The Wheel in Space

The Few - The Proud - The Furry!

2012-02-03T10:44:00.005-06:00

Hello, Blog-Country. It's been too long since our last visit. I promise to try harder in the future. Life and work have just conspired against our desire to be together! Oh well... at least we can enjoy the occasional blog-post.

This one is certainly worth dropping everything and sharing. As a father of two little boys who still enjoy sleeping with their favorite stuffed animal, this touched me, as both a parent, and an avid sci-fantasy aficionado. Perhaps my son's favorite stuffed pet, Buster, bravely guards his bed every night from the rabid beasts that lurk in the dark shadows.

Regardless of what really goes on while we blissfully slumber, it is this peace of mind that all children should have when they sleep soundly in their beds. If Buster provides that for my son, he most assuredly deserves knighthood for protecting my family!

Fantasy Football is here again!

2011-08-03T13:22:00.005-05:00

It's an end of an era. I've been my fantasy football league's commissioner for the last 7 years. I've hung up my big boy pants and have folded my league. But some friends are starting up a new league and I'm going to just be your average Joe team owner. In fact I'm going to do two different leagues. Both are on ESPN.com. In one league my team is going to be the Sidekicks. In the other I plan to dust off my old team name... The Mystery Machine. The website needs to grab photos from an Internet site so here are the pics I think I am going to use for now. I'll probably change it up for fun.

Elisabeth Sladen dead at age 63

2011-04-25T22:29:00.009-05:00

Elisabeth Sladen died on April 19th, 2011. She was 63 years old and was taken from us far too soon. The British actress was best known for her role as Sarah Jane Smith in Doctor Who. She played Sarah Jane on a recurring basis during the Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker years of the show during the 1970's. She reprised her role several times over the course of the 80's and then again with the new series of Doctor Who opposite David Tennant.

Sarah Jane Smith is one of my all time favorite companions from the series. This is not unusual and you will see many posts on-line from other fans who feel the same way. Elisabeth Sladen made iconic the role of Who companion and many who think of the Doctor Who will always think of Tom Baker and Elisabeth Sladen.

From what little I have been able to learn over the Internet it sounds like she suffered a long battle with cancer that she kept very secret. I do not know what "long" means. Up until her death she was filming new episodes of her Doctor Who spin-off show - The Sarah Jane Adventures. She was (without question) battling cancer during this time period. But was she battling it longer than that? The world may never know. It is obvious that her condition was something very private to her and perhaps even in death she would not want her private medical history to be spread across the news.

Having said that there are millions of people who now morn her parting and as one of those fans I hope to learn more. We all grieve in different ways and some of us like to have a better understanding of what happened. How did she live her life in those final days? I think there is no question she lived it courageously until the very end.

The irony of her death is that I was just having a discussion the other day about why some people take the death of a celebrity so hard - such as Princess Diana or Micheal Jackson. I said that those people never truly knew that celebrity and while it was news it was certainly nothing to get too emotionally involved over. I must now eat my own words because I am taking the death of Sarah Jane very hard.

Sarah Jane Smith, you will be missed!

Baseball - How I never truly knew thee!

2011-04-08T08:45:00.004-05:00

I haven't been a fan of baseball. For years I've considered it to be the most boring of sports. I've never enjoyed watching it on TV and it isn't much more appealing live. In the spirit of full disclosure I have to say that I only ever played baseball one season as a child. It was fast pitch elementary school ball and I was incredibly intimidated by the whole process. I hated bating and I think my lack of bating prowess lead my coach to an unfair assumption about my fielding ability. As a result I was relegated to the outfield. This experience did nothing to build a good foundation of appreciation for baseball.

But I think I am coming around on it as a sport. This weekend I am taking my boys to the local college game that is being played and I'm actually pretty excited. In fact it is my children that are helping to create that paradigm shift. My boys are playing T-Ball for the first time this season. As I sit on the sideline and watch the coaches teach my boys about the infield and outfield positions I can't help but realize how important teamwork is to baseball. It is perhaps more important than any other sport. It is true that teamwork is required in basketball, football, hockey, and so many others. But in these sports you often hear of ball-hogs or primadonas. You don't hear of that as much in baseball. I'm begining to see why - first hand.

When a 5 year old leaves second base to go muscle in on the 3rd baseman's position he leaves 2nd base unattended. When he does that there is a huge gap in the infield. By hogging another position the 2nd basemen lets down his teammates with respect to his 2nd base assignment. I know this sounds obvious when I say it but I really never thought about it until I started watching my own boys.

Also when someone in the outfield snags a grounder and throws it to 1st base that outfielder has to trust that the 1st basemen will do his job. The outfielder cannot physically run to first base and tag out the runner. It would be impossible even if he wanted to do it. The game of baseball demands teamwork and trust more than any other sport. It is for this reason that I am now giving baseball a chance.

So to the gods of baseball, I extend my most humble apology and tip my hat to you. I am looking forward to a much more meaningful relationship from this point forward.

What Cyber D is watching on TV

2011-03-08T11:22:00.002-06:00

It's been almost a year since my last post and that is just a crime. Much has happened in my life since May of 2010 including a new job in a new town. So I've got that going for me. But what do we all love most here at The Wheel in Space? That's right. Everyone wants to know what Cyber D thinks about television. I've got some great new stuff on the TiVo these days and some old favorites. So here is what Cyber D is watching right now.

Justified - Great show in its 2nd season. You like hot red-neck chicks, crazy meth addicts from Kentucky, and a bad ass U.S. Marshall that shoots first and doesn't even bother to ask questions later? Watch Justified.

Smallville - This show has gotten really old and really tired. But they say it's the final season so I've tuned back in to see Tom Welling finally done those red and blue tights in the finale.

The League - Okay so I'm not watching The League right now since it is only showing new episodes in the fall but watching this in rerun is worth it. It is - hands down - the funniest show in TV right now.

Perfect Couples - You'd think this was a chick flick by the name of the show but you'd be surprised how much stuff is in this show for guys.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - There really aren't any good sci-fi shows on TV right now. I think the fad may be drawing to a close. We may not see much sci-fi over the next decade. In the meantime, scratch that fan-boy itch by watching these guys write some seriously wild retroactive continuity.

Archer - I haven't actually started watching this show yet but I am damn close. The commercials are hilarious. Plus I like bad ass spies with no ability to self reflect.

Castle - This is the most main stream of the bunch but I like the Kate Beckett character and I'm always a fan of supporting the career of Nathan Fillon.

Phineas and Ferb - My kids love this show and its actually pretty funny. Plus those child voice actors an sing some serious funky music.

2010-05-24T09:34:00.004-05:00

After 6 seasons of gripping television, LOST finally came to a dramatic two and a half hour conclusion last night on ABC. I can make a strong case for LOST as one of my all time favorites. In fact there are few shows that hooked me the way LOST has and even fewer whose finale proved to be satisfying. That's not to say LOST's finale didn't have its fair share of problems but - by in large - I was pleased with the questions it chose to answer and willing to accept the ambiguity of the questions it chose to side-step. As far as the ending itself is concerned, I told my wife that I just wanted there to be a happy ending. With so many of the main cast becoming casualties I hoped that somehow the creators of the show would bring some kind of meaningful closure to the sacrifices that everyone was forced to make. But we'll get to that. First I want to share my own interpretation of some of the series major questions.

1) Who are Jacob and The Man in Black?

We now know that both Jacob and The Man in Black have been with us from the opening of the series. At first these god-like characters weren't given full form. Jacob hid behind his faithful followers known as The Others, and The Man in Black only appeared as a menacing pillar of black smoke. To make matters more confusing our heroes assumed Jacob was a villain character due to the flawed nature of his followers The Others and how those Others treated the castaways. Eventually we learn that Ben's assertion of, "We're the good guys," at the end of season 2 wasn't entirely false. Jacob, while cryptic and mercurial, proved to be a force of good protecting the island and its mystical heartbeat - a glowing pool of light beneath an underwater cave. Meanwhile The Man in Black still remains somewhat of an enigma. I've read that the show's creators did have a name for The Man in Black, but for the sake of simplicity I'll call him Esau from this point forward. We learn that Jacob and Esau are fraternal twin brothers. But when Esau decides to turn his back on the island and kills his adoptive mother, Jacob turns on Esau and throws him down into the cavern and into the white light. While we are to understand the light is a source of great happiness and joy, we are also lead to believe that going into the light can lead to great torment. This myth holds true when Esau emerges from the light as the evil smoke monster. It is this viewers belief that what diabolical terror was to be had within the golden pool of light was released by Esau. The real Esau is now dead and the Smoke Monster takes the form of Esau as well as countless others as he tries to find a way of leaving the island. What remains are two opposing forces the good (albeit pragmatic) Jacob tirelessly working to keep the evil (and arguably cunning) Smoke Monster from unleashing it's power upon the world.

2) What are the laws of the universe that define the Island and it's power?

This question is really a catch all for questions like why Richard Alpert is immortal, why Jacob and Esau cannot hurt each other directly, How and why are people able to find or leave the island and much much more. I believe most of these questions can be answered with one of the final lines in the series. When Ben Linus suggests to Hurley that he could help Desmond find his way home, Hurley assumes that the laws of the Island preclude people from leaving. Ben asserts that such a law was "Jacob's way" and that perhaps now that Hurley is the protector, he can do things his way - that being to help others. So perhaps the reason why Richard Alpert is immortal is because Jacob the Protector can simply make it so. Perhaps the powers of the Island give it's protector certain abilities to define some rules of the Universe. The mother protector decried that Jacob and Esau would be unable to hurt each other and yet they were clearly able to do so. However, at no time in the series was a The Protector and the Smoke Monster able to hurt each other. Perhaps this is something the Mother Protector knew intuitively. In this way, Jacob was safe from the Smoke Monster until he convinced one of Jacob's own followers to summon him and then kill him.

3) What did the Smoke Monster really want?

In my opinion the gold light both held the secrets of life but also held trapped a terrible evil. But when Jacob killed his own brother, the evil was released from the underground cave. But this wouldn't be enough. The evil wanted to consume the world. Jacob, having realized his mistake now had two tasks set before him. He hand to continue to protect the golden light at the heart of the island but he also had to protect the world from The Smoke Monster. He did this by harnessing the supernatural power of the Island to keep the Monster there. This is evident in Jacob's conversation with Richard Alpert about the bottle of wine being the evil and cork being the island. For centuries the Smoke Monster believed his way off the Island was to kill Jacob. The Smoke Monster considered Jacob not only the Protector of the Island but also his Jailer. This proved to be a miscalculation. After killing Jacob the Smoke Monster set about trying to get all of Jacob's candidates to leave the island with him. He knew that if any candidate was left behind, they might become The Protector and once again trap the monster on the island. But when his plans unraveled the Smoke Monster changed his tactics. He decided to destroy the Island and planned to use one very special man, named Desmond, to do it.

4) Why did the rules of the Island change near the end?

Why did Richard Alpert start to age? Why could evil-Locke and Jack the Protector harm each other? Simple: The Island's power was snuffed out by Desmond. This meant all the mystical protections and rules were broken. Richard got gray hair and the forces of good and evil could now do battle. The one thing that would have allowed the Smoke Monster to leave the island was the one thing that made him vulnerable. Surely such vulnerability would have been one of the Smoke Monsters considerations before destroying the island. Perhaps when one goes back through the series and looks at the actions of the Smoke Monster they all begin to make some kind of sense. Perhaps every act taken was in an attempt to weaken Jacob. For the first time I am given some sense of closure to the death of Echo, a powerfully spiritual man who - in retrospect (as a Protector candidate) - would have been a terrible threat to the Smoke Monster.

5) What is the significance of the Sideways Reality/Purgatory?

In the end the Sideways Reality provided this viewer with the happy ending closure I desired. The big twist is that the Sideways Reality wasn't really a reality at all but a kind of post-death-limbo where the souls of the castaways reside before moving on to a better place. When Juliet dies and speaks to Miles, telling him that Jack's plan to change the time-stream and avert the plane crash, she tells the truth. After death Juliet would have a unique perspective on the limbo universe where all the ones we love are there for the finding. Juliet told Miles it worked because she was able to be with all those she loved again. For us long time Lost viewers some will cry foul with the use of any gimmick that even remotely resembles Purgatory. But that's because many were of the opinion that the Island itself was Purgatory. But such a device gives the series creators an opportunity to make good on all the relationships with our fallen heroes. Jack's father, Christian Shepard, said it best when he told his son that what happened on the Island was real and that those times together with those people were the most important in his life. This place, where the characters now find themselves, is a place of their own making where the people most dear can come together and move on with the one they love at their side.

Did this series answer all its questions? No. But what it did do was provide fascinating character study about love and loss, about virtues and vice, and about learning to overcome our own personal failings in an effort to live a life of redemption and purpose.

Real Men of Genius

2010-02-19T09:27:00.008-06:00

I uncovered an email from an old college buddy describing a couple of admission essays from students applying to NYU back in the mid 1990's. According to legend the both were accepted and entered as freshman. If these are really true essays than my hat goes off to these real men of genius.

ESSAY QUESTION 3A - Are there any significant accomplishments you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dinning room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet. I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

FROM THE ESSAY OF ANOTHER STUDENT

ESSAY QUESTION 2B - In your own words, describe what you believe to be the meaning of the word courage.

This is courage.

I have to admit I really like both, although the first guy must really like to hear himself talk.

Top 5 Greatest Movies You've Never Seen

2009-12-15T10:56:00.004-06:00

I saw The Wrestler last month. If you've seen it you should agree with me that it was most awesome. I hadn't seen Mickey Rorke in anything good since... well, I hadn't seen him in anything since I last rented Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. Now that movie kicked serious bootie. And that got me thinking about some great movies that you've never seen. So let's begin.

5) Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

You know those action movies with the straight laced hero and his wild and crazy hero friend? That's not this movie. Take out the bland hero and replace him with another wild-ass, butt kickin', crazy in the head alcoholic who is fighting to save one man's daughter against a band of rabid drug lords who have no idea who they're messing with and you have this rockin' 80's movie gone wild!

4) Face/Off

This is a movie with one of the most ludicrous premises I've ever heard of and I love it. It really is a guilty pleasure at the top of my list along with Maria Carey and Sour Patch Kids. You know that movie about the never say die police hero up against the crazy terrorist? That's not this movie. But if you take those two characters and surgically swap their faces along with relative body hair and vocal chords and then plop them into each other's respective worlds then you have one of the most guns-blazing, window shattering, compound-bone-fracturing, movies of its time.

3) Rosencrance and Gildenstern are Dead

You know that movie about two dumb ass retards that travel the countryside getting into all sorts of ridiculous trouble? No, not Dumb and Dumber... well kind of. This is if Shakespeare wrote Dumb and Dumber, and it's a damn fine flick. With Gary Oldman and Tim Roth playing the title characters you get two of the most dark and twistedly talented actors playing against type and making high English writing actually sound funny. Rent this!

2) Diggstown

You know that movie about the con man who changes his ways after falling in love in small town America. Take that movie and throw in a vicious rural tycoon, a very young and up and coming Heather Graham, and more double crosses than a twizzler and you have this movie. That and Louis Gossett Junior kicks ass.

1) Fandango

There really isn't a comparison for this film. As best I can say it's the first Bro-Mance before there was such a thing. As funny as The Hangover is... this is better. Plus it's probably the only Kevin Costner movie worth a damn. It's at the top of my list, isn't that enough for you to rent it?

Merry Christmas!

10 Things I Hate About The Joe Movie

2009-08-10T19:39:00.005-05:00

You can imagine my elation when I first heard about the G.I. Joe Movie rumors from a year ago. Sadly as details slowly leaked out my fears grew and grew. But my biggest mistake was assuming the silver lining to this cloud was going to be lowered expectations. After all, I had seen enough really good movies this summer. What's one bad movie amongst fan-boys? So I went in with eyes wide open and no expectation that my favorite childhood franchise of ALL TIME would be any good. Sadly this movie managed to disappoint even my meager hopes and strain my sincere affection. So was there anything good about the Joe Movie? The action sequences were awesome and the casting of a couple of characters was pretty good or at least serviceable. The worst of this movie... well, I can only hope to scratch the service. So here it goes.

10) The Not To Distant Future: The only reason to make this movie set in "The Future" is to avoid explaining the ridiculous sci-fi stuff like, sonic-wave-rifles, Holographic lap-tops, and Hover planes they stole from the Terminator's garage.

9) Flash-back Faux Pas: Flash backs kicks ass and when done properly really broaden and deepen the mythology of a story in a very short amount of time. Too bad G.I. Joe couldn't flash-back their way out of a paper bag. For starters, you'd think they could manage just two separate back-stories, that of Duke and Snake-Eyes. No they choose to waste five minutes of movie in medieval Scotland and later bore you to tears with endless time spent on flat, emotionless, sequences on why The Baroness and Storm Shadow turn evil. Which brings me to Storm Shadow.

8) Storm Shadow: They almost get it right, but they play him more assassin than noble warrior. Even at his most evil, the comic always made Storm Shadow honorable. I'll admit they gave his character room to inevitably turn good in a later movie, but we can only pray another movie with this crew never happens. Yes, Storm Shadow is a good guy in the end. Maybe that was the confusion with the Baroness, but we'll get to her in a second.

7) Accelerator Suits: I knew going in that these were in the movie, but I didn't expect the CGI to suck so bad. At least make the characters look realistic. CGI has gotten to the point where I shouldn't be able to tell the difference between real stunt action and Buzz Light-Year graphics.

6) Destro: I'll accept the fact that Destro's mask in the comic was awfully animated, but that's all it was. A freaking mask! The man didn't have his skin turned into metal. Who comes up with this shit?

5) Rip-Cord: The reason his codename is Rip-Cord is because the original character was an air force paratrooper. He jumped out of planes, i.e. RIP-CORD!!! He wasn't Duke's side-kick. He wasn't a marine. He was already an the airborne. How hard is it to get even the broadest brush-strokes correct?

4) Evil Plans: So Destro goes to all this trouble to make NATO pay for his state-of-the-art nanites and then goes through the trouble of stealing them back from the government. Why not just over-charge and build more than the measly 4 missiles? And if Destro built the damn things in the first place, why does he need the Baroness' scientist husband to arm them, and why oh why do the highly touted cobra super soldiers fall down like a house of cards when Scarlett sneezes on them.

3) Sgt. Slaughter: Two words... Brendon Frasier.

2) Snake-Eyes: Almost everything about this character worked. I was even willing to ignore the casting of the vertically challenged, Ray Park. But why on earth include a line (at the very end of the movie) about Snake-Eyes taking a vow of silence as his reason for not talking. That's just destroying comic-book continuity for no purpose! He can't talk because his larynx was destroyed by a helicopter explosion!

