Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Lucky Charm for Hire


I'm making it official. I wasn't sure at first. Admittedly, I didn't think it would be fair to the candidates but with these tough economic times I have to think of my family first. That's why I am announcing to the media today that I will make my "lucky charm" services available to the highest bidder between John McCain or Barack Obama.

"What is this nonsense?" You may ask yourself. Please accept these facts as proof of my value.

Fall 1992: While attending college in Texas, maintained Arkansas residency and voted with absentee ballot. Result - Victory for Governor Bill Clinton

Fall 1996: After graduating from college returned to Arkansas to start working full time for small private college. Voted as resident of Arkansas. Result - Victory for President Bill Clinton.

Fall 2000: Having taken new job in 1997 and moved to Texas, voted as a resident of Texas. Result - Victory for Governor George W. Bush.

Fall 2004: Remained in Texas and voted again as a resident of Texas. Result - Victory for President George W. Bush.

I think I make a pretty good case for being the luckiest charm any Presidential hopeful can acquire. Let's start the bidding at $500,000. Winner pays for my moving expenses to either Arizona or Illinois.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Politics Shuffle


I don't know why I care so much this time around. It's not like the Democrats have a chance of taking the 34 electoral votes in Texas. And yet I find myself drawn to the Presidential election now more than ever. Perhaps eight years and two Presidential elections with a man you know to be the wrong person for the job is enough to get anyone interested. But do you know that despite Barack Obama's current comfortable lead in the national polls I find myself still worried?

For years now the Republican Party has been so adept at tapping into the visceral psyche of the American people - coining terms such as "pro-life" and "liberal-commie". It is a vocabulary that appealed to two very large segments of U.S. citizens: Religious fundamentalists and Down-Home-Country-Patriots... to put it kindly. The Republican doctrine spread through the mid-west and deep south like a teenage frenzy at a Jonas Brothers concert. But why? I can understand why the lifestyles of the rich and famous gravitate toward Republican politics. It's in their best interest. In that sense I don't blame them one bit. But why would any middle and lower income families cast their lot in with a party that cares nothing for their well being? I have come to the distinct realization that unfortunately we cannot all be rocket scientists and the Republicans shrewdly capitalized on the common thread that ran between their two newly harvested demographics: A lack of intellect.

I have to admit that up until this race I was a fan of McCain. He has traditionally been a politician who (in his own words) "reaches across the isle" in the face of his own party's agenda. But like any poster-boy for the Republican party, temptation got the better of him. Most notably with his pick of Sarah The Barracuda Palin.

This woman is no more fit to be Vice-President than I am fit to be America's Next Top Model. Once again the GOP insults our intelligence by waltzing out what basically amounts to George W. Bush in heels as the Veep nominee. A candidate that doesn't even understand what the "Bush Doctrine" means. A candidate that is unable to provide a single Judicial ruling other than Roe vs. Wade. A candidate that is currently under investigation for abuse of power in her position as Governor of Alaska. But don't worry, America! She looks great with her hair all done up! Ironically, the move that sickened me the most may well be McCain's undoing - as he gave Palin just enough rope to hang herself in front of Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.

And yet I find myself still worrying that our country's witless will once again prevail, despite all conceivable evidence to the contrary. To this day the Democrats have yet to find an answer to the Big-Mac-Sound-Byte-Newspaper-Headline style propaganda that embodies the Republican platform. This lack of a good come-back is in part due to the complexity of political problems in our society and the difficulty it takes to defend your beliefs when you are on the ropes. This is the position the Democrats have been in for the last 20 years. Sure we had those eight glorious years with a gifted statesmen and philanderer. But he's the exception that proves the rule, isn't he? It has taken an economic crisis of gargantuan proportions and a foreign policy that has made us the laughing stock of the rest of the world for our country to be snapped out if its malaise.

Now it looks as if victory is in sight. But as any blind monkey could predict, it is always darkest before the dawn. The latest coverage of the Republican rallies have been sickening. The McCain-Palin ticket have been playing to their base, which now resembles something between a monster truck rally and a white supremacist convention with spectators screaming for Obama's head, calling him a liar, a Muslim, and a dangerous terrorist. But I learned of the most shocking turn of events on the radio this morning. Apparently McCain was recently "boo-ed" at one of his own rallies. The man who I had respected up until recently finally allowed his ethical standards to get the better of him. As I understand it, he stopped a women from calling Senator Obama a Muslim and terrorist. He corrected her, calling him a family man whom McCain respects. They just differ in their political beliefs. And for this, the right-wing-base of the GOP boo-ed and jeered their candidate for President.

For me it is both a high point and low point in this race. A high point because McCain demonstrated he has the ability to stand up for truth and fairness even in the face of an angry mob. A low point because it saddens me that the convictions of these angry mobs have been allowed to pass as good-old-fashioned-American-patriotism.

And so I wait with eager anticipation, to proudly cast my vote in Texas for Barak Obama, knowing full well that my electoral voters will be giving their votes to McCain on election day. But I do it out of principle. I do it because at the end of the day, it is our single most important right. I do it in support of all those battleground states whose voters will turn the tide of American history.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

They grow up so fast...


The Cyber Clan was sitting around the dinner table last night and I asked my 4 year old son what he did at school the other day. The following conversation ensued.

Lil' Magnum: I made animal noises at a girl today, Daddy.

Me: What did you do?

Lil' Magnum: Growl, Squawk, Neigh, Quack! Like that.

Me: What's her name?

Lil' Magnum: I don't know her name. She has a pink bow on her head.

Me: Is she in your class?

Lil' Magnum: No, I saw her in the lunch room.

Me: Is she pretty?

Lil' Magnum: No! (he says in a defensive tone)

Me: You should introduce yourself.

Lil' Magnum: What!?!

Me: Yes - Next time you see her just go up and say, "Hello, my name is Lil' Magnum. What's your name?"

Lil' Magnum: Baaah!! I can't do that!

Me: Why not?

Lil' Magnum: She thinks I'm a monster. She runs away.

Me: That's because you're not talking to her. Try talking instead of making animal noises.

Lil' Magnum: Nah...

Me: Oh... I see. So what do you plan to do the next time you see her?

(My son sits and ponders his options for a few seconds before responding)

Lil' Magnum: I'll show her my trick (He then stands up on his chair and sucks his belly in so deep that you can count each of his ribs individually)

Me: That's my boy.