Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Like Father... not so much like son.

Found this funny nugget on the inter-webs back in 1999. Back in those days, you saved funny emails by printing them out. I can't take credit, but thought I would re-post for posterity sake.


A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.

A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.

Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old.

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control Ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault-

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never game me what I wanted for my birthday. Boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith. Wahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up.

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi Knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here, baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine.

Luke moves to step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader watches as Luke falls.

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

Nothing says "Christmas" like Nefarious Monkeys!

Going through some old files and found some funny correspondence between friends. Here is a great Christmas card from my old friend, Braveheart. My friend now practices psychiatric medicine in Austin, TX. You can see the beginnings of his twisted mind back when we were just college kids.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cyber D

If I had but one wish this holiday season, it would be for an unholy army of robot monkeys to do my nefarious bidding. If I had but two wishes, I'd either go for more monkeys or more wishes. But if I got more wishes, a wish for you two to have a wonderful holiday season together with each other and those you love would be right on up there with some D-Line help for the Cowboys.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Punctuation is Everything

I can speak from personal experience, as I finalize my first novel. I am about to self-publish digitally on Amazon, and I have been painstakingly going back over and over to fix punctuation and spelling. Take - for example - this impassioned plea to ask the baby seals of the world to stop clubbing... or er... did they mean something else?

Friday, February 03, 2012

The Few - The Proud - The Furry!

Hello, Blog-Country. It's been too long since our last visit. I promise to try harder in the future. Life and work have just conspired against our desire to be together! Oh well... at least we can enjoy the occasional blog-post.

This one is certainly worth dropping everything and sharing. As a father of two little boys who still enjoy sleeping with their favorite stuffed animal, this touched me, as both a parent, and an avid sci-fantasy aficionado. Perhaps my son's favorite stuffed pet, Buster, bravely guards his bed every night from the rabid beasts that lurk in the dark shadows.

Regardless of what really goes on while we blissfully slumber, it is this peace of mind that all children should have when they sleep soundly in their beds. If Buster provides that for my son, he most assuredly deserves knighthood for protecting my family!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Fantasy Football is here again!

It's an end of an era. I've been my fantasy football league's commissioner for the last 7 years. I've hung up my big boy pants and have folded my league. But some friends are starting up a new league and I'm going to just be your average Joe team owner. In fact I'm going to do two different leagues. Both are on ESPN.com. In one league my team is going to be the Sidekicks. In the other I plan to dust off my old team name... The Mystery Machine. The website needs to grab photos from an Internet site so here are the pics I think I am going to use for now. I'll probably change it up for fun.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Elisabeth Sladen dead at age 63

Elisabeth Sladen died on April 19th, 2011. She was 63 years old and was taken from us far too soon. The British actress was best known for her role as Sarah Jane Smith in Doctor Who. She played Sarah Jane on a recurring basis during the Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker years of the show during the 1970's. She reprised her role several times over the course of the 80's and then again with the new series of Doctor Who opposite David Tennant.

Sarah Jane Smith is one of my all time favorite companions from the series. This is not unusual and you will see many posts on-line from other fans who feel the same way. Elisabeth Sladen made iconic the role of Who companion and many who think of the Doctor Who will always think of Tom Baker and Elisabeth Sladen.

From what little I have been able to learn over the Internet it sounds like she suffered a long battle with cancer that she kept very secret. I do not know what "long" means. Up until her death she was filming new episodes of her Doctor Who spin-off show - The Sarah Jane Adventures. She was (without question) battling cancer during this time period. But was she battling it longer than that? The world may never know. It is obvious that her condition was something very private to her and perhaps even in death she would not want her private medical history to be spread across the news.

Having said that there are millions of people who now morn her parting and as one of those fans I hope to learn more. We all grieve in different ways and some of us like to have a better understanding of what happened. How did she live her life in those final days? I think there is no question she lived it courageously until the very end.

The irony of her death is that I was just having a discussion the other day about why some people take the death of a celebrity so hard - such as Princess Diana or Micheal Jackson. I said that those people never truly knew that celebrity and while it was news it was certainly nothing to get too emotionally involved over. I must now eat my own words because I am taking the death of Sarah Jane very hard.

Sarah Jane Smith, you will be missed!

Friday, April 08, 2011

Baseball - How I never truly knew thee!

I haven't been a fan of baseball. For years I've considered it to be the most boring of sports. I've never enjoyed watching it on TV and it isn't much more appealing live. In the spirit of full disclosure I have to say that I only ever played baseball one season as a child. It was fast pitch elementary school ball and I was incredibly intimidated by the whole process. I hated batting and I think my lack of batting prowess lead my coach to an unfair assumption about my fielding ability. As a result I was relegated to the outfield. This experience did nothing to build a good foundation of appreciation for baseball.

But I think I am coming around on it as a sport. This weekend I am taking my boys to the local college game that is being played and I'm actually pretty excited. In fact it is my children that are helping to create that paradigm shift. My boys are playing T-Ball for the first time this season. As I sit on the sideline and watch the coaches teach my boys about the infield and outfield positions I can't help but realize how important teamwork is to baseball. It is perhaps more important than any other sport. It is true that teamwork is required in basketball, football, hockey, and so many others. But in these sports you often hear of ball-hogs or primadonas. You don't hear of that as much in baseball. I'm beginning to see why - first hand.

When a 5 year old leaves second base to go muscle in on the 3rd baseman's position he leaves 2nd base unattended. When he does that there is a huge gap in the infield. By hogging another position the 2nd basemen lets down his teammates with respect to his 2nd base assignment. I know this sounds obvious when I say it but I really never thought about it until I started watching my own boys.

Also when someone in the outfield snags a grounder and throws it to 1st base that outfielder has to trust that the 1st basemen will do his job. The outfielder cannot physically run to first base and tag out the runner. It would be impossible even if he wanted to do it. The game of baseball demands teamwork and trust more than any other sport. It is for this reason that I am now giving baseball a chance.

So to the gods of baseball, I extend my most humble apology and tip my hat to you. I am looking forward to a much more meaningful relationship from this point forward.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

What Cyber D is watching on TV

It's been almost a year since my last post and that is just a crime. Much has happened in my life since May of 2010 including a new job in a new town. So I've got that going for me. But what do we all love most here at The Wheel in Space? That's right. Everyone wants to know what Cyber D thinks about television. I've got some great new stuff on the TiVo these days and some old favorites. So here is what Cyber D is watching right now.

Justified - Great show in its 2nd season. You like hot red-neck chicks, crazy meth addicts from Kentucky, and a bad ass U.S. Marshall that shoots first and doesn't even bother to ask questions later? Watch Justified.

Smallville - This show has gotten really old and really tired. But they say it's the final season so I've tuned back in to see Tom Welling finally done those red and blue tights in the finale.

The League - Okay so I'm not watching The League right now since it is only showing new episodes in the fall but watching this in rerun is worth it. It is - hands down - the funniest show in TV right now.

Perfect Couples - You'd think this was a chick flick by the name of the show but you'd be surprised how much stuff is in this show for guys.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - There really aren't any good sci-fi shows on TV right now. I think the fad may be drawing to a close. We may not see much sci-fi over the next decade. In the meantime, scratch that fan-boy itch by watching these guys write some seriously wild retroactive continuity.

Archer - I haven't actually started watching this show yet but I am damn close. The commercials are hilarious. Plus I like bad ass spies with no ability to self reflect.

Castle - This is the most main stream of the bunch but I like the Kate Beckett character and I'm always a fan of supporting the career of Nathan Fillon.

Phineas and Ferb - My kids love this show and its actually pretty funny. Plus those child voice actors an sing some serious funky music.