1) The Baroness: The whole point of having a sexy, dominatrix, villainess is that she is an honest to God VILLAIN, not some corn-fed, all American, girl that's been brainwashed by her crazy-ass brother.

It's the economy, stupid!

2009-07-14T06:30:00.002-05:00

These last few months have had me thinking... thinking really hard. Because I'm a democrat, ya know? I've been one my entire life but I just can't wrap my mind around this whole stimulus package. I understand how building a super highway from Los Angeles to Las Vegas can create jobs and thereby stimulate the economy and I'm in complete support of a universal health care plan, but I couldn't help but agree with John McCain on Meet the Press last Sunday. In fact, I've been saying it for months. It's the small business that is going to save this economy, not government jobs. No don't worry, sports fans. I'm not jumping ship. I still think we can blame the Bush Administration for the lack of regulation that led to robber barons running the banks into the ground. I still blame the republican party for allowing the types of huge tax breaks that lead to larger and larger conglomerates gobbling up small businesses by offering loss-leader price cuts that didn't allow the little guy to compete. I mean I'm Best Buy's biggest fan, but whose the competition anymore? Who does Wal-Mart compete with? Who do Compass, Chase, and Bank of America compete against? Who does Geico and Progressive compete with? What the hell has happened to the mom and pop shop that took care of you? I've spent hours on the phone with Verizon the last 4 months trying like hell to get them to take my debit card and charge me for Internet service. And every month they apologise and say their system will take my debit card this month. Too bad they will not let me pay by check, because I would have done that a long time ago. Only to now have a claims agents send me a FUCKING legal action letter for not paying my bill. So I should stop my Verizon service, right? It's not like Time Warner was any better, or fucking AT&T was any better than that. In fact the best Internet service I had was a dial-up modem telephone line in 1998. They were called Internet Texoma. But you don't find the small mom and pop business anymore. Too bad because if this country is to come back stronger than before, we damn well better make it possible for small privately owned businesses to compete. Damn, it there are days I just want to sell everything and move to a bungalow in the Bahamas!

Best Summer Show in Town!

2009-06-08T15:33:00.004-05:00

With most TV programming on summer hiatus we are all now accustomed to the tired re-runs, boring re-treds, and experimental disasters that is summer television. But once in a while somebody gets it right. Every so often the planets align to converge on the perfect storm of delicious television goodness. Dancing with the Stars was just such a show and is now a mainstream commercial success. I am pleased to announce that I have stumbled upon another summertime gem. It will likely not have the mass appeal of half-naked dancers but it tickles my fancy quite nicely. I had plans to write paragraphs on the greatness of this program but I'll let it speak for itself. I present to you, Spike TV's: DEADLIEST WARRIOR

Taking Care of Business - Part 6

2009-03-30T11:00:00.001-06:00

It's probably been over a year since I've released one of my world renowned articles from the Taking Care of Business series. Your wait is over. The good news is that I've been very busy since our last discussion. I have been reading Sun Tzu's Art of War. Let me just say, this is a great little book. It's especially useful if you're a feudal lord in ancient China. But you can also apply its wisdom to your career. Like how to motivate employees through torture and how to take your bosses job, through assassination. You may ask, how is work like war? A wise man once told me, that (in work) the only person that will watch out you for you is you. In this sense you can easily compare your struggle against a rival competitor, a nasty boss, or a scheming coworker as a war against your livelihood. In tribute to the great Sun Tzu, I like to call this nugget of business wisdom:

Work is Hell

There are so many great lessons to take from The Art of War so it was difficult to narrow it down to just three concepts. But if there's one thing my MBA class on public speaking taught me about good presentations, it's that you never give an audience more than three points to digest. For some reason even the most intelligent crowds can't seem to keep it together long enough to absorb four points. Perhaps in future issues we can delve deeper into this great work. For now, mull these bad boys over as you think about navigating the hell that is your career.

From Chapter 1: Laying Plans, Part 18 - Part 25

All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder and crush him. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he has superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected. These military devices, leading to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

How do we apply Sun Tzu teaching on warfare to our every day working life? There is perhaps no more important thread that runs through the Art of War than the importance of secrecy and information. You must always keep the enemy guessing and never reveal weakness. Perhaps more important is to never reveal strength. If you have an advantage, never flaunt it - lest it be wasted. Be opportunistic in your decision making and pay attention to the conditions of others. By making plans in advance through the control of information, you will be able to position yourself for great success while others around you, with more resources and experience, falter.

From Chapter 3: Attack by Stratagem, Part 18

Hence the saying: If you know your enemy and yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy or yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

This chapter on strategy is an extension of the first two chapters about careful preparations. In fact very little of Sun Tzu's work discusses the actual execution of combat. While I would be the first to admit that I far prefer action to planning, there is little doubt that good planning can make the difference in success and failure in your work. Here in chapter three, Sun Tzu reminds us that we can not limit ourselves to studying the enemy. We must look inward and examine our own self. We must be wary of our own weaknesses and be realistic when we plan our work. If we do not understand how our co-workers and clients perceive us than we will never be able to predict the outcome of our interactions with them. If you are able to properly self analyse than you are better prepared to predict the outcome of interactions at work.

From Chapter 6: Weak Points and Strong, Part 7 - Part 9

You can be sure in succeeding in your attacks if you only attack places that are undefended. You can ensure the safety of your defense if you only defend places that cannot be attacked. Hence that general is skillful in attack whose opponent does not know what to defend; and he is skillful in defense whose opponent does not know what to attack. O divine art subtlety and secrecy! Through you we learn to be invisible, through you inaudible; and hence we can hold the enemy's fate in our hands.

Again Sun Tzu speaks of secrecy and information, specifically through the art of deception. But deception can be tricky, especially in the working world. We always have to be mindful of legal and ethical standards. Unlike love and war, there are rules and guidelines we must all follow in our work. But where you can deceive your "enemy", without compromising your ethical standards or office guidelines, you will find opportunity to improve your chances of success.

Well, there you have it, folks. Your crash course on office warfare boiled down to three points. Let me know how your next corporate take-over goes after employing some of Sun Tzu's tactics.

I'm about to jump ship

2009-03-03T09:09:00.005-06:00

I've been watching Heroes from the the beginning. I got hooked early on and have really enjoyed the ride. I was even excited going into the fall season when others were saying it was done after the strike shortened season of a year ago.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a fan-boy apologist. Meaning, once I embrace a program, I tend to stick with it through thick and thin. I tend to give a a great deal of latitude for it to screw up, become boring, and general suck up the screen. I'm also willing to give a show as mush as en entire season... sometimes two seasons before I pass final judgement. Hell, I'm watching Eureka, about to start season 4 and I still have decided if I like it.

Usually this patience is limited to science fiction and fantasy programing. I watched the first three episodes of Grey's Anatomy with my wife and told her "I'm OUT! This show sucks." Of course that may have been more of a chick-dude thing. Still, if it had been a chick-show with laser guns or dragons I probably would have given it more time.

Still, I'm proud of my sci-fi apologist stance on programing. Sometimes, given time you will find true gems. Farscape is a tremendous show that was cut down too soon. If more people had given it a chance, I am certain it would have been able to at least complete it's 5 year run.

However, I am sad to say that the last two episodes of Heroes has left me flat. I found myself saying, "Who the hell cares what happens to these ass-holes?" I'll not go into agonizing detail but one of the shows stars was put into a position where he had this season's villain dead to rights. The good guy could have put a bullet right between the bad guy's eyes. And guess what, he didn't do it! Whoop de freakin' do! You're such a good guy you aren't going to stoop to his level. How many times do we have to go over that ground. Heroes does it at least three times a season. After 4 seasons that's about 12 times too many.

For the first time I asked myself if I should give it up... I'm torn. Torn deep and I don't know what to do.

I love my TV

2009-01-20T10:30:00.004-06:00

I love my new TV. I still love it even though I had to send it in for repairs recently. It's one of the more expensive pieces of property I own in my home. It requires tender loving care and no small amount of respect. Because Lord knows, she returns that show of love and respect in kind with hours of sweet delicious high-definition goodness.

But I am beginning to fear that I may be losing perspective. Last night I was sitting in my living room basking in her warm glow when my wife came over and sat down next to me.

"What's on TV?" she asked me.

My response was, "Dust."

I was lucky to get out with only one black eye.

Make it Fine in 2009!

2009-01-12T10:14:00.002-06:00

It's been too long since my last post. Unfortuantely 2009 doesn't look like its going to be any easier than 2008. I am jam packed at work this week, although I'd prefer to be jam packed than layed off I suppose... Still, with two trips out of town, portfolio review, annual POAs, department staff retreat, and my city campaign launch event all in January, I'm about to pull my hair out. And now I just learn that I'm expected to run a F-ing workshop at the staff retreat! I'm about to go insane. Happy New Year!

Customer Support Nightmare

2008-12-11T09:19:00.005-06:00

I love my new Liquid Crystal Display High Definition Television. But as luck would have it, the LCD broke within the first two months of having it. No problem. It's not only under the 4 year Best Buy Warranty. It's still under the 1 year manufacture warranty. So I called Sony. It was a terrible experiance. I was so mad I hung up on the girl - and just called Best Buy. They were great. About a month later I got a letter from the Sony Customer Support VP. It was a generic letter asking me to rate their service and to email him if I couldn't give a score above 9 or 10 out of 10. This is my email for your reading pleasure...

Dear Mr. VP,

Thank you for the valued customer letter. We have been very happy with our Sony TV product and were very disappointed when the LCD screen went out only two months into the ownership of the television. My only serious complaint is with your telephone customer service. When I called the service line - the lady who took my call was unimaginably incompetent.

I understand that technical support troubleshooting requires your employees to run through the various standard scenarios in order to rule out all kinds of common problems with the television. But I made it very clear at the onset of the phone call that I had already ruled out all the common issues.

Yes - the TV was plugged in.
Yes - I checked all inputs for functionality
Yes - I unplugged and re-plugged in the television
Oh and by the way - the TV doesn't turn on in the same way as usual. The "Bravia" symbol no longer appears. Instead there is a slow bleed of black screen into white screen with no picture, sound, or access to the menu features. I think something is wrong with the LCD.

I told your customer service rep this in excruciating detail within the first 5 minutes of our conversation. Over the course of the next 1.5 hours she continued to ask me the "standard" by-the-book questions. Questions that I had already preemptively answered for her. This alone was not worthy of my frustration but every time I answered her questions or asked a question of her - she would pause and say "Please hold while I check my resources." I would then wait for approximately 5 minutes EACH time. This happened probably 8 times over the course of the conversation. A few times I spoke into the phone "Hello? Hello?" (wondering if I was on hold or if she was still on the line). Half the time she was still on the line and would respond. Which makes me wonder why she wasn't checking in more frequently with me? I assumed by "checking her resources" she meant going down her computer check-list. I mean - how long does it take to figure out that your next question to ask the customer is "Have you un-plugged and re-plugged in your television?"

By this time I was really becoming impatient. I then just assumed she was a trainee - new on the job. So I asked to speak to a supervisor. She asked me to please hold. This time the wait was a solid 5 minutes or more. When she came back on the line there was NO SUPERVISOR. She asked me to conduct another trouble shooting technique. I told her I didn't wish to speak to her anymore and again asked for a supervisor. She went away for another 5 minutes before coming back again. And AGAIN - NO SUPERVISOR. Only this time she offered to ship a brand new television to me, no questions asked! I said, "NO! I want to speak to a SUPERVISOR!" She put me on hold again for another 5 minutes! When she came back she again offered me a new TV. I said, "No - I don't want to talk to you anymore. I want to talk to your SUPERVISOR."

By this time, my wife had checked our receipt and reminded me that we had purchased a special 4 year warranty with Best Buy. My wife had already used her cell-phone to arrange a Geek-Squad appointment for me later that night.

When your customer service representative returned to the line with (AGAIN) NO SUPERVISOR. I told her, "You're lucky, tonight madam. You're lucky I'm tired of waiting. I wanted to talk to a supervisor to tell him that you are either incredibly inept, or your training is incredibly inept. I wanted to tell your supervisor that this is the WORST customer support call I have ever experienced. But I am tired of waiting and I am ready to deal directly with Best Buy. Thank God I purchased a 4 year extended warranty otherwise I would be at the mercy of you and your inept ways!

Unfortunately I did not get her name. I did not get her employee number. So I am sorry that this email cannot help you any more than to share with you my very terrible personal experience . If I wasn't so incredibly angry by this point, I probably would have thought to ask her name and employee number. But based on the experience, I suspect she would have refused to give it to me.

I hope this email can serve some positive purpose. I pray that if I ever am forced to deal with your customer service line again, that such problems with your staff will be resolved.

Thank you,
Cyber D

Dune... What the Hell?

2008-11-12T13:25:00.010-06:00

I decided to read Frank Herbert's science fiction classic: Dune. It didn't take long but I eventually crossed the critical 100 page threshold which commits me unequivocally. I was able to overcome the fact that Herbert didn't write his story in chapters. Did you know Dune is written as 400+ page running stream of consciousness with the occasional page break marked by bizarre mystical quotes from a character you don't see until the last ten pages of the book? I didn't. But I did something with Dune that I have never done before with any other book.

I skimmed paragraphs!

You may think this to be no big deal, but you have to understand how monumental this is. I've never skimmed anything. Not even text books in school. I just can't absorb books that way. I never have. If I'm going to get from beginning to end and understand the full story, I read every word. Word for Word... the entire thing. Otherwise I find myself skipping over critical bits of plot, or subtle nuances of character development.

But with Dune I finally realized (about 200 pages in) that Frank Herbert is one messed up dude. The man did (without question) a shit-load of pot. And occasionally this would manifest in bizarre meandering paragraphs where characters examine their navel's for undetermined periods of time. After the tenth time a character started babbling about some random cosmic connection to the universe I figured out that ultimately it didn't propel the story forward. I just needed to know that they were trippin'... nothing more.

Perhaps I'm not getting my point across. Here's an excerpt from the story.

"Whirling silence settled around Jessica. Every fiber of her body accepted the fact that something profound had happened to it. She felt that she was a conscious mote, smaller than any subatomic particle, yet capable of motion and of sensing her surroundings. Like an abrupt revelation - the curtains whipped away - she realized she had become aware of a psychokinesthetic extension of herself. She was the mote yet not the mote."

What the hell is that? That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. Other than these bizarre acid trips I enjoyed Dune. It is a fantastically creative story with compelling character drama wrapped up in a gritty science fiction shell with shades of religious underpinnings. If you enjoy epic science fiction and you are interested in a story that has spawned thousands of other writers, read Dune.

But you have been warned.

The Passing of a Legend

2008-11-07T08:42:00.003-06:00

Critics have said he was clumsy with narrative and lazy with dialogue but no one can deny the power of Michael Crichton's ideas. From The Andromeda Strain to Jurassic Park Crichton's work has astounded and amazed, selling record numbers of copies and spawning one blockbuster movie after another. It seams nothing was out of reach for this creative spirit as he even touched gold on television with the current longest running nighttime drama in ER.

Sadly - like his award winning TV show (now in it's final season), all good things must come to an end. With America gripped by its most powerful election, Michael Crichton's death was a footnote on November 4th, 2008. He was 66 when a private battle of cancer took his life.

As one of the most successful science fiction writers of his time, Michael Crichton sold more than 150 million copies of his books. His page-turning stories attracted a broad spectrum or readers and was a major contributor in making science fiction a mainstream genre of entertainment. His stories often centered around technology catapulting man's greed and power into a high-stakes adventure with the fate of mankind in the balance.

I know I enjoyed reading his books, watching the movie adaptations, and being inspired by his ideas.

Peace be with you, Dr. Crichton.

We hold these truths to be self evident...

2008-11-05T08:55:00.005-06:00

God Bless America. I usually don't let my emotions get the better of me, but last night I found myself saying God Bless America without even realizing it. I was overcome really... overcome with excitement, overcome with emotion, overcome with pride in our great country. Pride in my country has been in short supply lately, but I am so proud of what we as a people can do when we all work towards a common goal.

To know that our future looks a little bit brighter and that I did my part in helping to ensure that future, fills me with indescribable pride. As I look back on my life, I know that I will remember the night that the United States of America elected its first African American president. I know that it will stand up with only a handful of other history changing moments like the fall of the Berlin Wall. Only this time I can say that I had a hand in realizing this moment.

It is times such as these when you look back at the vision of our founding fathers and you realize that even they could not predict the greatness this country is capable of achieving. This truly is the greatest country in the world and it's time we put back the intelligence, respect, and empowerment that the office of President demands.

Last night all men were created equal at the highest level. God Bless America.

Lucky Charm for Hire

2008-10-21T09:01:00.003-05:00

I'm making it official. I wasn't sure at first. Admittedly, I didn't think it would be fair to the candidates but with these tough economic times I have to think of my family first. That's why I am announcing to the media today that I will make my "lucky charm" services available to the highest bidder between John McCain or Barack Obama.

"What is this nonsense?" You may ask yourself. Please accept these facts as proof of my value.

Fall 1992: While attending college in Texas, maintained Arkansas residency and voted with absentee ballot. Result - Victory for Governor Bill Clinton

Fall 1996: After graduating from college returned to Arkansas to start working full time for small private college. Voted as resident of Arkansas. Result - Victory for President Bill Clinton.

Fall 2000: Having taken new job in 1997 and moved to Texas, voted as a resident of Texas. Result - Victory for Governor George W. Bush.

Fall 2004: Remained in Texas and voted again as a resident of Texas. Result - Victory for President George W. Bush.

I think I make a pretty good case for being the luckiest charm any Presidential hopeful can acquire. Let's start the bidding at $500,000. Winner pays for my moving expenses to either Arizona or Illinois.

The Politics Shuffle

2008-10-13T08:56:00.007-05:00

I don't know why I care so much this time around. It's not like the Democrats have a chance of taking the 34 electoral votes in Texas. And yet I find myself drawn to the Presidential election now more than ever. Perhaps eight years and two Presidential elections with a man you know to be the wrong person for the job is enough to get anyone interested. But do you know that despite Barack Obama's current comfortable lead in the national polls I find myself still worried?

