Best Summer Show in Town!

With most TV programming on summer hiatus we are all now accustomed to the tired re-runs, boring re-treds, and experimental disasters that is summer television. But once in a while somebody gets it right. Every so often the planets align to converge on the perfect storm of delicious television goodness. Dancing with the Stars was just such a show and is now a mainstream commercial success. I am pleased to announce that I have stumbled upon another summertime gem. It will likely not have the mass appeal of half-naked dancers but it tickles my fancy quite nicely. I had plans to write paragraphs on the greatness of this program but I'll let it speak for itself. I present to you, Spike TV's: DEADLIEST WARRIOR

Taking Care of Business - Part 6

It's probably been over a year since I've released one of my world renowned articles from the Taking Care of Business series. Your wait is over. The good news is that I've been very busy since our last discussion. I have been reading Sun Tzu's Art of War. Let me just say, this is a great little book. It's especially useful if you're a feudal lord in ancient China. But you can also apply its wisdom to your career. Like how to motivate employees through torture and how to take your bosses job, through assassination. You may ask, how is work like war? A wise man once told me, that (in work) the only person that will watch out you for you is you. In this sense you can easily compare your struggle against a rival competitor, a nasty boss, or a scheming coworker as a war against your livelihood. In tribute to the great Sun Tzu, I like to call this nugget of business wisdom:

Work is Hell



There are so many great lessons to take from The Art of War so it was difficult to narrow it down to just three concepts. But if there's one thing my MBA class on public speaking taught me about good presentations, it's that you never give an audience more than three points to digest. For some reason even the most intelligent crowds can't seem to keep it together long enough to absorb four points. Perhaps in future issues we can delve deeper into this great work. For now, mull these bad boys over as you think about navigating the hell that is your career.

From Chapter 1: Laying Plans, Part 18 - Part 25

All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder and crush him. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he has superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected. These military devices, leading to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

How do we apply Sun Tzu teaching on warfare to our every day working life? There is perhaps no more important thread that runs through the Art of War than the importance of secrecy and information. You must always keep the enemy guessing and never reveal weakness. Perhaps more important is to never reveal strength. If you have an advantage, never flaunt it - lest it be wasted. Be opportunistic in your decision making and pay attention to the conditions of others. By making plans in advance through the control of information, you will be able to position yourself for great success while others around you, with more resources and experience, falter.

From Chapter 3: Attack by Stratagem, Part 18

Hence the saying: If you know your enemy and yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy or yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

This chapter on strategy is an extension of the first two chapters about careful preparations. In fact very little of Sun Tzu's work discusses the actual execution of combat. While I would be the first to admit that I far prefer action to planning, there is little doubt that good planning can make the difference in success and failure in your work. Here in chapter three, Sun Tzu reminds us that we can not limit ourselves to studying the enemy. We must look inward and examine our own self. We must be wary of our own weaknesses and be realistic when we plan our work. If we do not understand how our co-workers and clients perceive us than we will never be able to predict the outcome of our interactions with them. If you are able to properly self analyse than you are better prepared to predict the outcome of interactions at work.

From Chapter 6: Weak Points and Strong, Part 7 - Part 9

You can be sure in succeeding in your attacks if you only attack places that are undefended. You can ensure the safety of your defense if you only defend places that cannot be attacked. Hence that general is skillful in attack whose opponent does not know what to defend; and he is skillful in defense whose opponent does not know what to attack. O divine art subtlety and secrecy! Through you we learn to be invisible, through you inaudible; and hence we can hold the enemy's fate in our hands.

Again Sun Tzu speaks of secrecy and information, specifically through the art of deception. But deception can be tricky, especially in the working world. We always have to be mindful of legal and ethical standards. Unlike love and war, there are rules and guidelines we must all follow in our work. But where you can deceive your "enemy", without compromising your ethical standards or office guidelines, you will find opportunity to improve your chances of success.

Well, there you have it, folks. Your crash course on office warfare boiled down to three points. Let me know how your next corporate take-over goes after employing some of Sun Tzu's tactics.