For years now the Republican Party has been so adept at tapping into the visceral psyche of the American people - coining terms such as "pro-life" and "liberal-commie". It is a vocabulary that appealed to two very large segments of U.S. citizens: Religious fundamentalists and Down-Home-Country-Patriots... to put it kindly. The Republican doctrine spread through the mid-west and deep south like a teenage frenzy at a Jonas Brothers concert. But why? I can understand why the lifestyles of the rich and famous gravitate toward Republican politics. It's in their best interest. In that sense I don't blame them one bit. But why would any middle and lower income families cast their lot in with a party that cares nothing for their well being? I have come to the distinct realization that unfortunately we cannot all be rocket scientists and the Republicans shrewdly capitalized on the common thread that ran between their two newly harvested demographics: A lack of intellect.

I have to admit that up until this race I was a fan of McCain. He has traditionally been a politician who (in his own words) "reaches across the isle" in the face of his own party's agenda. But like any poster-boy for the Republican party, temptation got the better of him. Most notably with his pick of Sarah The Barracuda Palin.

This woman is no more fit to be Vice-President than I am fit to be America's Next Top Model. Once again the GOP insults our intelligence by waltzing out what basically amounts to George W. Bush in heels as the Veep nominee. A candidate that doesn't even understand what the "Bush Doctrine" means. A candidate that is unable to provide a single Judicial ruling other than Roe vs. Wade. A candidate that is currently under investigation for abuse of power in her position as Governor of Alaska. But don't worry, America! She looks great with her hair all done up! Ironically, the move that sickened me the most may well be McCain's undoing - as he gave Palin just enough rope to hang herself in front of Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.

And yet I find myself still worrying that our country's witless will once again prevail, despite all conceivable evidence to the contrary. To this day the Democrats have yet to find an answer to the Big-Mac-Sound-Byte-Newspaper-Headline style propaganda that embodies the Republican platform. This lack of a good come-back is in part due to the complexity of political problems in our society and the difficulty it takes to defend your beliefs when you are on the ropes. This is the position the Democrats have been in for the last 20 years. Sure we had those eight glorious years with a gifted statesmen and philanderer. But he's the exception that proves the rule, isn't he? It has taken an economic crisis of gargantuan proportions and a foreign policy that has made us the laughing stock of the rest of the world for our country to be snapped out if its malaise.

Now it looks as if victory is in sight. But as any blind monkey could predict, it is always darkest before the dawn. The latest coverage of the Republican rallies have been sickening. The McCain-Palin ticket have been playing to their base, which now resembles something between a monster truck rally and a white supremacist convention with spectators screaming for Obama's head, calling him a liar, a Muslim, and a dangerous terrorist. But I learned of the most shocking turn of events on the radio this morning. Apparently McCain was recently "boo-ed" at one of his own rallies. The man who I had respected up until recently finally allowed his ethical standards to get the better of him. As I understand it, he stopped a women from calling Senator Obama a Muslim and terrorist. He corrected her, calling him a family man whom McCain respects. They just differ in their political beliefs. And for this, the right-wing-base of the GOP boo-ed and jeered their candidate for President.

For me it is both a high point and low point in this race. A high point because McCain demonstrated he has the ability to stand up for truth and fairness even in the face of an angry mob. A low point because it saddens me that the convictions of these angry mobs have been allowed to pass as good-old-fashioned-American-patriotism.

And so I wait with eager anticipation, to proudly cast my vote in Texas for Barak Obama, knowing full well that my electoral voters will be giving their votes to McCain on election day. But I do it out of principle. I do it because at the end of the day, it is our single most important right. I do it in support of all those battleground states whose voters will turn the tide of American history.

They grow up so fast...

2008-10-09T09:10:00.006-05:00

The Cyber Clan was sitting around the dinner table last night and I asked my 4 year old son what he did at school the other day. The following conversation ensued.

Lil' Magnum: I made animal noises at a girl today, Daddy.

Me: What did you do?

Lil' Magnum: Growl, Squawk, Neigh, Quack! Like that.

Me: What's her name?

Lil' Magnum: I don't know her name. She has a pink bow on her head.

Me: Is she in your class?

Lil' Magnum: No, I saw her in the lunch room.

Me: Is she pretty?

Lil' Magnum: No! (he says in a defensive tone)

Me: You should introduce yourself.

Lil' Magnum: What!?!

Me: Yes - Next time you see her just go up and say, "Hello, my name is Lil' Magnum. What's your name?"

Lil' Magnum: Baaah!! I can't do that!

Me: Why not?

Lil' Magnum: She thinks I'm a monster. She runs away.

Me: That's because you're not talking to her. Try talking instead of making animal noises.

Lil' Magnum: Nah...

Me: Oh... I see. So what do you plan to do the next time you see her?

(My son sits and ponders his options for a few seconds before responding)

Lil' Magnum: I'll show her my trick (He then stands up on his chair and sucks his belly in so deep that you can count each of his ribs individually)

Me: That's my boy.

Beavers over Trojans!

2008-09-29T15:41:00.008-05:00

It was a tale for the ages - The #1 ranked Trojans against the unranked Beavers. Most wouldn't have given those frisky beavers a chance against the mighty power of the Trojan warriors but this is a rivalry that goes back a long time. And like many rivalry games - the statistics get thrown out the window and all bets are off because anything goes!

Yes, the Trojans are a high flying potent offense. They relish penetrating every defensive unit it comes in contact with. This team keeps its eye on the prize and is always looking for the end zone. They score points and lots of them. It would be easy for me to go along with the crowd and predict a victory for the Trojans.

But I also know that the Beaver defense is a tough nut to crack. They are stingy with yardage and teams have to work for every inch of ground they gain. They are merciless in the red zone and will block your attempt to score every time. And while they can play a tough ball game, they also have the talent on their squad to play a coy cat and mouse game, disguising their intentions and then sacking the ball-caller with a trick play.

A classic battle between two titans for the ages. It was a game that could have gone either way. But I had my suspicions that the Beavers will pull it out in the end. I know I preferred the Beavers over the Trojans. How about you?

Storm, Hannah Terrorizes East Coast?

2008-09-09T14:23:00.003-05:00

I wish someone had bothered to ask me about the effects of the Hannah Storm on our eastern coast. Everyone said she was going to be disastrous. They said she would be relentless in her pursuit of destruction. They said she would terrorize the coast and devastate livestock and real estate. They said she was a unforgiving mistress of death and to beware her raw power.

As far as I know Hannah Storm is a perfectly respectable news caster with great camera presence, solid sports knowledge, and impeccable teeth. In the end Ms. Storm's trip up the eastern sea-board did very little to harm any one or any thing and I suspect she won over a few hearts and minds in the process.

McCain - Palin

2008-09-05T09:25:00.003-05:00

I'm a democrat - always have been. I find the narrow minded social elitism of the republican party to be almost vomit inducing. For years republicans have painted democrats as communists always shrewdly avoiding the fact that republicans are far closer to fascists than dems are to commies. I never thought I would ever vote for a republican... until now.

The recent announcement of McCain choosing Palin as his running mate has caused me to call into question everything about politics. To be honest, I believe it is a genius move. I have had a tremendous amount of respect for Palin's work for many years. I cannot think of a more talented and funnier candidate for office and I feel now is the time to make the switch.

To be honest I don't really understand Michael Palin's qualifications for the position of Vice President of the United States - but you can't argue with a man that invented the genius of "I'm a Lumberjack."

Go McCain - Palin!!!!

Dreaming of You

2008-08-11T08:46:00.012-05:00

Reading stories about other people's dreams can be worse than root canal but I'm going to share this nugget with you anyway. Let's begin:

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was walking down the street with purpose - as if I knew where I was going. I turned and headed into a large steel building. You know... like the kind they use for auto-body shops, children's bounce houses, and fundamentalist churches.

Inside it was air-conditioned and carpeted with rows and rows of fold out chairs. Up front there were two men (also seated in fold out chairs) reading from a Popular Mechanics Magazine to a packed audience. I found a seat in the back next to Dagromm and The Illustrious Q. I noticed that Q was talking to Dagromm in an overly loud voice - which made Dags a little uncomfortable because the two presenters were noticeably annoyed by the interruption.

Then, as if overcome by raw emotion, Q stands up and belts out the opening verse to Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA.

Born down in a dead man's town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
'Til you spend half your life just covering up

He then stops and looks right at me, giving me the "come on dude, I need you on this" look with his eyes. And for some reason I respond reluctantly with the line...

Born in the U.S.A.

The Q responds in kind screaming the remainder of the chorus...

Born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

He drops it down a notch but continues with great enthusiasm into the second verse...

I got in a little hometown jam
And so they put a rifle in my hands
Sent me off to Vietnam
To go and kill the yellow man

Only this time several people from the audience stand up and join him in the chorus! By the third verse Q has the entire audience on their feet. Everyone is belting out the chorus and I can swear I hear back-up music coming from somewhere. I too find that I am drawn to Q's raw power and I join the group. I notice even Dagromm is up on his feet and clapping his hands like a love-struck fan - singing every word.

This is when it gets weird. By this time, the two leaders of the Popular Mechanics Magazine Read-along have stepped aside. Q prances around in front of the crowd before turning around and ripping off his jacket to reveal a bright read jumpsuit with writing on the back. It says:

Dear Q: As a loyal fan of Texas A&M, I am sending you this jump-suit so that it can be properly baptised. Your friend, Tom Brokaw.

Q then runs and leaps into a giant tank of water at the front of the room. He bounces up and down in the chest high pool as the jump suit fills with water. Soon the jump-suit is near to bursting and Q looks like the girl from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who ate the blueberry gum. Dagromm and I are forced to go into the tank and retrieve Q, rolling him onto the carpet and down the isle. The crowd continues to chant...

Born in the U.S.A.

...and Q chants right along with them.

As Dagromm and I open the door to the outside, the bright light of the sun hits our face and I awake - baffled by my dream.

Quad-Fest 2008

2008-07-28T12:11:00.011-05:00

We all knew the day would come. The day that Gyuss decided a disease-infested-over-flooded-mile-wide river that flows from Minnesota to Louisiana would rip him from the annual gaming weekend that has come to be known as Quad-Fest! Luckily our "quad" was still intact with a REAL out-of-town bad ass! That's right... Pokiman rolled into town for a one night only extravaganza of gaming delight. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I should back up to Friday.

Friday was a day for the dynamic duo. And that day was filled with an abundance of margaritas. Margaritas, senoritas, and Golf! Top Golf to be precise. This year instead of a rousing game of Ultimate Frisbee we decided to play 5 rounds of the game of kings! Oh that's chess? Well then I guess it was the game of drunken Scotsman. Because Dagromm, and I decided to try out Top Golf. Essentially it is a two-story driving range with gigantic electronic targets all over the range. You sink up your bucket of micro-chipped golf balls with an account you open at the range. Then every time you hit one of your balls onto the range and hit one of the targets you get points for accuracy and distance. Points! That's right... points! It turns driving range practice into a game. A game where you don't have to haul your ass all over God's green earth. A game where all you have to do is sit at your table and order drinks from the beer girl that strolls by. Needless to say I won 4 out of 5 rounds and the whole day was awesome.

We then met up with Pokiman on Saturday morning for 15 hours of non-stop hot gaming action. We decided to break away from the monotony of Dagromm's house and move venues. Actually the fact that Dagromm is re carpeting his entire estate was the reason why we had to move venues. That and his wife no longer allows friends to come over after Dagromm showed up one night with a gang of Hells Angels he met at the bar in his local Bennigans. They said they needed a place to "lay low" for a night or two. Need I say more? It just so happened that my new office building has an entire floor that is one gi-mungus conference room with kitchenette. So we crashed my office and spread out our gear all over the room. We declared nuclear war, we slaughtered orcs and goblins in a dark underworld, we raced sports cars across the French countryside, we wagered on mythical titans in gladiatorial combat, and we ate ham and cheese sandwiches all day long. Glorious was every minute. I also believe that I won 4 out of 5 rounds on this day as well. But that was to be expected.

Rock Me!

The things your parents never tell you!

2008-07-01T15:30:00.001-05:00

Based on some of the more recent comments from Gyuss, I could tell there was a great deal of sexual tension in the air. So I just wanted to be on the safe side and make sure that everyone out there in Blog Country was aware of this very serious national issue.

Please... please... save the kittens.

When Titans Collide!

2008-06-28T14:33:00.016-05:00

The air was filled with an electric energy just before the fateful reunion took place. Tens of thousands had gathered from across the world to witness what would surely be a momentous event. As the crowd began to swell and the media swirled in circles a host of angles sprang forth from the heavens and shined their blessed light down onto the earth. For MRT and CyberD finally reunited after a decade apart. They reached out and grasped hands and the crowd roared with celebration. Camera bulbs flashed and a symphony orchestra spontaneously erupted with Beethoven's Ode to Joy. The two titans of mankind stood for a moment amidst the throngs of mortals before sitting before a bountiful feast.

Much was said between these two warriors of old but even more was communicated. They regaled each other with tales of wonder that defined a decade long journey of exploration and adventure. No topic was off limits with these two stalwart titans as politics, religion, and Indiana Jones were discussed at great length. Then when all the food had been eaten and the wine and been drunk the two icons of time stood up from their feast and agreed that such a reunion would become a regular part of their heroic rituals. Finally, after an exchange of business cards and emails they parted ways with thoughts of the next reunion in their mind's eye.

And now for something completely different

2008-06-18T10:58:00.014-05:00

I took the DART (or Dallas Area Rapid Transit) into work today. I rarely do this but I'm turning over a new fiscal leaf and that means cutting gas expense for the month. Every time I ride the DART, I always grab a free copy of this city newsletter called Quick. Anyway... I stumbled across this article in it by a gentleman known as Alibaster K. Abthernabther. I cannot describe the genius of this author. You really must read it for yourself. In fact, as it turns out - this quasi-fictional-man-about-town has his own blog. Feel free to visit it frequently. I know I will. Sadly, I could not find his article from Quick on the blog so I am re-posting it here for posterity.

Dear Gary Coleman,

Good day to you, good sir. My name is Alibaster K. Abthernabther. I am a best selling author, champion yacht racer, hot-air balloon enthusiast and fellow recreational adventurer.

Welcome to our fair city! I could not help but notice the local news reports declaring that you had been spotted near and around our Deep Ellum entertainment district, filming a motion picture wherein you apparently wrestle a gentleman dressed in a taco costume.

That is to say the gentleman you were wrestling was wearing a taco suit; not you, Gary Coleman. Perhaps you were both dressed as tacos? Really, I'm not too clear on who was dressed as what, though I am quite sure that at least one of you was in a taco disguise. Nevertheless! Do you think for one moment that I have forgotten about the Ancient Golden Monkey Femur of Khali-Ahhh? Well, rethink that, my friend. Your goons may have knocked me out and tried to erase my memory with 100 CCs of hydromydrophenelin, which may have worked on a lesser man. But I am constructed of mightier stuffs!

I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. Actually, I don't quite remember yesterday particularly well. I think I was doing whip-its behind a Dumpster yesterday. That's a "maybe," though.

However, last week I remember quite vividly. So I remember the events of Nov. 8, 1942, as vividly, if not more so. U.S. and British forces had just landed in French North Africa. It was mere coincidence that you and I would meet there, searching for the same prize.

The legend of the Ancient Golden Monkey Femur of Khali-Ahhh needs not be retold. It is as infamous as it is sexy, and as sexy as it is deadly. It's an infamously, deadly, sexy, legend. But it dare not be repeated.

Mere hours after our dinner with the prime minister of Oonk, as dusk begat twilight begat dawn, we were embroiled in fisticuffs atop a mountain peak, naked and slathered in baby oil. Possession of the precious Golden Monkey Femur would go to the victor. And we both know that you were the victor that night, Gary Coleman.

Mark these words, old chum: I will reclaim what is rightfully mine. Most likely by the time these very words meet your eye, the Ancient Golden Monkey Femur of Khali-Ahhh will once again be mine.

Yours,
Alibaster K. Abthernabther

A giant falls...

2008-06-16T11:14:00.006-05:00

I have to apologize. It's been too long since my last post. It's been a busy time in the life of the Cyber family but what happened this weekend has pulled me out of my cocoon. When I heard the news that Tim Russert died of a massive heart attack in his office on Friday I was truly saddened. Perhaps surprisingly saddened. Surprised because you always hear about this celebrity death or that celebrity death. You even hear about those that are taken in their prime. But Mr. Russert's passing was terrible to hear. Perhaps it was because he was the one political news man that I cared to tune in and watch on Sunday mornings. Perhaps it was his professional and unbiased approach to journalism that impressed me. Perhaps it was that intangible quality that you sense in people that tells you they are hard working and family centered. But for whatever reason I am saddened. My heart goes out to the Russert family. I cannot imagine how devastating it must be for them right now. As for the greatest political show on television: Meet The Press... well, I know my disappointment for the loss of a great journalist is shared by many.

Indiana Dad

2008-05-23T08:15:00.010-05:00

You never know what to expect from children. I was up early this morning with Lil' Higgins and we were watching one of the morning shows on TV. Then, in the middle of his bottle, he sat up and yelled "Pup-pup!" and pointed at the television. I scanned the entertainment center. Perhaps my wife left one of his stuffed puppy-dogs on top of it. No, and there was no puppy on the program. So I carried Lil' Higgins over to where he was pointing. He was pointing at the program and he wasn't saying "Pup-pup". He was saying "Papa" - the term of endearment the kids use for my dad... their granddad.

It happened to be a case of mistaken identity because Diane Sawyer was interviewing none other than Harrison Ford.

That's awesome! So if my dad is Harrison Ford from Indiana Jones, I guess that makes me... Shia Leboeuf... damn it! Wait a minute... I guess I didn't think that out completely.

The Space Between...

2008-05-06T10:15:00.013-05:00

Everyone knows that The Quad is a tightly knit group. We share everything... and I do mean everything! But every so often we come across a divergence of opinion. Such cognitive dissonance is almost always followed by copious amounts of cursing and death threats. But who can argue with Jamie Presley?

We all know Jamie Presley right? You probably remember her from her famous role as Joy Turner in the critically acclaimed series My Name is Earl.

Loyal fans will have also marveled at her death defying performance as Tina Armstrong in the movie DOA: Dead or Alive.

And the most ardent of fans will remember her turn as Jill in the blockbuster comedy The Adventures of Joe Dirt.

But what you may not know is that this accomplished thespian and gymnast of unlimited talent and unquestionable taste is also a fan of the Dave Matthews Band.

You will note the excerpt taken from a Entertainment Weekly interview some years ago:

Didn't you recently shoot a Dave Matthews video? Yeah, one of those weekends! I worked until 12:30 at night, then got on a plane and flew all night to shoot it in Orlando. It's for ''The Space Between.'' I'm a huge Dave Matthews fan.

I invite all Quad members to commence with borrowing and making copies of all my Dave Matthews Band CD's.

Let's Hear it for Math and Science!

2008-04-22T15:10:00.008-05:00

Now this is what I call making practical use of all those college courses.

College Student Builds Tank!

The Benefit of Cigarettes

2008-04-09T09:40:00.006-05:00

Perhaps the Marlboro Man didn't necessarily enjoy "tasting the adventure". Perhaps he only tolerated "Flavor Country". I'm guessing Mr. Marlboro simply had a severe allergic reaction to bees and wasps.

Yesterday evening the family was playing in the back yard together. While we were outside Lil' Higgins got stung by a bee. You could tell because he started screaming bloody murder out of the blue. We scooped him up and scanned for stingers. We found one on the tip of his finger and it was beginning to swell up and turn bright red. While Mrs. Cyber was in the kitchen getting ice I ran to the first aid kit and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.

"Do you really think that will help?" she asked me. She had heard the tale from my youth. I was stung by several bees during a summer job. One of my coworkers was a chain smoker and he said, "Just slap some nicotine on it. It'll suck that poison right out!" After I paused for a second to take in the absurdity of that comment he had already whipped out a cigarette, broken it in half, slapped it on my arm and covered it with a band-aid. What followed was the most bizarre feeling. I could literally feel the poison being drawn out of my body. It was as if the nicotine was a super sponge. Within a few minutes it was as if I hadn't been stung at all.

My response to my wife was, "Of course it will work!" I quickly followed the instructions I had been given seventeen years ago. I then sat and waited and hoped that my memory hadn't played tricks on me. I am happy to say that this home remedy works like a charm! Within half an hour Lil' Higgins was right as rain. I'm proud to say we keep a pack of Marlboro regulars in our home!

Good TV... Long Overdue!

2008-04-07T14:11:00.009-05:00

Watching television this winter has made me feel like a member of the French foreign legion lost in the Sahara desert, with nothing more than a canteen that has a hole in the bottom: Endlessly agonizing.

But spring is finally here and so is some glorious new programming. Lost is on break but watching the new episodes from a few weeks back was like sweet crack cocaine in my veins. Torchwood gets better and better and I'm glad I've given the show time to mature. My Name is Earl was back on this week since January providing us with some classic white trash moments. I'm even enjoying the tired plots of Smallville. But it is the season premiere of Battlestar Galactica that I was most anticipating (next to Doctor Who coming out later this April).

Having had an infinitely long wait since the season 3 finale I've had plenty of time to digest the big reveal... the final 5 Cylons. Or is it? Perhaps it's the big reveal of only 4 of the final 5 Cylons. Can't we all agree that Starbuck is NOT a Cylon? It's too obvious. And aren't they missing out on some shock value to lump that big reveal in with the other 4 Cylons? To be honest I have a problem with Colonel Tigh, Tyrol, and Anders being Cylons, but I'll live. Really the only big Cylon reveal that I did like was the President's aid. This reveal is chock full of wonderful wrinkles that call into question the survival of the human race. Other than forcing the audience to say "Oh my gosh... not Colonel Tigh..." this choice only bogs down the continuity of the show and doesn't make me fear for the human race any more than the impact of the President's second in command being a Cylon. I guess I just like my heroes to stay heroes. I now fear some serious "moral of the story" moment on the horizon.

If the pervasive revelation that some of our best heroes turn out to be Cylons is some trite way of commenting on the nature of good and evil or an attempt to blur the lines of right and wrong... then I shall be well and truly pissed. Can't we just keep our social and political commentary to ourselves?

Perhaps this is the major flaw with Battlestar Galactica as a franchise. The entire mythology lives in this tight vacuum with one set of heroes and one set of villains and nowhere else to expand. They've done the best they could with what they had. They've brought into the story an impressive array of secondary characters and attempted to make them meaningful to the series. But perhaps the series is beginning to collapse in upon itself from the weight of its own expanding mythology. In an attempt to be innovative they are creating logic and continuity problems that begin to require the same kind of brain calisthenics that occurred when Lucas put out the turd-fest of Episodes 1-3 of Star Wars. The more mythology you overlay on a small group of characters the more problems you have with the rules of storytelling.

For me... Starbuck cannot be a Cylon. If she is it will ruin the series. I will stop watching. So happy Sci-Fi everyone!

Pissed Off - Grab Bag

2008-04-02T12:53:00.006-06:00

I was standing over the sink last night washing dishes. You know... doing my little part to help out around the house. After a long hard day of bringing home the bacon I also try to clean that same bacon grease out of the pan that night. Anyway, I'm standing over the sink and I get to the part I hate the most. And when I say hate - I really can't understate how vile this is to me. Revulsion is not too strong a word. Loath is actually pretty spot on! I LOATH WOODEN F-ING SPOONS! The shit that get's caked onto those things is like a bond created at an atomic level! I know why you ladies like the wooden spoons for cooking... they don't scratch the pan; they don't conduct heat, blah - blah - blah! But trying to scrub dried egg, dried soup, or any other food filth off of those bloody things is an exercise in futility. I have to resort to using my own damn finger nails and - if I may peel back the curtain just a bit on my own inner psychosis - touching the food stained remains of dirty dishes is the essence of repulsive to me!

How about those stupid ass travel industry counter attendants? Perhaps it’s because I travel so much for my work but I've run across my fair share of these sons a bitches. In fact I had one a few weeks ago down in SoTex. When I travel I keep a tight schedule so I have very little patience for the out of ordinary delay! Anyway, I'm turning in a rental car. It's the end of a VERY long day and my frazzled wife and kids are waiting outside. I hand over the keys for the lady to provide me a receipt for the rental. She starts to tap on her counter key-board. Clickity, clack, clack, clackity, click, click. She pauses for a moment and then goes at it again for about five freakin’ minutes. More Clickity, clack, clack and Clackity, click, click. She stops and frowns before continuing for another impressive sonata. Mind you, she doesn't say a damn thing to me, but I can tell there’s a problem. So I wait and wonder when she's going to admit it. It goes on, and on, and on... until another five minutes go by and I have to say something.

Me: "Is there a problem?"

Lady: "Well I'm having trouble getting our rental out of the hold status."

Me: "How can it be in a hold status, I just rented it?"

Lady: "Well I upgraded you yesterday and I meant to take it off of hold but I couldn't."

Me: "So what about today made you think it would magically work?"

Lady: "Well I guess I just have to call regional and have them do it."

Me: "Do I really need to be here for this."

Lady: "Well, I assume you need a receipt."

Me: "Fax it to me... goodbye."

I have one final story for you today, and this is the pièce de résistance, the coup de grâce if you will. Dear heavenly Lord I almost throttled the woman in front of me in line at my local WalMart last week. I did my best to pick the line that might clear the fastest. It was late and I wanted to get home. As luck would have it there was a middle aged lady in a snappy blue blazer with about twenty items, so I jumped in line behind her. Little did I know she would stop the check-out girl for EVERY DAMN ITEM to inform she had a coupon. But wait! It gets better. You see she didn't have a stack of coupons. She had a stack of magazines. She had to flip through each one, page by page, find the coupon, extend her arms over the counter, without relinquishing the damn coupon, have the checker zap it, before placing the magazine back in her stack. She did this EVERY time! I almost had a fucking aneurism right then and there. But WAIT! It gets even better! Finally the checker rang up the total and this smartly dressed lady pulls out her check book. At this point I am scrutinizing ever move she makes so the fact that she writes the stinking check like it's calligraphy for a wedding invitation forces me to curse her under my breath. She deftly hands over the pristinely written check to the checker only to have the WalMart data base DECLINE the method of payment!!! Wonderful! Whip out that credit card and be done with it, right? Oh no... She proceeds to write another check. The checker objects but the woman insists this is a different method of payment... after all... it's a different damn check!!!!! It is taking every ounce of restraint I have to not knock this woman's block off. The checker stupidly accepts the 2nd check only for it to be declined as well. No shit, Sherlock Holmes! So what does the woman do? She leaves her groceries at the counter and tells her that she will return later with payment.

Dear sweet heavenly baby Jesus! Save me from a damn stroke!

Firing Blanks

2008-03-31T09:19:00.006-06:00

Well, the deed is done. I went under the knife last week and my doc cut the main line... so to speak. I now join the ranks of G-Dog and Dagromm who no longer are able to spawn any more children. The only difference is that mine wasn't court mandated.

I have to say that the surgery itself wasn't terrible. There were only two moments of "make you want to jump up and slap that son of a bitch" pain. Following that, the recovery could have been much worse, but my old friend... I mean my new friend vicoden made all the difference in the world.

Now I'm back at my desk with a bottle of extra strength Tylenol. Only thing now left to do is empty the remainder of the clip. Apparently I'm still potent for a good three months. So watch out ladies!

Will Resume Normal Broadcasting...

2008-03-26T09:59:00.003-06:00

Do I have some great blog-worthy topics to post for you people? Hell yeah! Why haven't I posted in two weeks? Because ever since my family got back from a trip to visit friends in SoTex, an annoying little virus has been running through the family. By the time it ran through my wife and kids the thing must have mutated into something quite deveastaing because it has had me on my ass for the last seven days.

Never mind the fact that I still hopped a plane for a three day work trip anyway. Never mind the fact that I also threw my back out so badly, I can now do a spot on impersonation of my great grandmother. Life must go on... Now to top it off, as my fever winds to a close and my back improves, I go under the knife for the big "snip-snip" tomorrow morning.

The hits just keep on coming!

But you can damn well expect some awesome blog action next week.

Anatomy of a Geek - Part 3

2008-03-14T12:24:00.002-06:00

The main difference between going off to college and my last big move was that I was armed with better skills at making friends and I was determined to do so. But luck plays a role in these things and I happened to hit the jackpot. My very first friend was my freshman roommate, Gyuss Baaltar. The next day we met our immediate next door neighbor, Pokiman. These two as well as others mentioned on this blog such as Monkeywrench, Braveheart, Urban Cowboy, and Eagle Scout all became a tightly knit group of fast friends for four of the most fabulous years of my life. But no meeting would be more infamous in the annals of geek lore than that of Cyber D and Dagromm.

It was the fall of 1992 and Gyuss had just returned from dinner in the cafeteria and mentioned that he was about to go down and play this board game called Talisman with a bunch of the other freshman on the second floor. I hadn't heard of the game but when I learned it was fantasy based I was in. Dagromm and I met playing that game and we learned about of shared interest in Dungeons & Dragons. Following the holiday break Dagromm and I returned to campus and embarked upon, what I can only describe, as the most ambitious, creative, detailed, comprehensive, endeavor of a two year Dungeons & Dragons campaign. It started simply enough by recruiting players for the game. There were a few no-brainers like Gyuss and Pokiman, who had played before. But the vast majority of our friendship circle had no idea what an RPG was yet they condescended to give it a try. Because we were dealing with so many rookie players we realized we had an opportunity to do something very different. It was an opportunity to break the mold of traditional style gaming and bring something fresh to the experience. Our idea was to instill a gritty realism to a fantasy world that is typically lacking in fantasy games. So often game-masters focus solely on the mechanics of a game that the experience gets boiled down to a goal oriented arms race of who can accumulate more power faster than anyone else. This style leaves out so much of what makes RPG's great.

Consequently we identified three overarching aspects to bring to every adventure. The first was fear. We wanted the players to feel that the world around them was not this homogenous, friendly, by-the-book environment. In every adventure they would encounter prejudice, ignorance, betrayal, and an impoverished feudal society where trust was a more precious commodity than gold. The second was the school of hard knocks. Realistically the life of an adventurer would be a hard and thankless life. Most people would see you as nothing more than a mercenary and mercenaries are never to be trusted. We wanted to convey to the party that there was a reason why all the people in the world around them chose to be bartenders and blacksmiths… because adventuring was not always profitable but more importantly it was dangerous and deadly. This brings us to our third aspect that we wanted to instill into our mythology – Death. We made a conscious decision to make no allowances for the luck of the dice. If a character died based on the rules we did not change the outcome. Consequently many players started from scratch over and over and few players ever saw their characters advance.

Reading this you might wonder if our games were fun at all but I believe that our players shared an experience like no other. Because though the characters didn’t often reap the benefits of their adventures, we always tried to reward the players with something extra. From the beginning we provided a back story to the world around them, with a detailed mythology of original deities, information on how each race of creatures viewed the other, and ongoing information guides about new cities and cultures as they traveled the land. But the pinnacle of innovation was without a doubt our weekly newsletter. This precursor to every adventure was peppered with references from the characters recent encounters as well as littered with information that could help guide them on their upcoming task. Each newsletter built upon the last, rewarding loyal attendance and readership the same way a serialized television show might reward an astute and regular viewer with details only they can appreciate.

The Divine Messages as they were known became one of the most anticipated aspects of a two year campaign. But what was perhaps more amazing then anything related to the game itself was how the game brought different people together. To this day I doubt I will ever experience a more diverse cross section of individuals working together as a team towards a common goal. Of the nine regular players we had a theater major, a football jock, a Hispanic player, an African American player. We had mostly men, but the women represented too. We had straight A students and we had a player that eventually flunked out of school. We had business majors, English majors, psychology majors, economics majors and more. We had people who had grown up in small towns and those that grew up in the big city. We saw friendships develop that would have never exhisted prior to that shared experience. We spent hours of game time together but many have since spent infinitely more time outside the game. Some of my longest standing and dearest friends come from that experience and from a personal standpoint - I share a leadership experience with Dagromm that I am as proud of as any professional accomplishment.

We didn’t manage to play Dungeons & Dragons for all four years of school. Ultimately the multitude of other demands placed on any college student pulled us in different directions, but we all remained fast friends. Dagromm, Gyuss, Pokiman, and I continued to get together for a variety of different geek-fest activities but my last and best foray into Dungeons & Dragons will always hold a very special place in my memory. So for all you geeks out there in blog country… I salute you!

Anatomy of a Geek - Part 2

2008-03-11T08:33:00.026-06:00

So there I was, a nervous thirteen year old kid in a new town with the daunting task of making new friends. I'd like to say it was easy but it wasn't. To make a long story short, my junior high years were a bit lonely for me but I found comfort in the escapism of storytelling. Unfortunately Dungeons & Dragons is a communal experience and that was in short supply, but I looked elsewhere for enjoyment and found it in Choose Your Own Adventure Books as well as my first attempts to write. I believe these years were the years that I learned the love of writing. At that time it was essentially the equivalent of playing an RPG for me. What I didn't realize was that writing is really the original RPG. If these activities weren't enough to solidify my geek credentials than my television habits surely sealed the deal.

Prior to leaving my childhood home I was introduced to the television show Doctor Who. My first exposure was in the form of an RPG (go figure). After playing D&D every day for years, my friends and I branched off into all variety of knock-off role playing game and the one we loved most was Doctor Who. I then learned it was based on the British television show and started watching from time to time. After moving away, Doctor Who went from being a "time to time" occurrence to a weekly occurrence of watching recording and cataloging episodes. I can't stress the geek importance of cataloging episodes because it was those in-between days when I made good use of my collection and thus spawned my penchant for collecting. Since that time I have collected all manner of geek item from videos, to metal soldiers, to collectible toys, and more. But I digress. I have friends that make fun of my love of Who, and I'm no dummy. I can see the wobbly sets, the over-acting, and the occasional flimsy story line, but I essentially forgive those things out of respect for what Doctor Who was for me at that time in my life and to a larger extant what Doctor Who did for the science fiction and fantasy genre as a whole. Like other kids, I have tremendously fond memories of watching each new story unfold before me, amazed at the never ending cornucopia of aliens, enemies, allies, and plot lines that dated back more than twenty years! That history and longevity was like a warm blanket of consistency for a child who was growing up and learning, like most other young people, that most things in life are fleeting.

Then came the summer of 1989 when my local PBS station stopped carrying the increasingly expensive Who serials. Needless to say I was extremely disappointed but timing is everything and it just so happened that my friendship circle widened to include two guys that I still call friends today. We grew up together between 10th grade and high school graduation. We learned how to drive cars, relate to girls, and formed strong bonds that I still cherish. I put aside Doctor Who, and Dungeons & Dragons, and Star Wars, and metal soldiers in exchange for the fast times of high school life. But unlike many of my peers, I never felt that I compromised my own personal set of values despite the avalanche of temptation to do so. I have no doubt in my mind that this was due to great parenting but also to a long-standing commitment of being true to myself, established early on by my unashamed love of my geekier side.

The fall of 1992 brought with it another big move as I embarked on my college years and an opportunity to fold together my every-man lifestyle with my inner geek.

To Be Concluded...

Anatomy of a Geek

2008-03-06T09:15:00.005-06:00

So what is a geek really? I find the whole definition of geek to be terribly interesting because we come in so many different shapes and sizes. Is it someone obsessed and adept with technology? Some are, but that is not me. I do okay but I'm no IT professional. Some say a geek is someone who uses hard-core academics to live their real world lives, like using multivariate math to bake a cake. That's not me. I can't even tolerate reading instructions. Finally there are those people who have a devotion to something that sets them apart from the mainstream. Ahhhh... that sounds more like it. Yep, I'm a Doctor Who fan. I read Lord of the Rings and have even attended a Star Wars convention. And yet I didn't collect comics when I was a child, I actually had girlfriends in high school, and I've never... EVER... let my hair grow past the top of my ears. So even though I can lose myself in the crowd at the national republican convention, what sets me apart from the throngs of boring white people? The answer is my inner geek.

Or should I say my inner story teller? I had planned a post about my geek origins for some time and it seems like the death of Gary Gygax is fitting enough timing, partly because it was his influence that offered me my first look into a shared experience of creative story telling. You see it all started at the tender age of ten years old. My two best friends, who lived down the street, introduced me to the wonderful game of Dungeons & Dragons. I was immediately captivated by it. It was like my mind came alive with possibilities as I entered another universe where I could help to shape its outcome.

At that time in my life, I was like many young boys who loved cartoons, action figures, and pretty much anything that could delight and entertain. Ironically enough it is around this time that many children begin to see the perils of conformity looming ahead. Junior High was just around the corner and I had no idea the lengths to which society could go to squash a child's unbridled creativity. I am happy to say that I was one of the lucky ones. After being introduced to role playing games, when my two friends and I would get together, we would play nothing else for the next three years. It is hard to articulate that feeling of first being exposed to a game that literally required only a pencil, some paper, and your imagination. To this day I still have memories of those early adventures and the images that it evoked in my own mind. Those were formative times because it helped me appreciate and find the joy in creating something from nothing. In fact it was so rewarding that I refused to relinquish my grip on it.