I'm about to jump ship

I've been watching Heroes from the the beginning. I got hooked early on and have really enjoyed the ride. I was even excited going into the fall season when others were saying it was done after the strike shortened season of a year ago.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a fan-boy apologist. Meaning, once I embrace a program, I tend to stick with it through thick and thin. I tend to give a a great deal of latitude for it to screw up, become boring, and general suck up the screen. I'm also willing to give a show as mush as en entire season... sometimes two seasons before I pass final judgement. Hell, I'm watching Eureka, about to start season 4 and I still have decided if I like it.

Usually this patience is limited to science fiction and fantasy programing. I watched the first three episodes of Grey's Anatomy with my wife and told her "I'm OUT! This show sucks." Of course that may have been more of a chick-dude thing. Still, if it had been a chick-show with laser guns or dragons I probably would have given it more time.

Still, I'm proud of my sci-fi apologist stance on programing. Sometimes, given time you will find true gems. Farscape is a tremendous show that was cut down too soon. If more people had given it a chance, I am certain it would have been able to at least complete it's 5 year run.

However, I am sad to say that the last two episodes of Heroes has left me flat. I found myself saying, "Who the hell cares what happens to these ass-holes?" I'll not go into agonizing detail but one of the shows stars was put into a position where he had this season's villain dead to rights. The good guy could have put a bullet right between the bad guy's eyes. And guess what, he didn't do it! Whoop de freakin' do! You're such a good guy you aren't going to stoop to his level. How many times do we have to go over that ground. Heroes does it at least three times a season. After 4 seasons that's about 12 times too many.

For the first time I asked myself if I should give it up... I'm torn. Torn deep and I don't know what to do.

I love my TV

I love my new TV. I still love it even though I had to send it in for repairs recently. It's one of the more expensive pieces of property I own in my home. It requires tender loving care and no small amount of respect. Because Lord knows, she returns that show of love and respect in kind with hours of sweet delicious high-definition goodness.

But I am beginning to fear that I may be losing perspective. Last night I was sitting in my living room basking in her warm glow when my wife came over and sat down next to me.

"What's on TV?" she asked me.

My response was, "Dust."

I was lucky to get out with only one black eye.

Make it Fine in 2009!

It's been too long since my last post. Unfortuantely 2009 doesn't look like its going to be any easier than 2008. I am jam packed at work this week, although I'd prefer to be jam packed than layed off I suppose... Still, with two trips out of town, portfolio review, annual POAs, department staff retreat, and my city campaign launch event all in January, I'm about to pull my hair out. And now I just learn that I'm expected to run a F-ing workshop at the staff retreat! I'm about to go insane. Happy New Year!

Customer Support Nightmare

I love my new Liquid Crystal Display High Definition Television. But as luck would have it, the LCD broke within the first two months of having it. No problem. It's not only under the 4 year Best Buy Warranty. It's still under the 1 year manufacture warranty. So I called Sony. It was a terrible experiance. I was so mad I hung up on the girl - and just called Best Buy. They were great. About a month later I got a letter from the Sony Customer Support VP. It was a generic letter asking me to rate their service and to email him if I couldn't give a score above 9 or 10 out of 10. This is my email for your reading pleasure...

Dear Mr. VP,

Thank you for the valued customer letter. We have been very happy with our Sony TV product and were very disappointed when the LCD screen went out only two months into the ownership of the television. My only serious complaint is with your telephone customer service. When I called the service line - the lady who took my call was unimaginably incompetent.

I understand that technical support troubleshooting requires your employees to run through the various standard scenarios in order to rule out all kinds of common problems with the television. But I made it very clear at the onset of the phone call that I had already ruled out all the common issues.

Yes - the TV was plugged in.
Yes - I checked all inputs for functionality
Yes - I unplugged and re-plugged in the television
Oh and by the way - the TV doesn't turn on in the same way as usual. The "Bravia" symbol no longer appears. Instead there is a slow bleed of black screen into white screen with no picture, sound, or access to the menu features. I think something is wrong with the LCD.