The summer I turned thirteen I moved away from the only place I had ever known as home. I would see my two best friends from time to time over the next few years but I wouldn't play Dungeons and Dragons with any regularity for a very long time. I moved hundreds of miles away to a place where I knew no one. But I didn't let that squash my inner geek, because just prior to my move I had been introduced to a funky little British TV show called Doctor Who.

To Be Continued...

NBA eyes the Cyber Family

2008-02-29T08:46:00.004-06:00

I am filled with pride as I address the media, blog country, and all NBA fans. Mrs. Cyber and I have weighed all the options and we are excited to announce that our son, Lil' Higgins will become NBA draft eligible this year. This of course will clear the way for him to become the number 1 pick overall in the draft. It was a difficult decision but you have to take these opportunities when they are in front of you. Of course we all know about him as a player. The great ball handling skills, knowledge of the game, and overall athleticism. But do you know about Lil' Higgins the toddler? He has a great courtside presence, and his leadership skills are unquestioned. He'll be a great addition to any team and will likely be the cornerstone around the franchise. My son will not be taking questions at this time as he only knows how to say the words "Apple" "Mommy" and "Dog". But I can tell you as his father, manager, and publicist, he is excited about the challenge. Finally, you can all anticipate a follow-up press conference as I finalize negotiations for endorsement contracts with Adidas, Gatorade, and Pampers. That will be all, thank you and goodnight.

Long Time No See

2008-02-25T11:26:00.010-06:00

In the fall of 1992 I was a young lad venturing forth into the great unknown. I was headed off to college and the only other person I had even spoken with was Gyuss. We were to be freshmen roommates so we had called each other to talk about color patterns for linens and the appropriate scent of potpourri as well as our preference for antiques versus modern furniture. But other than that, I knew not a single soul on campus. Shortly after our arrival on campus Gyuss and I began to make friends.

College is such a great time for friendship - with almost no limitations. I don't think I ever pondered how many people I would be able to keep up with in the long run. You lived in the moment. Looking back there have been some that I wonder about and regret not keeping in better touch. You know those people in your life, don't you? Let's see... like the girl next door that ended up becoming an exotic dancer, the crazy nerd that ended up inventing the ipod, or the whacky dude that always cracked you up with his bizarre yet side-splitting sense of humor.

It just so happens that I've run into that "funny guy" again and he has his own blog... 4 blogs in fact! So go check out Robert's stuff at Too Much Time On My Hands. I don't want to oversell his comedic genius but reading his work was an instant reminder of his off-beat funn-ac-ity... is that a word?

Book Review: Webster's Way With Words

2008-02-22T08:46:00.007-06:00

Last night The Wheel in Space hosted it's Cyber-Book-Club. We've all been reading a really compelling piece of work by Merriam Webster called The Dictionary. Today I'm happy to share with Blog-Country my review of this ground breaking work.

I have to say it is a dauntingly dense read, while at the same time rich with layered subtext. Webster demonstrates his powerful mastery of the English language by weaving into his story an elaborate vocabulary the likes of which I have rarely seen in other work. Webster also impresses with a fine grasp of structured story telling. Each of its 36 chapters are neatly organized, creating a natural flow to the overall work.

Admittedly, the attention to detail is, at times, tedious. While some have blamed Tolkien for taking a paragraph to describe a blade of grass. Webster actually takes paragraphs to describe the words blade, grass, and even the word of!

Still, the precision, creative use of language, and the near perfect specificity make it a gripping tale worthy of any personal library. In fact, more than 35 million people agree with me if the sales numbers have anything to say about it. In short, I highly recommend you go out and purchase a copy of The Dictionary. It is a real page-turner!

Next Month, the Cyber-Club is going to tackle another one of Merriam's great works. The Thesaurus.

Have a Big Dirty Valentine

2008-02-15T09:36:00.002-06:00

So Valentines has come and gone once again. The roses have started to wilt and the chocolates have now turned to those unwanted extra pounds on your body. Like most, I love Valentines Day. So much so I was too busy getting busy with my woman to post about it on the actual day. But this morning I had a very troubling experience. You know who I'm talking about... that's right... Big Dirty.

This morning I was taking my garbage out the alley when I notice Big Dirty curled up on my back porch shivering in his sleep... or maybe it was a drunken stooper. He was wearing only a blue blazer, a pair of tighty-whities, and some pink bunny slippers.

I attempted to quietly step over him, hoping I could dump my trash and get back inside before he woke up. Unfortunately Big Dirty has the acute senses of a bald eagle and he stirred almost instantly. The following conversation followed.

Big Dirty: Of course I love you baby! (turns head from side to side groggy) Oh hey, CyberD.

Me: Oh, hey. I was just taking out my trash.

Big Dirty: That's cool... Sometimes you got to kick the chicks to the curb.

(He proceeds to cough uncontrollably as he stands up and dusts off his blazer, covered in all manner of unidentifiable grime).

Me: So what are you doing here?

Big Dirty: Me? Oh... you know, just hangin' out. You want to go do something?

Me: I'm kinda busy. Gotta go to work.

Big Dirty: That's cool, I'll just hang here until you're done. We can go grab an Old Milwaukie later.

Me: I thought you were spending time with your lady friend this weekend.

Big Dirty: Oh yeah, we totally partied last night, but I decided that she was gettin' too clingy, man. Big Dirty's got to roll free and unfettered, ya know.

Me: So you broke it off?

Big Dirty: Well not so much me as... er... um...

Me: Oh! Dude. Sorry man.

Big Dirty: Nah... that's okay. I got to keep it real and all.

Me: So what happened to your clothes?

Big Dirty: I had no idea how conniving high school girls can be.

Me: What?

Big Dirty: Well, I decided to hit the Valentines Dance down at the high school. Ya know how it is. So one minute I'm rockin' out with some hot babes and the next minute I'm tied to a tree with no pants.

Me: You know high school girls are underage right?

Big Dirty: And fucking thieves too!

Me: Well, okay... so I guess I'll talk to you later.

Big Dirty: Totally, man. Call me when you're ready to get that beer!

Shameless Plug

2008-02-14T09:08:00.005-06:00

Does anyone need a refresher on how big a geek I am? No? Okay... So in addition to being a huge fan of things like Doctor Who, Farscape, Star Wars, and yada yada yada, I'm also a monstro-fan of this late 90's Disney cartoon called Gargoyles. It came out while I was in college and a group of my friends made it a point to sit down every afternoon at 3pm to catch the latest episode. UrbanCowboy and Gyuss had the foresight to record episodes on VHS and I was lucky enough to make copies of their collection. So every so often I pull out the old VHS tapes and watch a few episodes of this fantastic story. For those of you who have never watched Gargoyles, I highly recommend it.

Essentially the story is about a group of Gargoyles from medieval times who are frozen in stone by a magic spell for a thousand years. They wake up after the spell is broken and find themselves living in Manhattan. They befriend a New York City cop and together attempt to resume life as protectors of the innocent. The writing is superb, the artwork is (at times) fantastic and the over-arching mythology is a growing tapestry of intrigue that will keep you entertained episode after episode. A few years ago the first season of Gargoyles came out on DVD. I snatched it up in a heartbeat and anxiously awaited season 2. Thankfully DVD sales were good so Disney released the first half of season 2. Unfortunately since that time it appears that DVD sales for the latest release were not as expected and there is a risk that season 2 - part 2 may not happen.

So if you are a fan of great storytelling, exquisite artwork, and edge of your seat adventure I encourage you to try out the Gargoyles series on DVD. Rent it, buy it, borrow it, but if you like it, consider adding it to your DVD library.

News Flash - Dagromm is a Jerk

2008-02-13T09:50:00.002-06:00

These are the last four comments Dagromm has made on my blog:

Dagromm: I don't get this post. Please redo. (commenting on Slogan)

Dagromm: That picture is the second gayest picture that I've ever seen of you. (commenting on Big Fat Super Tuesday)

Dagromm: I saw this like forever ago. I thought about posting it then decided that it was lame just to post video clips. Don't get me wrong it's ok for the W.I.S. and everything, but people expect a little more from the H.O.D. (commenting on Simply Amazing)

Dagromm: I'm not into kids shows that teach them about animals. We live in the F'ing city. My kids aren't growing up to be zoo keepers shoveling elephant crap. I wish there were more shows for kids teaching them how to recognize a zone blitz or how to break down a cover 2. (commenting on Children's Television Potpourii)

Dags and I have known each other for some time so I don't know why I should expect anything different. In fact, his brand of comments are pretty typical for him, I guess it just stands out since he posts so infrequently now but MAN, I'd like to sneak up behind him and give him an atomic wedgie!

Slogan

2008-02-12T10:14:00.000-06:00

So I've been trying out a new slogan for the year.

"Make it Great in 2008!"

But I'm finding that people feel it is a little over the top and somewhat annoying. I mean don't get me wrong, I love it! It has all the right ingrediants. It's positive, descriptive, and exuberant. What's not to love about it? But perhaps it does smack of sarcasim. Perhaps the world is just too jaded for such a slogan. In fact the last time I issued my slogan was to the check-out girl at my local grocery store. I could sware she rolled her eyes. Imagine the nerve!!!! And you wouldn't believe it but I'm pretty sure my neighbor gave me the finger after I told him to "Please rake your leaves and Make it Great in 2008!"

So it is with mixed emotions that I announce a new annual slogan. I've found something more fitting for the pesimistic and selfish times that we live in.

Enjoy:

Meandering Conversation

2008-02-08T09:10:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had one of those circuitous conversations with a family member? It can be truely bizarre where those discussions can take you. This is a conversation I had with my sister while sitting at my desk during my lunch hour.

Ring Ring Ring

Me: Hello

Sis: Hey, Brother. How are you?

Me: Good, I'm just sitting here havig some lunch and surfing the net.

Sis: Really, what are you surfing?

Me: First off, never ask a man what he's surfing. Second, I'm checking out my old Yahoo Music radio station. I hadn't logged-on in over a year.

Sis: Point taken.

Me: Did you know that you can now watch music videos on Yahoo music?

Sis: No.

Me: Yeah, it's pretty cool. You learn something new everyday. Like take for example that Fergie song, Girls Don't Cry. I had no idea that the star of Heroes plays her boyfriend in the video. That's weird casting isn't it?

Sis: Who's Fergie?

Me: Come on, don't tell me you don't know Fergie. Being a new mom really does isolate you! Do I have to teach you everything?

Sis: Seriously. I don't know.

Me: You know... she used to be a part of the band The Black Eyed Peas. Now she's gone out on her own.

Sis: Oh yeah, she was on Oprah the other day. Actually, I think I may have known about Fergie longer than you.

Me: What do you mean?

Sis: I'll send you a link to YouTube so you can see for yourself.

Me: *Long Pause* Dear Lord... I had no idea...

Big Fat Super Tuesday

2008-02-05T22:55:00.000-06:00

As the rest of the world watches with baited breath the unfolding primary results, The Wheel in Space is gearing up for Mardis Gras. That's right folks. We'll be celebrating in style here at the Wheel and our first shipment of beads has already hit the loading dock. We're firing up the grill, and putting the margarita mix on ice. So come one come all, especially the ladies!!! Let me hear from you if you've got a great Gras Story to share.

Simply Amazing!

2008-01-31T14:51:00.000-06:00

The results of this play have not been altered through computer graphics. It's one of the most amazing series of laterals you'll ever see. I can't give kudos to the man who edited this thing together, man must he be an annoying douche bag. But it's worth watching!

Children's Television Potpourri

2008-01-29T10:58:00.000-06:00

All parents know the familiar love-hate relationship you have with television programming for kids. On one hand it can be a useful educational tool, teaching your children about sharing, caring, and other important life lessons. On the other hand it is more often then not a vacuous, empty, repository, for meaningless junk that will rot your child's brain all the while teaching your children that they will die without the latest toy, gizmo, or junk food snack. And even though the later is more often the case than the former, we as parents find ourselves allowing the impressionable minds of our dear children to be influenced by everything from the sublime to the ridiculous. The main reason being that despite its drawbacks, the respite that we parents need to do other things around the house would be impossible without the help of the electric glow of television. With both my boys being sick this last week we had an extra dose of TV-time and this is what I learned about my son's viewing habits.

Zaboomafoo

I learned that a kids show about animals can kick-ass. This is actually a decent program. Every episode children learn about different animals, where they live, what they eat, and a multitude of other interesting facts. The Kratt Brothers host the program along side their adorable leaping lemur pal, Zaboomafoo. The brothers aren't to terribly annoying and Zaboo is actually a tolerable puppet character. All in all I give this show two thumbs way up!

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperfoce Go

I learned that programing for kids ages 6-12 years old is going to rock. My son isn't old enough to appreciate these types of shows yet but I can hardly wait. I mean who wouldn't love a show that has the word Hyperforce in the title... and the word Monkey... and Robot... and Super... and Go! I watched just a few minutes of this show late one afternoon while the boys were taking there naps. Good stuff.

LazyTown

Finally, I learned that for every good wholesome piece of programming there is it's antithesis - its ying to the other's yang. I don't know where my son first noticed the show LazyTown. I think it was on the Nick Jr. website. All I can think to say is... what the F-ing hell? I'm not sure how to describe this show. Weird beyond measure... like Captain Kangaroo on acid and steroids... like... like... well, just see for yourself.

Playoffs!?!?!

2008-01-16T12:56:00.000-06:00

It was a rough weekend of football. I was so excited going into it because I was determined to watch all four playoff games... and I did! From that standpoint it was glorious by any measure. But the results were less then desirable. Things started off well with the Sea-Bags losing to The Pack on the literal "Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field!!!" The best part about this game was watching these professionals fight, scratch, slide, and generally duke it out in a driving blizzard. What a great game. Little did I know that the venerable Favre heading for the NFC championship game would have so much more meaning by weekends end. Unfortunately the other three games didn't go quite as well.

As predicted that unstoppable juggernaut that is the New England Patriots proved once again that if you are the upstart Jaguars and you make stupid mistakes and throw costly interceptions, Bill Belichick will fuck you in the ass like nobodies business. Brady managed to still play with perfect hair and not impregnate any more super-models during the game. Randy Moss managed to play with vomit inducing perfection. And Coach Bill continued to be a real charmer. With this Jacksonville loss it meant that the Sunday game between the Chargers and Colts was all the more important.

In my opinion the Colts are the better matched team to beat the Patriots so I was cheering on the illustrious Peyton Manning and his noble soldiers of fortune. Too bad they played with so little urgency that an injury riddled San Diego had no trouble keeping and holding their second-half lead. Never in my life would I award a game ball to a punter until Sunday. That son of a bitch is a stud. Even when the Colts defense did their job that punter managed to put the Colts offense in bad situations ever time! It is now the whiny ass of LaDanian Tomlinson up against Pretty Boy Brady.

To cap off a really shit-pile weekend of football the Cowboys and Tony Romo coughed up a giant turd of a loss to the underdog Giants. Wade Phillips said to the media in the post game press conference that the better team lost and that we should be happy with a 13-3 season. Hmmmmmm.... I may be a football idiot but doesn't the win define the better team? Doesn't falling short of potential deserve feelings of disappointment? The Cowboys have no excuse and I am now officially putting Wade Phillips on my "you better watch the hell out" list. I think everyone here understands what that means!

So it comes down to these championship games. I'm no too pleased with the teams in the AFC and I'm not impressed with the inconsistent play of the Giants so here's to Green Bay and their salty captain. Go Pack Go!

I'm a Marvel... I'm a DC

2008-01-15T10:43:00.000-06:00

Lovingly for Gyuss...

It's All About ME... me!

2008-01-08T23:00:00.000-06:00

My First Meme... Thanks, Susan.

1. This is an all time FAMILY classic: Lil' Higgins and The Big Tuna.

2. Keep your FRIENDS close: Vacation Holiday.

3. Is there better subject matter than YOURSELF? I think not: Whack Job.

4. My LOVE has no limits: With EXTRA on top!.

5. THE GRAB BAG: Big Dirty Re-Boot.

Pig Skin Grab-Bag

2007-12-31T10:10:00.000-06:00

As the old year winds to a close and the dawn of a new year begins there are so many things one could take time to ponder. Me? I'll ponder the last vestiges of the 2007 season of the National Football League. From a fantasy perspective it's been another bad year. Well, not all bad. The Sports Donkey Lollipop Buffet pulled itself out of complete disaster and made a strong run for a play-off berth. Alas, we came up short. A condition that Q is all too familiar with. I'd like to thank all those that continued to believe in The Buffet and a giant "F-You" to Randy Moss for old times sake.

On the subject of the New England Patriots. It turns out those cheating bastards managed to do what no other team since 1972 has done. I tip my hat to those son's of bitches for not losing a single regular season game. It's funny you know. It's not everyday that you can watch history in the making. You would think that I might cheer on the Patriots, simply to be able to say to my grandchildren that I witnessed perfection at work in 2007. But for some reason I couldn't help but wish for failure upon them. I even stayed up to watch the Giants cough up a turd against them on Saturday night. Perhaps it is the fact that I'm a Colts fan, mind you, not a huge Colts fan but a fan none the less. Perhaps it was because they were caught cheating and I hate cheaters. More likely, it is the fact that Bill Belichick is a complete douche and everyone knows I hate a good douche! Anyway, I've still got three more games of hope to keep me going. That's the beauty of a perfect season. It isn't entirely perfect until you win the Super Bowl. So Go Cowboys!!!!!!!!

Finally, with the play-offs looming, one can't help but think about life without football once again. It happens every year and yet I am still caught unprepared for the long lonely months that lie ahead. The NFL does a decent job of giving you little morsels along the way, but it's really nothing more than a giant tease. The Draft? After round 1 who cares? The NFL pro-bowl? Please! It sucks. The Combine? That's really more for college football lovers and generic sports junkies. No, the best I can hope for is some great off-field antics by some misguided players. Take this last year for example... In some ways, I have Micheal Vick to thank for getting me back into the spirit of football earlier than usual. Don't get me wrong, There's a special place in hell reserved for that bastard, but I have to admit, it was nice to go into the Mr. Gatti's for lunch last summer and already see ESPN analysts talking about the future of the Atlanta Falcons. Good times... good times.

So I guess I'll leave you with these last nuggets of wisdom. Remember it is always better to give than to receive. Gyuss taught me that back in college. Auld Lang Syne is old Scottish for "Old Long Since," and Fuck Randy Moss!

The Reason for the Season

2007-12-10T11:24:00.000-06:00

It's been a busy holiday season. My office conducts more business in the months of November and December than the entire rest of the year combined, so you can imagine every minute counts. Consequently, the blog has suffered. But we always have to remind ourselves why we do what we do. Why do I put in long hours of travel with nights away from family? Why do I work so hard that even the blog goes without attention? When I look at some of my all time favorite family pictures, I am reminded. Because at the end of the day, nothing is more important than knowing that I have worked my hardest to provide the ones I love with everything they deserve.

Me and Lil' Magnum Playing Superman

Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Magnum at the Halloween Carnival 2006

A Quiet Moment Between Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins

Me, Lil' Higgins, and Lil' Magnum at Home

Me and Lil' Higgins

Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Higgins at Disneyland

Lil' Higgins in his Turkey Day Outfit

MERRY CHRISTMAS BLOG COUNTRY!

Thanksgiving Report Card

2007-11-26T08:17:00.000-06:00

Well, it was one hell of a Thanksgiving. We got off to a rockin' start, making it to the airport with ten whole minutes to spare before our plane boarded. I actually had time to take Lil' Magnum to tinkle before leaving, the only problem is that he ran out of the bathroom without holding my hand and almost got his clock cleaned by one of those lazy person shuttles that drive around the terminal. Damn lazy people! Magnum got a stern talking to for that one.

The flight went rather well with only a few minor outbursts by Lil' Higgins, who (being only 8 months old) didn't understand how to handle the ear pain that comes with pressure changes. After landing, we waiting in baggage claim for an inordinately long amount of time but that was off-set by the fact that I spotted the minor celebrity, Shannon Elizabeth. All in all I give the airport and flight experience an A-.

After arriving at my cousin's pad I began to feel like real donkey crap. Low energy, aches, pains, etc. etc. Up to this point we believed our kids had minor colds but if they gave me something, it was much worse because I came down with a massive fever and spent the next 14 hours in bed trying to rest up for the planned day trip to Disneyland. All in all I give the afternoon of being sick a C+. Sleeping for 14 hours rocked but I felt terrible.

Luckily my illness was either massive dehydration, body fatigue, or a 24 hour flu, because I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and ready for Disney. We took our boys to the park and my oldest had a blast. We had a few hick-ups along the way but overall it was great fun. We didn't get to ride as many rides as we would have liked due to the fact that moving around with a stroller and two little ones just takes time. I give Disneyland a B-.

Thanksgiving Day was a complete beat-down. To be honest the Dallas and Green Bay games were the best part about the day. Had I known about the Indy game I might have given Thursday a better grade, but I missed that game. The food was okay, but the kids were in rare form. They must have been overly tired (from the day before) because Mrs. Cyber and I didn't really get to enjoy much turkey or stuffing. We dealt with bratty behavior all day. Overall I give Turkey Day a D-.

Friday was extra special because my cousin provided tickets to the Broadway musical Wicked! Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't been to a musical in years sot we jumped at the chance to abandon the boys and go out for an adult evening. The musical rocked, although it wasn't the best I had seen and I only feel a little gay confessing this so I give Wicked and Friday an A-.

Finally the trip back was okay... only that we didn't get home until 9pm on Saturday. The boys were trashed and went to be immediately but Mrs. Cyber had to go out and get the dog that night. Overall the flight home went well except for the liter of ginger ale in my lap. I give the travel day a C.

So my total grad for the trip is a C+. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with kids under the age of 4.

Rock me!

Panic

2007-11-19T16:30:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning with the realization that I am about to board a five hour flight tomorrow from Cybertown, U.S.A. to Los Angeles with my wife, two sons who both have head colds, and my parents.

I myself have recently strained my left wrist for some unknown reason, although my doctor tells me it was from over-use... whatever that means. I'm checking two car seats, a double stroller, and enough bags of clothes, toys, and various miscellaneous items to stock a large department store!

I am insane.

Diagnosis: Dumb Ass

2007-11-15T08:55:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you're like me. Worried about the magical, mystical, Q. His site has been down for weeks and I fear it may never return. But it has been a busy November and I haven't had a chance to call the man until just the other day. The following conversation occurred...

(Phone ringing)

Q: Hello (in weak voice)

Me: Hey, Q! How you doing?

Q: Not to well, Cyber D.

Me: Really? What's wrong?

Q: Well, I'm bad sick.

Me: That's terrible, did you catch the flu bug that's been going around?

Q: No, I think I caught the AIDS.

(Long pause)

Me: What??? You're kidding.

Q: No, man. I feel terrible. Like I'm about to die.

Me: So how did this happen?

Q: I don't know, you know how easy it is to spread germs.

Me: Well, not really. You have to have had unprotected sex or shared a dirty drug needle to get AIDS. Have you done that?

Q: Hell no!

Me: Well then I don't think you have AIDS.

Q: Did you go to medical school, Cyber D?

Me: No.

Q: I suppose I should start calling you Doctor Cyber D now, eh?

Me: Don't be foolish, Q. You don't have the AIDS.

Q: I told you I feel like I'm about to die.

Me: What are your symptoms?

Q: The usual. Runny nose, sore throat, fever, aches and pains. But I've taken a Tylenol and I'm feeling a little better. Still, there's no stopping the AIDS. I suppose it's only a matter of time.

Me: So I suppose Q's Corner isn't coming back.

Q: Not unless I can blog from the grave.

Me: You're not dying, Q.

Q: I'm making out my will now.

Me: Really? What am I getting?

Q: A deer carcass.

(Long Pause)

Me: I love venison!

Q: I know!

Me: Especially with A-1 steak sauce.

Q: Who doesn't?

Me: You know me so well...

Q: And you - me, Cyber D.

Me: So you'll have your mom call me for the funeral right? I've got to run to the grocery store.

Q: No problem.

Look Out! It's an Origin Story!!

2007-11-09T09:19:00.000-06:00

I know Blog Country has wondered for years now how my off-spring came by their inter-web monikers of Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins. Some may believe it was random choice. Others might assume some secret code for a specific personality trait. I stand before you today to reveal the awful truth. Like the name of CyberD, their web-names were born out of a Quad moment.

It was the spring of 2004 when Dagromm, the illustrious Q, and I gathered for lunch at our favorite little whole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. As usual I ordered enchiladas and a glass of ice (as I always bring my own soda to the table). Q and Dagromm rolled their eyes at my B.Y.O.B policy before ordering fajitas for two and a single milk shake and one curly straw.

As I finished my tasty plate of spicy enchiladas and the Q and Dags teased each other over the last strip of Mexican beef, the conversation turned to the upcoming birth of my fist son. At the time Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't decided on his name so Q and Dags pushed hard for something suitably manly for a Quad off-spring. Dags warned me about naming my son something like Ashley or Leonard, lest he be the object of bully-hatred his entire life. I then jokingly said that not all children can grow up to be bad ass like Tom Sellek. Q than asked if I was referring to Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck or Quigley Down Under Tom Selleck because the Quigley Sellek was a little gay.

Dags immediately chimed in with the bombastic opinion that I name my son Magnum. Specifically Magnum Philonious Ignatius or Magnum P.I. for short. I reminded them that if I insisted on such a name, my wife would likely shoot me in the face while I slept. But they decided that my decision didn't matter. My first born child would always be Lil' Magnum to them. As you can see in the photo, Dags was never more serious. He gave Lil' Mag this shirt the day he was born. My son has now fully embraced the persona and occasionally tests the quality and thickness of his ongoing mustache like in this picture.

The Quad tips our hat to you, Lil' Magnum!

Happy and Healthy... It's So EASY!!!

2007-11-04T06:25:00.000-06:00

My wife and I are like many other couples in their mid thirties with multiple children. We're strapped for time, money, energy, and sleep. It shouldn't be a surprise that the stresses of life, work, and parenting can take it's toll on the body. We see the aging process occurring live and in living color and nobody likes that. The glorification of youth has never been more present in our culture and I'm not immune to the desire to lose weight, look younger, and remain relevant in a constantly changing society.

So like many others, we occasionally try to turn over a new leaf, be it diet, exercise, or any other multitude of things. But what really sets me off are these articles on the news and talk shows that try to tell you how easy it is to add years to your life, lose fifty pounds, and have limitless energy. It's always just three simple steps isn't it? That's because they teach you in presentations 101 that an audience can't follow anything longer than three steps. The fact of the matter is, it's never that easy!

Let's take last night for example. Mrs. Cyber and I had finally got the kids down for the night around 9pm. We look around at the house and it is a complete wreck. Dishes piling up, toys strewn about everywhere, laundry needing to be done, etc. etc. You get the idea. As we are cleaning we have a popular talk show running on the television in the background. Once again, the host and her guest is tells us about three simple steps that will give us a happy and healthier life. This includes avoiding high fat and high sugar foods. It also includes just thirty minutes of exercise every day. Finally the most important thing is to get more sleep.

You have got to be fucking kidding me!

So you mean to tell me that between the sleepless nights we suffer with our infant, we have to find away to make all our meals at home (to avoid fast food) that then requires us to keep back the avalanche of dirty dishes that comes with eating at home every meal. If that isn't enough we also are expected to fit in thirty minutes of exercise. That requires getting up earlier than usual in order to exercise before the kids awake (or I leave for work) because once the kids are up and at it, it's all about their busy schedule. Finally, and MOST importantly, go to bed early to get more sleep. Screw me sideways! How is all of this possible? You either have to have super-speed or an army of servants to do all the dirty work in your home.

I give up! I'm going to McDonald's!

Sweet-Clean Programming

2007-10-30T10:00:00.000-06:00

With stinkers like Bionic Woman and Chuck laying big fat turds all over your TV set this fall, I thought it high time a few underrated shows get some positive pub. In no particular order I recommend all these beauties and they get my CyberD official stamp of approval.

My first recommendation on this list is Pushing Daisies. This smart and quirky program initially caught my eye with its bold visuals and bizarre premise. The main character, Ned is a Pie Maker. Ever since he was young Ned has had the creepy ability to make the dead live again. Unfortunately if he touches them again they die permanently. If this power wasn't twisted enough, if a person is revived for more than 60 seconds, someone else nearby dies. After a series of circuitous events in the first episode, Ned becomes partnered with a private investigator named Emerson Cod, and his childhood crush, the previously-dead Charlotte Charles. This crime fighting trio now goes about reviving the dead in order to solve their murders and collect outstanding cash rewards as a result. This funny yet twisted tale is a combination of a murder mystery, drama, and comedy all rolled into one. It's really a mys-dram-edy! And it's damn good. Check it out on Wednesday nights on ABC at 8/7c.

My second recommendation is a show called Hotel Babylon. This brash and sexy British drama is a gateway into the world of 5-star hotels. The stories center around Charlie, the new manager, and other dedicated staff as they attempt to cater to the outrageous demands of the guests of Hotel Babylon. Charlie also serves as the narrator, providing general themes for each episode such as the eccentricities of the rich and famous, the debauchery that hotel patrons partake in, or the ability for hotel staff to save or destroy the lives of their guests. Be careful, you may just find that Hotel Babylon becomes your guilty pleasure of this fall season. Check it out on Wednesday nights on BBC America at 9/8c.

Finally, my last recommendation is a show regularly mentioned on my blog and that's Dancing with the Stars. This celebrity-based-reality-tv-contest-show never ceases to amaze me. There have been five seasons of this series and I still get a kick out of watching every week. The current season is about half-way through its run, which means all the really poor celebrities have been kicked off, leaving nothing but the best of the best. Never fear, this is an equal opportunity skin fest with ample flesh on both sides of the isle. That means there is plenty to see for the whole family. The really good news is that almost every season includes a wardrobe malfunction and this hasn't happened yet so you haven't missed anything. Tune in on Monday nights on ABC at 8/7c.

News Report: One Happy Wizard

2007-10-22T08:59:00.000-05:00

You can imagine my surprise when I turned on the news this morning to find that JKR has officially announced that the character of Albus Dumbledore was gay. My first thought was wow! My next thought was, wondering if Dumbledore's music collection included the great works of Abba and George Micheal.

I'd make an argument about how the character didn't need that clarification by the author but it is her character... so more power to you, JK.

I need a hero!

2007-10-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, so you'll never guess what happened on Tuesday. I walk out of my office on the one year anniversary of my first day at this job and I notice a campus police officer taking a statement from a student who had her car window shattered. Apparently there were some break-ins in the parking lot that my office shares with student parking. Then I notice a strip of metal on the outside of my driver's side door had been pulled out. It was bent and sticking out at an odd angle. It looked as if the hoodlums attempted to break into my car as well.

Luckily they didn't gain entry so I guess I have that going for me, but my deductible on this type of thing is $250 so that sucks. The most shocking thing is that both my car and the student's car had this happen to them in the middle of the afternoon. And this is a very busy parking lot. Lots of students and staff are constantly walking through it to go from one end of campus to the other.

I have to say I kept a surprisingly level head about the whole thing. Maybe it's because I was just thankful to not be the girl with the shattered window. Maybe it's because I hadn't started drinking yet that day. Still, I have to say things like this make you wish for justice. Luckily I came home to find my son ready to spring in to action. After he learned what happened to my vehicle he and the family dog were ready to help. God love 'em.

365 days and counting...

2007-10-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

It was one year ago today that I started my new job at the University. It was a happy time because the old job and old boss was something out of your worst nightmare. The new job and new boss where really ideal and I was excited to begin a new phase in my career. Unfortunately experience has taught me that all good things usually come to an end and the warts begin to show within the first year. I am ecstatic to report that while the University is not perfect, the luster has not worn off of my work and my chain of command still proves to be as fantastic as ever. Of course this doesn't preclude something negative from ever happening... I'm just thrilled it hasn't happened already!

Happy 365 days to me!

New Quarterback - New Life

2007-10-15T08:37:00.000-05:00

So I guess it's no secret that The Q and I have been struggling with the whole fantasy football thing this year. In fact, it's been a real bitch. Our first round pick started off a bust and then suffered a multi-week injury. Our second round pick also started off a bust and only now has begun to show signs of life. Our third round pick started off okay but then suffered a multi-week injury. Our fourth round pick started off decently but has just now suffered a multi-week injury. Add onto that four players on our team suffering SEASON ENDING injuries and you can imagine we've been working the waiver wire pretty hard. I'll also throw in the fact that I failed to draft Randy Moss before Q punches me in the nuts by mentioning it for a twenty-fifth F-ing time!

BUT... last week we won and this week we won. In fact this week we won handsomely. Our new QB, replacing one of our QBs with one of those season ending injuries I mentioned, three for three touchdown passes and for more than 200 yards. We still haven't even seen our 1st string running back play this week and we've already sealed up the win by 10 points. Things are looking up! And with our brand spankin' new Arizona Defense, we are ready to rock. Go Cards!

Han Jabba

2007-10-08T16:00:00.000-05:00

So I mentioned the greatness of Sifl and Olly a few posts back. If you're not already fans of this genius programing than a presentation is long overdue. This little tribute to courting the ladies and to Star Wars is one of the all time classics.

Insecure - He Is Not

2007-10-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

We're potty training Lil' Magnum right now. He just turned three last month and he's doing a really great job. Actually, I'm pleasantly surprised by how well it's going. The first week was a real struggle because we basically went from diapers to underwear overnight so he had to adjust quickly. But now he's "going potty" on a regular basis and we haven't had an accident in the last ten days.

Of course being in school has helped as well. His teachers are great about helping the kids who are in the middle of potty training. Additionally, the children that are further along in the process are a great influence on those that lag behind. However, I must admit that there is one unexpected side-effect to his being in school with a bunch of other kids who are all in the throws of their own individual potty training.

A few days ago my wife and I took my son to the bathroom because he needed to go "pee-pee". We did the regular routine of lifting the seat and taking off his shorts and underwear. But then the strangest thing happened. He grabbed himself with both hands, aimed for the toilet, let fly, and yelled at the top of his lungs:

"KA-BOOM!"

This completely unnerved my wife but made me laugh out load. His entire future flashed before my eyes and I saw my son standing on a keg in the middle of a college party with a bra on his head yelling those same words before unleashing upon a throng of other students.

I was yanked back to reality by Mrs. Cyber asking me if I had taught him that word. My response was, "No, but I wish I had."

Happy Fun Review Time

2007-10-02T15:32:00.000-05:00

I tell you what, I sure do love me some blockbuster online. I got a free movie coupon this week and I skipped on over to the local store to check out what was available. I figured, what better time to rent a crappy B-movie than with a free coupon.

As I am a big fan of My Name is Earl, I happened to notice Jamie Pressly on the cover of DOA: Dead or Alive. Being marginally familiar with the video game I assumed there would be some delicious kung-fu action. Then I noticed it was directed by Corey Yuen who did The Transporter. And while The Transporter was a terrible film it had some of the best martial arts I had seen in a long time.

I snatched DOA off the shelf and didn't look back. Perhaps my expectations were very low but I actually really enjoyed it. The movie wasn't half bad, the acting was tolerable, and the fight scenes were REALLY kick-ass. In fact there was so much juicy, hot, kick-boxing, filled goodness, I went ahead and re-watched some of the highlights. My favorite bit being the knock-down drag-out battle between Cristie and Helena in the rain on the beach.

Bottom Line: I give this movie two thumbs, a middle and an index finger way up!

Here's a little taste of what I'm talking about...

Taking Care of Business - Part 5

2007-10-01T23:00:00.000-05:00

Do you remember listening to your grandfather tell you the stories about his work? Maybe he had just come home from the war and he was looking for a job, hoping someone would take a chance on an uneducated farm boy. Perhaps the local factory was hiring that summer and he was lucky enough to get a job and he only hoped he wouldn't let them down. Your grandpa may have given his blood, sweat, and tears for the "company," and ever since his retirement he has been living well off their pension plan and stock options. Perhaps your grandfather's story is a little different. Perhaps everything was "wine and roses" until one year before retirement. Maybe his golden parachute wasn't quite as gilded as the company told him it would be. I guarantee that our parent's story of company loyalty is even worse than our grandparents. I'm sure you can see where this is going? If you can't than you need to keep reading.

Today's installment on working for The Man is about the illusion of company loyalty and how at the end of the day the only person that is going to watch out for you...

...is you.

That's why I like to call this one:

- Looking Out For #1 -

I work in a business where I meet people from a wide array of different industries and business acumen. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about their company forcing them to retire early, causing them to miss out on thousands of dollars in benefits. I can't even remember the number of times I've heard about people being laid off because they have outgrown their usefulness. My own uncle was the victim of a layoff, in no small part due to the deadly combination of a bloated pay-check and obsolete knowledge in a technical industry.