I told your customer service rep this in excruciating detail within the first 5 minutes of our conversation. Over the course of the next 1.5 hours she continued to ask me the "standard" by-the-book questions. Questions that I had already preemptively answered for her. This alone was not worthy of my frustration but every time I answered her questions or asked a question of her - she would pause and say "Please hold while I check my resources." I would then wait for approximately 5 minutes EACH time. This happened probably 8 times over the course of the conversation. A few times I spoke into the phone "Hello? Hello?" (wondering if I was on hold or if she was still on the line). Half the time she was still on the line and would respond. Which makes me wonder why she wasn't checking in more frequently with me? I assumed by "checking her resources" she meant going down her computer check-list. I mean - how long does it take to figure out that your next question to ask the customer is "Have you un-plugged and re-plugged in your television?"

By this time I was really becoming impatient. I then just assumed she was a trainee - new on the job. So I asked to speak to a supervisor. She asked me to please hold. This time the wait was a solid 5 minutes or more. When she came back on the line there was NO SUPERVISOR. She asked me to conduct another trouble shooting technique. I told her I didn't wish to speak to her anymore and again asked for a supervisor. She went away for another 5 minutes before coming back again. And AGAIN - NO SUPERVISOR. Only this time she offered to ship a brand new television to me, no questions asked! I said, "NO! I want to speak to a SUPERVISOR!" She put me on hold again for another 5 minutes! When she came back she again offered me a new TV. I said, "No - I don't want to talk to you anymore. I want to talk to your SUPERVISOR."

By this time, my wife had checked our receipt and reminded me that we had purchased a special 4 year warranty with Best Buy. My wife had already used her cell-phone to arrange a Geek-Squad appointment for me later that night.

When your customer service representative returned to the line with (AGAIN) NO SUPERVISOR. I told her, "You're lucky, tonight madam. You're lucky I'm tired of waiting. I wanted to talk to a supervisor to tell him that you are either incredibly inept, or your training is incredibly inept. I wanted to tell your supervisor that this is the WORST customer support call I have ever experienced. But I am tired of waiting and I am ready to deal directly with Best Buy. Thank God I purchased a 4 year extended warranty otherwise I would be at the mercy of you and your inept ways!

Unfortunately I did not get her name. I did not get her employee number. So I am sorry that this email cannot help you any more than to share with you my very terrible personal experience . If I wasn't so incredibly angry by this point, I probably would have thought to ask her name and employee number. But based on the experience, I suspect she would have refused to give it to me.

I hope this email can serve some positive purpose. I pray that if I ever am forced to deal with your customer service line again, that such problems with your staff will be resolved.

Thank you,
Cyber D

Dune... What the Hell?

I decided to read Frank Herbert's science fiction classic: Dune. It didn't take long but I eventually crossed the critical 100 page threshold which commits me unequivocally. I was able to overcome the fact that Herbert didn't write his story in chapters. Did you know Dune is written as 400+ page running stream of consciousness with the occasional page break marked by bizarre mystical quotes from a character you don't see until the last ten pages of the book? I didn't. But I did something with Dune that I have never done before with any other book.

I skimmed paragraphs!

You may think this to be no big deal, but you have to understand how monumental this is. I've never skimmed anything. Not even text books in school. I just can't absorb books that way. I never have. If I'm going to get from beginning to end and understand the full story, I read every word. Word for Word... the entire thing. Otherwise I find myself skipping over critical bits of plot, or subtle nuances of character development.

But with Dune I finally realized (about 200 pages in) that Frank Herbert is one messed up dude. The man did (without question) a shit-load of pot. And occasionally this would manifest in bizarre meandering paragraphs where characters examine their navel's for undetermined periods of time. After the tenth time a character started babbling about some random cosmic connection to the universe I figured out that ultimately it didn't propel the story forward. I just needed to know that they were trippin'... nothing more.

Perhaps I'm not getting my point across. Here's an excerpt from the story.

"Whirling silence settled around Jessica. Every fiber of her body accepted the fact that something profound had happened to it. She felt that she was a conscious mote, smaller than any subatomic particle, yet capable of motion and of sensing her surroundings. Like an abrupt revelation - the curtains whipped away - she realized she had become aware of a psychokinesthetic extension of herself. She was the mote yet not the mote."

What the hell is that? That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. Other than these bizarre acid trips I enjoyed Dune. It is a fantastically creative story with compelling character drama wrapped up in a gritty science fiction shell with shades of religious underpinnings. If you enjoy epic science fiction and you are interested in a story that has spawned thousands of other writers, read Dune.

But you have been warned.