There was a time in my life that I thought I might give more than a decade to one employer. I no longer believe that will happen. Thankfully I've never been fired, or laid off, or let go, but I can tell you that I've come damn close. Luckily that new offer came at just the right time and I made the switch on my own terms. And even if you are prepared for the worst, sometimes the market just doesn't give you the chance to leave before the boom falls. I consider myself lucky. But I also consider myself a realist.

Ultimately you have to watch out for your own skin. Everybody is replaceable and none of us are an exception to that rule. So here are a few tips to keep in mind as you navigate the shark infested waters of your career path.

1. Play hard ball when you negotiate salary in a job offer. You'll never get another chance to be better positioned to get what you want. That's money in your bank today and that's better than money in your bank tomorrow. Don't make me explain the time value of money to you.

2. When your old boss leaves, take the opportunity to influence the filling of her position. Nothing can turn a great job into a shitty job more completely than a tyrant supervisor.

3. Somebody in your organization is getting tired of you so attempt to reinvent yourself every few years. That could be taking a promotion, making a lateral move into a new area, identifying a company problem that you have a solution for, or even leaving the company for a new position someplace else.

4. Watch out for crazy people, especially if they are in charge. Nothing can wreck a career more than really fucked up managers - even if they are not in your department.

5. Always keep your resume up to date and never turn down an opportunity to interview somewhere even if you aren't looking for a new job. You never know what surprise might be in store for you.

6. If you are tired of working for The Man... become The Man. But be warned, everyone eventually rises to the highest level of their own incompetence.

Behind the Scenes

2007-09-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

In keeping with a format that good ol' Dagromm started a few months back, I thought I would share a little behind the scenes action between me and The Q.

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Date: Thursday September 20, 2007 11:35 AM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

Why the fuck will my comments not post on your blog? I've tried to comment like four times and none of them have registered!

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Date: Thursday September 20, 2007 11:38 AM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

Fixed it

You were marked as spam. I blame Gus Bladder again for that

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:03 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

I blame gus bladder for the price per barrel of gasoline being what it is today. Bastard!

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:11 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

Dude, just a heads up. Our Fantasy Football Team SUCKS!

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:13 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

What are you talking about? We've got it made... just a little tweak here and there and we've made it... by the way... your blog is blocking my comments still!

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:14 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

No, I just hate you

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:15 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

You better fix that shit or there's going to be hell to pay!

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:16 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

Smoke

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:17 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

Don't even think about it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:18 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

My

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:19 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

Don't you dare.

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:20 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

Pole

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:21 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

Damn it! Reeeeeeally subtle, Q-dog.

-----Original Message-----
From: Q
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 4:12 PM
To: CyberD
Subject: RE: comments

Dude that is what I am known for. Well that and the stalking. Well those two and that indecent exposure thing. Whatever

-----Original Message-----
From: CyberD
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2004 4:59 PM
To: Q
Subject: RE: comments

Good times, good times...

The First One Always Feels Good

2007-09-26T20:38:00.000-05:00

The Sports Donkey Lollipop Buffet got its first win of the season. The Q and I made an important change at quarterback and started Jake Delhomme over the hapless Drew Brees. What a douche! Now we just have to decide if we are going to cut the bastard. With a 1-2 record it's just a matter of clawing our way to the top!

Where in the World is Dagromm?

2007-09-21T08:00:00.001-05:00

Many of you have expressed genuine concern for the where abouts of one Dagromm Q. Flailbreath, otherwise known as Dags. There is much speculation going on over at The House of Dagromm as his usual string of postings has now completely ceased all together. As many of you know, The Crotch Wizards are a very tight group and we keep each other on speed-dial at all times. With Q in the hospital and Gyuss trapped inside the Big Monkey Comics back-room (doing God knows what), it was up to me to get down to the bottom of this.

With his busy new job, my first thought was that he had barricaded himself at his office so that's where I headed first. Much to my surprise I ran into Big Dirty pacing back and forth in the lobby. Apparently Big Dirty hadn't seen Dags in two weeks and Dirty had finally snapped. He did not greet me with his usual, "Hell yeah!" In fact he didn't greet me at all. He only continued his pacing back and forth, while ringing his hands together. After checking with reception I learned that he hadn't shown up to work in several days so I headed to his house.

When I got there the front door was ajar and his entire yard had been toilet papered. For a minute I thought perhaps his soccer team had played a practical joke on the old man but this theory quickly evaporated when I stepped inside to see none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He was in the middle of the living room emptying an entire box of laundry detergent onto the carpet while muttering the phrase, "Payback is a bitch!"

The Rock noticed me when I walked in and he tossed the box of detergent over the back of his head and into the dinning room. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Hey The Rock. I haven't seen you in months.

The Rock: Oh yeah... I've been busy making money and sleeping with hot women.

Me: Yeah, I know what you mean.

The Rock: So what are you doing here?

Me: I guess I could ask you that same question.

The Rock: Oh, I just came by to give Dagromm that twenty dollars I owe him, but it doesn't look like he is home.

Me: So what's with the detergent?

The Rock: What detergent?

Me: (Pointing silently at the mound of powder on the floor)

The Rock: That was there when I got here.

Me: Okay, well I guess I better get going, The Rock.

The Rock: By the way, CyberD. How is The Quad?

Me: Huh? Oh you mean The Crotch Wizards.

The Rock: Right, I was just checking to see if there were any openings.

Me: Sorry, not at the moment.

The Rock: Yeah, that's cool. I got a big photo shoot in Cancun tomorrow anyway so it's not like I could join you guys for your next poker night... even if you were needing a fourth person to replace someone who might be missing.

Me: Right... well, good luck with the photo-shoot.

I exited the front door and headed home. I suppose the world may never know what happened to good ol' Dagromm.

What is wrong with me?

2007-09-17T11:07:00.001-05:00

I'm often reminded of my child's innocent nature when he invariably throws down a phrase that makes my inner-junior-high-self chuckle. My son got some new toys for his 3rd birthday this weekend.

He has now reached the stage where he is no longer content to just bang a stick against a wall or roll balls across the floor. He is practicing pretend play so horses have to chase each other around the house and super heroes are always in the business of saving other toys from their troubles.

Yesterday his new Superman and Wonder Woman action figures were bravely swooping down onto the breakfast table and lifting a various assortment of wildlife animals onto their backs, saving them from a deadly fire!

In this particular case my son wanted to make it clear to me which animal belonged to each superhero. The following conversation ensued:

Lil' Magnum: We got to save the animals, Daddy!

Me: Okay, son. Which animals should we save first?

Lil' Magnum: This is Superman's Rhino, Daddy!

Me: Wow, Superman saved a rhinoceros. That's great!

Lil' Magnum: This is Wonder Woman's Beaver!

Me: (Very long pause attempting to hold back my hysteria) That's... great... son. I'm glad Wonder Woman saved her beaver.

I'm a terrible father.

A Chance Encounter with The Dick

2007-09-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

I was in the campus bookstore with about eight coworkers when I noticed a famous former NFL star browsing the sweatshirts. Now you have to understand, I'm not one of those lucky types that always has a funny story about this famous person I saw at the airport or that famous person I bumped into at the coffee shop. I worked in LA for THREE MONTHS and never even saw a single famous person!

So you can imagine my giddy surprise of seeing another former NFL player after having met Roger Staubach a little over one year ago! This time it was none other than Eric Dickerson. What was so funny was that the four men in my group of coworkers were like moths to a flame. We drifted over in his direction almost immediately while the four ladies in the room were still focusing on the best cut of t-shirt and if the store had it in pink or baby-blue.

Us boys were later chided for paying homage to one of football's greats. I simply replied that my shameless pandering was not for me but for the bragging rights amongst my social circles... of which this blog is one!

So yeah, the encounter itself was awesome. I even managed to make him laugh by suggesting that he needed to put on a uniform and play for his former college team.

Good times... good times.

A Battle Royale with Cheese

2007-09-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

And now for the cous de gras. Back in the spring of 2006 I started my blog off with a BANG! A few personal anecdotes here, a Doctor Who review there. Following that I presented the worlds greatest showdown. I geek-love-fest to end all geek-love-fests.

I present to you the Battle Royale!

11 posts, 64 contestants, 63 battles, and thousands of adrenaline pumping moments of juicy combat. I encourage you to start from the bottom and work your way up. So as not to be spoiled! I think quite possibly none more need be said on the subject of how truly geeky I am!

I mean Business Plan!

2007-09-06T09:23:00.000-05:00

The year was 2003. The season was Fall. The class was a capstone course for my MBA called Entrepreneurial Strategy. We spent an entire semester creating a full blown business plan. And I don't mean that undergraduate bull-shit that passes for a business plan but is really just a glorified book report. I'm talking about identifying a new business concept, conducting research on the budgetary constraints and market forces surrounding that concept, developing a full blown Cash Flow Statement, Income Statement, and Balance Sheet on a five year projection for the proposed business, creating a marketing plan and sample materials for the business, calculating the potential financial yield for investors and then presenting our plan to a group of our peers and a panel of guest business professors.

This class was the Super Bowl of my MBA experience. It required countless hours of research and preparation, it caused knockd-down arguments between my project partner and me, and it required the courage of Hercules to know that your complete work would be on display to the entire MBA community. But it was by far and away... head and shoulders... unequivocally... the best experience in the program for me. I had the time of my life because we chose to do devise a business around the Collectible Card Game (CCG) industry.

The CCG industry is built on the backs of the millions of rabid sci-fi/fantasy geeks who knock down doors to purchase the latest incarnation of their favorite sci-fi/fantasy genres in game form, so that they can broaden and deepen their personal experience with said franchises. While other MBA hopefuls were presenting business plans about RFID technology, international banking, and venture capital markets, I was talking about a card game. Original content meets personal passion, my friends!

Why Who?

2007-09-05T10:40:00.001-05:00

Many of you know that I am a shameful lover of all things Doctor Who. Up until Farscape it was my unequivocal favorite television show of all time, and that's before the new Who series came out. Most in geekdom place the likes of Star Wars, Star Trek, and other American programs in their top favorite shows but so do many "averge joes." However the mainstream viewing audience wouldn't know a sonic screwdriver even if it jumped up and bit them in the ass.

So what is Doctor Who, you ask? And why does CyberD, the bastion of good taste, speak so highly of it? To the uninitiated, Doctor Who is a British sci-fi series, originally produced and screened by the BBC from 1963 to 1989 with a new series launched in early 2005. It is about a wandering traveler of time and space who stumbles across injustice and wrong doing across the universe, and comes to the rescue of those subjugated by evil.

The longevity of this program and the lengths to which passionate fans have successfully returned the series to a modern format is unprecedented. The reason the show is able to reinvent itself so readily is the due to the main characters unique ability to regenerate his body, thereby recasting the lead actor. This bohemian vagabond is a unique intergalactic hero who defeats a vast cornucopia of villainous enemies with a superior intellect rather than a super firearm.

I am proud to say that Doctor Who has been a viewing staple for me since I was just a young cyber-lad. My avatar and blog are a homage to the series. I've burned up miles of VCR tape recording old episodes for my personal library. I even attended a Doctor Who convention when I was in junior high! Wow, I've never admitted that to anyone!

That actually felt kind of good! I feel so... alive! So full of... splendor! I feel like the first ray of sun as it kisses the cool morning dew with its soft warm radiance!

Please excuse me while I strip off all my clothes and run naked through a field of wheat!

It is well and truly ON!

2007-09-04T15:42:00.002-05:00

It should be known that nobody questions the geek-cred of CyberD at The Wheel. One can scurry off to a dark stinky cave and pretend to know the difference between a Tavloid and a Tavlek, but here at The Wheel we know the score!

When it comes to debating the merits of Star Wars vs. Star Trek, the plot fallacy of a time paradox, or the life-long acting contribution of Warwick Davis, I am here to say that I can pop, drop, and lock it with the best of them!

If the realm of science fiction and fantasy entertainment was a runway than I am a coked up, anorexic, slightly bi-curious supermodel ready to strut her stuff!

Armor Plated Goodness

2007-09-04T08:29:00.000-05:00

It's strange you know? I don't play HALO. Hell, I don't even own the gaming system required to play HALO and yet I feel that I desperately need one of these. If not for Halloween this year, than for playing paintball, and if not for playing paintball, perhaps for the bedroom!

Maybe it is my Y chromosome kicking into overdrive! That or my geek chromosome... or both!

Throw-Back Fun Times!

2007-08-29T08:12:00.000-05:00

So I just finished watching Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny. I put it off for several months because Q told me it sucked. I hated to hear that because I introduced the marvelous lyrical musings of JB and KG to The Quad a few years ago. The first album will always rock in infamy for us. It will be forever hard to dethrone that monster record. But I have to say The Pick of Destiny really wasn't terrible. And a couple of the new songs are pretty damn good. But here is a little golden nugget of knowledge for those that are open to enlightenment. The director is a man named Liam Lynch who also happens to be the genius behind the one-off hit: My United States of Whatever as well as a very brief but extremely genius TV show.

Back in the fall of 1998, when Dagromm and I were still living in the same small Texas town, we started getting together for a morning jog. You might call it the slim-down challenge that sparked a national trend. Around that same time we had both begun watching a new late-night comedy called Sifl & Olly. The wacky off-beat humor, performed masterfully by a cornucopia of creative and crazy sock puppet characters had us both laughing our asses off all threw our morning jog the next day. It was good times back then but unfortunately stupid-ass TV executives couldn't see genius even if it jumped up and bit them in the wrinkle stick! The show was canceled. Long live Sifl & Olly!

God bless the U.S.A.

2007-08-28T08:17:00.000-05:00

Miss Teen South Carolina proves that beauty pageants are about more than just beauty!

Taking Care of Business - Part 4

2007-08-24T13:14:00.000-05:00

I'm here to tell you that there is a super-duper-secret way to making good money and doing absolutely nothing. Actually there are three. So read them all and feel free to pick which one you like best.

1. Be born into old family money. Oh, too late for that?
2. Win the lottery. Oh, not lucky enough for that?
3. Start your own pyramid scheme. Oh, don't want to be vilified by all of humanity?

Then I suppose you'll have to join the rest of us and do a little bit of work. Unfortunately this multi-part series is about maximizing your money and minimizing your work... not eliminating work all together. If that were possible I wouldn't be blogging from my office. I'd be blogging from the Bahamas.

So in the spirit of "nutting up" and accomplishing something Part 4 is called:

- It's not just wallpaper... It's also a meal ticket -

It doesn't really matter what you want to do with your life. I recommend getting a degree, be it high-school, college, or anything in between. Most people don't use their degree but it isn't about how useful American History will be to you when you are driving a cab, or how important College Calculus is when you are the manager of a hotel. It's about maximizing choices. If you want to work less and get paid more you want to be able to have as many choices as possible and for every degree you achieve the more choices (or options) will be at your disposal. The choices could be anything.

Perhaps you want to become a manager. Maybe you want to change careers. Unlike me you may actually want to be something specific when you grow up. A degree is the first step to having these options at your disposal. In this day and age a college degree can feel like a must and in many professional fields it is. Hell, you still don't have to know what you want to do when you grow up. I can't tell you the disparity in college degree disciplines amongst my co-workers and we all do the EXACT same job.

Equally important is the asinine perception that the more degrees you have, the more you are worth... and therefore are compensated accordingly. Of course this is relative to the field in which you work but, by in large, the people with paper on the wall have more paper in their bank account.

Of course it isn't all about money. A degree can give you credibility and some breathing room in your work. Say you slack off a little and only do a half-arsed job on a particular project. Perception is 9/10 of reality and you're going to be given some latitude because the boss is going to assume you know what you are doing. Why? The degree is the preconceived evidence that you know what you're doing.

Finally there is the beauty (or curse) of the EXEMPT job. What am I talking about? I'm talking about being salaried. This little perk doesn't have a clock-in and clock-out time. This is why all the dress-shirt types come in late, take long lunches, and leave early for the golf course? They aren't being paid for the number of hours they put in so why put any more than you have to. Of course the double edge on this sword is that when the job must get done, you have to stay late without compensation. Or you could be like The Q and be a salaried employee with overtime. But that's like the Holy Grail of jobs and those don't come along very often.

So that's it for Part 4. It isn't always fun and games and Lord knows I worked my tail off for my education, but I do feel very strongly that while I don't always USE my education in my work it IS the reason why I am able to do what I am doing today... and some days not doing!

Football time in the city!

2007-08-21T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well the 4th annual MOBFL draft is over and I must say that the Sports Donkey Lollipop Buffet has once again crafted a team worthy of pig skin glory! I'm proud to say that the Q and I still reign supreme on draft day. Unfortunately The Tasty Q couldn't make it to the MOBFL draft this year. When I asked him why, he refused to give me a straight answer and only muttered something about an archeologist and a billionaire. Anyway, here is the round by round results of the hard work put forth by our team hence forth referred to as the SDLB.

Round 1 - This was a no brainer. We had the second pick in the draft and while we toyed with the idea of trading up for the number one pick, we decided to not sacrifice anything that wasn't necessary. As part owner and Q's proxy, I drafted Steven Jackson, Running Back extraordinaire. He will put up some monster numbers and with points per reception now being added to the scoring system, we have the secret weapon that others will envy.

Round 2 - Twenty picks had gone by and all of the stud Running Backs were gone. The top flight Quarterback was taken early in Round 1 and the run on QBs had begun. But the choice wasn't easy. After this next pick, a single owner would have the benefit of picking twice before I could pick again in Round 3. Should I draft the next best QB on the board or should I grab the best RB still available? I decided that value at RB was beginning to get murky but there was still a clear choice on the best QB available. I drafted Drew Brees feeling that he was next in line to those that went before him, such as Palmer, Manning, and Brady.

Round 3 - My choice was the correct one as the before mentioned owner drafted the touchdown machine: Marion Barber as well as Donovan McNabb. Barber's a nice pick but others can perform equally. On the other hand, the QB tier drops after Brees and McNabb is no Brees. I feel that had I waited on Brees he would not have been there. Now I look for the best clear RB starter available and it is Brandon Jacobs of the NYG.

Round 4 - Copious amounts of top flight wide outs go in this round and I am not surprised that few are left. There is still one undeniable stud and I take Javon Walker and pray that his QB doesn't meltdown.

Round 5 - Running Backs are looking terrible now so I draft another unequivocal starter and am thankful that what may be left are all teams that run RB's by committee. I take Caddilac and don't look back.

Round 6 - With only one wide out on my team it's clear where I need to go next and due to my dedication in picking quality RBs I'm getting nervous. Time to look for a #1 WR on a winning team. Darrell Jackson was already taken but he's now in San Fran. His Seattle replacement is available and I take Deion Branch.

Round 7 - We had some piss poor running last year and I'm determined to pull out all the stops. With some really great RB's secured I feel it is still not enough. I see one unequivocal starter still available and while he plays for the crappy Oakland Raiders, he's showed brilliance in the past. I draft LaMont Jordan and hope for a little "return to glory" action.

Round 8 - I can't believe a kicker hasn't been drafted yet. Most people discount their value but someone always beats me to the best one. Not this year. I break the kicker seal and draft Adam Vinatieri.

Round 9 - With my RB core filled out and a good stable of WR locked up I return my attention to QB. Brees is a young stud who should play well but a sold back-up is always good. Better yet, how about another super-power young QB. I draft Jake Delhomme and am surprised he is still available.

Round 10 - I'm making a run on WR's now and I see another go-to guy in Jacksonville. I draft Matt Jones

Round 11 - Things are still looking bleak in Wide Receiver territory and the RB situation is even worse. So I snag a possible emerging star and tandem wide out to my Drew Brees in Devery Henderson, the #2 WR in New Orleans.

Round 12 - I look back and I am pleased with my work. The last time I felt such calm and lack of hurriedness was when I took my team to the fantasy Superbowl. Could this year see more of the same? With a back-up kicker like Olindo Mare, I can't imagine any other outcome.

Round 13 - I never draft a defense this early but things feel pretty good amongst my other positions and a solid Defense is still available. I draft the Jags.

Round 14 - With arguably one of the best RB cores in this draft, I have flexibility to take a risk. I draft A. Peterson from Chicago as a back-up RB with a chance at greatness.

Round 15 - Is usually garbage time. But there is actually still a go-to WR for his team available. Granted, it's the Raiders (and I never thought I would draft two Raiders) but he's a number one and I'm not sacrificing much value taking him as my last pick. Welcome to the SDLB, Jerry Porter.

That's it. You read it here first. Now only fortune and glory remain to be achieved!

P.S. I don't want to hear shit about the spelling of names. I don't give a hairy rats ass.

Stepping up to the plate

2007-08-15T08:37:00.000-05:00

I took my eldest to the water park this weekend. He still hasn't learned to swim yet but we are working on it. He loves the water, so after getting tired of the kiddie pool I (like the great dad that I am) carry my son on my hip through the deep water, down the "lazy river", over to the giant floating buoy, and generally all over the damn place. There are countless kids at a similar skill level being carted around by a parent. Occasionally you see a child with a parent that decided a life-jacket is a sufficient parenting tool, allowing them to sit in the shade near the cabana.

I used to be a lifeguard in high school so I can speak from experience when I say that it is shocking how little care some parents show for their children when they know the child is unable to swim. I also know how hard it is to keep a vigilant eye on all the craziness that goes on in the water when you are one of only a handful of guards on duty.

It was a blistering hot Sunday afternoon, which means you find many more parents keeping to the shade and trusting their children with more responsibility then they can usually handle. I had just exited the "lazy river" with my son in tow. I noticed that there was a verbal altercation between some young boys in the deep water. The lifeguard was distracted by this scene and that's when you can get yourself into trouble. Just as I was being reminded of the good old days at the city pool I notice a small boy (no older than my own son) drift between two crowds of kids. He had a life-jacket on but it was too loose and his head was bobbing in and out of the water. He was screaming but he couldn't make any sound because of all the water he was swallowing.

I was a few feet away and it was clear that nobody noticed what was going on. In retrospect, I probably should have called the attention of the guard on duty but instincts kicked in the likes of which I hadn't felt in years. I took two large strides and reached out, snatching the boy up in my arms, and pulling his body out of the water. Luckily he was still very lucid and he was more thankful for the rescue than afraid of being grabbed by a stranger. With my son in one arm and the young boy in the other, I asked him where his parents were and he pointed in the direction of the kiddie pool area. A few seconds later we found his grandmother. I doubt she even realized how much danger her child was in. The boy was surprisingly grateful for his age... probably a testament to how terrified he was at the time.

I'm very proud of my son too, because he took it all in stride and actually said "Yeah, Daddy!" when it was all over.

I must admit though, that above all other things I did manage to get one mystery answered. You see, I quit life guarding before Baywatch hit cable. I always wondered if (following that show) lifeguards would hear that theme song playing in their heads as they save lives. You know what? We do!

I think I'm in love!

2007-08-09T21:27:00.000-05:00

We met on my last trip to SoTex. The first thing I noticed was her soft and sexy voice, but that is just the beginning. She's really great. She expresses genuine concern for my well-being and always encourages me to buckle-up when I'm behind the wheel. She's great with directions and when we go out I can always count on her picking a really good restaurant! What's really nice is she doesn't ask me tedious questions about how my work day went or anything like that. Okay, she can be a little cold at times and she doesn't like to talk about anything other than food, hotels, and shopping centers so it looks like she may be a little materialistic, but I think it's a small price to pay for the perfect partner!

The thing is, I don't think I can keep this relationship from my family. In fact I'm so enthralled I think I'm going to introduce her to the wife and kids when we go to California for the Thanksgiving holiday. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself but I'll let you be the judge. Here is a picture. What do you think?

Global Positioning System

Dream a Little Dream

2007-08-06T08:20:00.000-05:00

I awoke this morning foggy headed and disoriented, not because of the fifth of Jack I drank last night while watching re-runs of Hawaii Five-O, but of the bizarre dream I had after falling asleep.

The dream started with an all too familiar opening sequence: Two members of The Crotch Wizards fighting over who gets shot-gun. In this case Dagromm was driving and The Q and I were arguing over who called it first. Gyuss was content with chuckling over the argument and chiming in a few inflammatory remarks here and there. The first thing that tipped me off that I was dreaming was that Dags wasn't driving his 1986 Ford Escort but a tricked out Cadillac Escalade.

We eventually headed for a black-tie dinner celebrating excellence in video game play. Apparently Q was being recognized for a lifetime achievement award. The funny thing was that none of us were wearing tuxedos. As might be expected, I was the best dressed in a burgundy coat with brown corduroy pants and paisley tie. Dags was wearing a Fila jersey, Gyuss was wearing a pair of mechanic's overalls, and the man of the hour was dressed like Thelma from Scooby Do.

Shortly after entering the main dinning hall for dinner, I found myself being "chatted up" by none other than Maureen McCormick, formerly Marsha from the Brady Bunch. It was obvious that she was diggin' what I was bringgin' so I played along for a little while. Eventually I had to cast her aside because nature called.

After draining the lizard I returned to the dinning room to find that two of my closest high school friends had purchased a table at the event. We visited for some time and I planned to ditch the rest of The Quad but my two old friends were about to leave the party and go to the gym. They told me they had a pretty serious work-out regime and today was the day they were to exercise their glutes.

Feeling a little uncomfortable, I ditched them and looked around to see if Q had received his award yet. Much to my surprise the night had wained and the event was already over. I began to worry that The Crotch Team left without me. They can be a jealous lot and I was afraid they may of spotted me with either Maureen or my old high school friends. I exited the dinning hall and found myself in Time Square. There was some news coverage that Dags, G, and Q had finally been arrested for crimes against humanity and I was watching it all unfold on screen. The funny thing is I worried more about finding a way home than what was to happen to my dear friends behind bars when they met their bunk mates.

Luckily my father showed up and offered me a ride home. He said that my mother had been worried sick about me because it was getting late I hadn't called home. We then decided to stop by the old creek, near my childhood home, to catch a few rainbow trout before heading back for ice cream.

Weird huh?

George Lucas, eat your heart out!

2007-08-01T10:41:00.001-05:00

When Mrs. Cyber and I had our second child I was commenting to a friend at how similar Lil' Higgins looked as a newborn to Lil' Magnum as a newborn. My friend said that they had a like experience with their two boys but that their second son started to have his own distinct look at about three months old.

Lil Higgins turned five months yesterday and I happened to notice that he still looks shockingly similar to Lil' Magnum's five month old pictures. See attached evidence. I'm beginning to think that my wife and I have the unique ability to simply make clone babies!

Lil' Magnum

Lil' Higgins

Talent or Doo-Doo Pants?

2007-07-31T11:42:00.001-05:00

I was talking to Gyuss on the phone the other day and we were commenting on the greatness of the movie Fandango. You can go to The Cave of Gyuss to see a few clips from this masterpiece. On a related note we were speculating if Kevin Costner had even five movies to his credit that would fall into the category of greatness. Even more specifically does he have even one good movie to his credit where he is the singular hero (and not simply a single piece of a larger ensemble cast).

So I now submit to you facts:

The top 5 Costner movies that are considered good but Costner's still crap

5. Tin Cup - There are a few guys that like this movie because they think it's about golf. They could not be more wrong. What it's really about is Kevin's terrible hair-piece and how many times he can say "golly-shucks" with his eyes to Rene Russo.

4. Waterworld - Arguably the only sci-fi credit to his name. This had lots of action, explosions, and Denis Hopper. Well... two out of three ain't bad I suppose, but this dud's worldwide gross barely covered production costs.

3. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - Two words: Accent Coach! Could the man not even try to have an English accent? By this time Costner was in his prime and really mailing it in. What a douche! The only reason this movie has any legs at all is because of the greatness of Alan Rickman.

2. The Bodyguard - Talk about a meteoric rise of one of the greatest singers in pop-music history. At the height of Whitney's popularity this movie burst onto the scene grossing more than $400 million world wide. I think we can all agree that Witney is the first, last, and only reason this movie is half-way good.

1. Dances with Wolves - Winner of 7 Oscars, one being best picture. Costner plays the single solitary lead about an epic tale of write and wrong in the American west. What is there not to love? How about that glaring error in the film when three birds flying over head are identified as geese when in reality there were cranes? What a continuity disaster!

The REAL top 5 Costner movies

5. Bull Durham - Perhaps one of the best baseball movies ever made. While Coster's role is arguably the lead, he still plays more of an ensemble character to the larger story. Great film but not just because of him.

4. The Untouchables - Perhaps one of the best mafia/cop movies ever made. Coster's role is sound but again, he's just one piece of an ensemble cast that includes Sean freakin' Connery.

3. Silverado - Perhaps one of the best cowboy movies ever made. Coster's role is great but he plays the smallest part of a very formidable ensemble cast.

2. Fandango - Perhaps one of the best college buddy movies ever made. Coster's role is one of the best in his career but still only an ensemble role.

1. Field of Dreams - Perhaps THE best baseball movie ever made. And Coster stands alone as the show's focal point and hero. Way to go, Kev!

There you have it, folks. If the measure of greatness is a single piece of work than Coster is up there with the greats, plus he has a few decent films where he plays a critical ensemble role. But time would indicate that this actor does not get better with age... in fact he may be spoiling over time.

Cyber D's Bottom Line: Costner is a Doo-Doo Pants actor.

Motivation... or lack there of.

2007-07-30T13:28:00.001-05:00

I've got plenty to do but I don't want to do any of it. Nothing is urgent so I'm not hard pressed to put my "nose to the grindstone," as it where...

Damn, I've got to shake the funk and get busy!

The Mind of Man - Part 2

2007-07-27T10:55:00.000-05:00

This is an excerpt of an email my old college friend, Braveheart sent to me yesterday. Braveheart and I have known each other for more than a decade and while we only talk three or four times a year it is amazing that we have almost identical taste in television and perhaps viewpoints on the meaning of life.

"...A few years ago I'd been on call for 3 or 4 days. I ended up working like 100 hours that 7 days prior or something crazy. Hadn't been home in 3 days. I finally came home, nothing to do for the next 2 days straight, and my wife was out of town for the weekend. So I sit down on my couch, wiped out, I turn on the TiVo, and there before me (because I hadn't watched TV in 10 days or so) sat recorded new episodes that I hadn't seen of the Sopranos, Carnivale, Deadwood, South Park, maybe a Venture Brothers, the Simpsons, a BSG, a Firefly that I missed the first time around, and the Family Guy. Plus there was even a second tier of stuff, like some History Channel's greatest disasters, Mythbusters maybe, or some other stuff.

I turn off the TV without starting any of them, go upstairs and sleep for 12 or so hours straight. Wake up around 3PM. Go out and buy a 6 pack of Guinness, a big ass bucket of KFC, and Ben+Jerry's. Came home, sat on the couch, with the above mentioned items, a trash can, and a roll of paper towels. Turned on the TV and . . . . People always say that your wedding is the best day of your life until your kids are born, and then that day is the best day of your life. I love my wife, and I'm sure I'll love any kids I have, but honestly? When I lay alone at night, between me and my maker, those next hours were . . . Yeah."

The best day of a man's life... Indeed.

My cyber-thoughts go out to the Japanese.

2007-07-24T09:24:00.000-05:00

You can imagene these turn of events come as particularly devesating news to all Cybermen everywhere.

Earthquake Article

Harry Potter Secrets Revealed!

2007-07-23T08:41:00.000-05:00

I'm no Dagromm, but I am a Potter fan. I started late and read the books fairly quickly to play catch up because Dags was gracious enough to let me borrow his copies. Since I've caught up I haven't had the luxury or reading them ASAP.

When the Order of the Phoenix was coming out my mother (also a Potter fan) asked me if I was excited about the next release. I told her yes, but that I probably wouldn't read it for a couple of months. Shocked she asked why. Because my friend can't let me borrow it right away. He must read it and then his son wants to read it. As a surprise my mother purchased me a copy from Amazon and has continued to do so with every subsequent purchase, although since she and I haven't discussed the Deathly Hallows in any way shape or form I just assumed that the gesture would not be repeated by simple virtue of the fact that it wouldn't occur to her.

In typical mom fashion, she doesn't forget her past generosity and I find a copy of the latest release in my mailbox on Saturday. I have only had time to read the first few pages but I'm here to tell you that I had no idea that the Death Eaters would meet at the Malfoy estate. I can't wait to see what other surprises await!

Gone and done it again

2007-07-19T15:03:00.001-05:00

I have had a nasty habit of following TV shows that are really damn good only to result in their cancellation like Farscape, Angel, and Arrested Development just to name a few. Since I've joined Blockbuster Online, my latest trend is to pick up a show that has been out for some time, only to discover that they have ALREADY been canceled, or are in the final death throws of a cancellation. The two most recent being Firefly and Rome.

Well I've gone and done it again! For reasons to complicated to name here, I decided to try out this critically acclaimed series on HBO called Deadwood. The only thing I had heard about it was that it had a great deal of cursing. But I also heard it was pretty damn good. Both turned out to be true... in spades!

What a great show. I've only seen the first four episodes but I am hooked like a heroine junky with a trust fund! I love it so much that I went online today to see when Season 4 might be released on DVD, as I had already noticed the first three seasons were available. Of course the untimely cancellation of Rome should have been my first hint that I shouldn't take such things for granted. It is just now that I learned the show was canceled approximately one year ago.

In the immortal words of Al Swearengen.... "Fucking cocksuckers!" Once again, television executives disappoint me.

Cybermen Rock

2007-07-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

Need I say more?

Your welcome.

Weekend Jams

2007-07-16T08:53:00.000-05:00

I have to say that a day at home with the boys is getting more and more fun all the time. Mrs. Cyber had to make some deliveries so it was just me and the cast of Magnum P.I. for the first half of our weekend. While mommy is full of educational learning and organized play, I'm all about random chaos! Consequently the house was a complete wreck but you can better believe that you never saw a more fun filled journey that included dinosaurs, Hot Wheels, water guns, and tonka trucks in your entire life!

Later on the family went to our local water park. This would be my oldest son's first time and we had a blast! He ran around the kiddie pool until he was bored out of his mind. Then we hit the spray tower and shot a few teenagers with water rifles. After that we floated around the main pool on a giant raft. To end the day we hit the lazy river that wasn't very lazy. There were points along the way that bottle-necked and made for a very fast moving stream. My son decided that I was a leather-back sea turtle and he was on a Diego adventure! Needless to say we did that about twenty times.

Mrs. Cyber and I ended the weekend with ice cream and a DVD after the kids were in bed. It was nice to have some quiet time with my lady, but we sacrificed sleep and a clean house to do it. All in all I give the weekend two thumbs up!

Taking Care of Business - Part 3

2007-07-12T09:44:00.001-05:00

I hate sitting in meetings. What I hate most are meetings that have no purpose. Meetings that exist just so those attending and running the meetings can feel important.

I've got an interesting situation at my office where a co-worker feels compelled to create work around an issue that really is none of her concern. Our supervisor has told us that this issue is being taken care of by another department and that we should focus on our jobs and expect some results on this issue soon. Nevertheless, my co-worker wants results NOW and is dead set on getting everyone involved in our department (accept our supervisor). So she scheduled a meeting. It's never more obvious that this is a pointless meeting. While my presence was not mandatory, it was requested.

Sometimes your pointless meetings ARE mandatory. In today's installment I'm going to talk about a tried and true way you can avoid attending those meetings that amount to nothing. I like to call this:

- The Conflict Solution -

The first order of business is to make sure you are not expected to present, run, or otherwise contribute in any way to the subject matter of the meeting. If this is the case than proceed with the plan, if not, you're screwed... go to the meeting.

Assuming you know you're going to be an innocent bystander to this office "circle-jerk" you can now begin with your plan. Go check your calendar. Let's say you have another meeting (one of consequence), or a series of meetings later in the week. If there is any opportunity to provide input as to the date and time of the pointless meeting, chime in. Suggest to the organizer that your Thursday is wide open. Then when Thursday arrives you can bail for the more important meeting.

Other examples of conflicting schedules include a meeting with your boss or any other boss up the corporate ladder. Call up the Associate Vice-President and see if you can schedule some time. Nobody will fault you for skipping out of a minuscule little staff meeting when the AVP is expecting you!

Finally there is the silver bullet of "get out of jail free" cards - The client meeting/phone-call. If you feel that you would rather jump off a tall building than attend this dumb-ass meeting, then simply bail. Tell them you had to take an important client phone-call. Better yet, leave the office for an hour and go see a client on-site. The bottom line is you don't have to subject yourself to every excruciating little pow-wow that comes up when you know that it will never amount to anything. Your time and sanity is worth far too much. There it is another easy yet fun way of working around stupid people in your office. Much love to you all!

It's all in the strategy

2007-07-09T09:40:00.000-05:00

Last week in Finland the annual Wife Carrying World Championship was held. The winning couple received the wife's weight in beer and five times her weight in cash. So what would your strategy be? Would you slim down for the race to increase your chances at victory or would you "swing for the fences" and bulk up in the hopes of taking home that many more pounds in cold hard lovingly beautiful cash... and beer?

clip of the event in action