Friday, May 12, 2006

Battle Royale - Round 4 Results - Elite Eight

Robots and Cyborgs

1)Darth Vader VS. 2)Borg Queen

Even away from her hive ship, the Borg Queen is a formidable adversary. The Queen knows that in a direct confrontation she could never stand up to the powers of the Sith Lord. Instead she taps into the Death Star mainframe and begins to assimilate the space station's operational computer. She turns the very battleground against Lord Vader. Every hatch-way, security probe, level-riser, and defense system is used against him. Vader is forced down treacherous corridors and bombarded with laser fire as the Queen attempts to position herself in such a way as to surprise Vader. But the Sith Lord draws upon his massive force powers, keeping his senses acutely tuned to the next threat. With lightsaber in hand he deflects the onslaught of security probes, he cleaves air-locks in half as they attempt to crush him, and he springs from danger as the very ground is pulled from beneath him. Perhaps if the Borg Queen were strictly a robot, she could have surprised Vader. But like he, she is a cyborg - part-machine and part living. As such, Vader senses the force within her and he strikes out at the darkened corner from which she hid. The two halves of her severed body fall harmlessly to the ground. All too easy. WINNER: Darth Vader



Monsters

4)Gozer the Gozarian VS. 7)The Predator

Does the Predator harbor any fears? Could a creature born and bred to do combat for sport suffer from such weakness? Perhaps the little baby predators never need a bed-time story when they are scared at night. But maybe there are legends amongst the Predator race. Legends of an ancient evil that cannot be stopped. Perhaps their entire society is built upon the fear of some great force that is more formidable than any other living creature. A force that constantly keeps the Predator motivated to strive for warrior perfection. A motivation fueled by fear. Yes... the great hunter becomes the hunted by his worst nightmare. WINNER: Gozer the Gozarian



Sorcerers and Scientists

1)The Emperor VS. 2)Evil Willow Rosenburg

The Emperor is not amused by this young girl. He has defeated Jedi Knights, taken down an entire Republic, and controlled the minds of thousands with little to no effort. But Willow's ancient witchcraft cares not for the powers of the force. The energy coursing through her veins is pure, undiluted, black magic. A dark magic potent enough to tear the fabric of space and unleash Armageddon on earth. Palpatine attempted mind control but Willow's mind was a vast chaotic chasm with nothing to grasp. The Emperor ripped himself from the mental void and reeled backwards. Willow in turn bombarded the Sith Lord with a barrage of hexes and curses sending one shock-wave after another through his frail body. The Emperor attempted to unleash his force lightning but, Willow absorbed the energy effortlessly as if she siphoned the power deliberately. Exhausted and defeated Palpatine could do nothing as she cast a final hex that liquefied his brain. WINNER: Evil Willow Rosenburg



Warriors

1)Master Li Mu Bai VS. 2)Luke Skywalker

Both warriors have walked effortlessly through the early rounds of this tournament. Both men bring formidable powers to the combat and they use every ounce of these powers in facing each other. With the force as Luke's ally, he is able to do what others could not, that being making first contact with the Wudan master, slashing a large gash on his sword arm. However, the great Li Mu Bai does not allow this to break his concentration. Luke is young and impatient. Even as a jedi he is subject to fits of anger and while tapping into the dark side of the force has helped this Jedi Knight in the past, it will serve no purpose against Master Li Mu Bai. The Wudan warrior waits for Luke to make mistakes and it is then that he lashes out with the Green Destiny. Luke begins to feel the frustration of battle as each passing moment only offers him another wound at the hands of his opponent. Tuned to every tiny detail, Li Mu Bai watches Luke as if the Jedi moved in slow motion. The Wudan master makes every move count, turning the slightest twitch into a devestating attack. It was as if Luke's weakening state feed strength into Li Mu Bai. It was now only a matter of time. WINNER: Master Li Mu Bai



Next: Round 5 Results - The Final Four

8 comments:

Q said...

First!

Nate said...

frist!

Nate said...

My money is now on Willow to take it all.

Away from the internet for the next few days. I look forward to seeing results on Monday.

Q said...

Gyuss when are you going to put up a blog?

Nate said...

Blog? Not me. There's already enough info about all of us floating around out there.

I'm just a participant in other people's interesting ideas.

Dagromm said...

There are ceratinly some heavy hitters left, although I would have preferred to see Jessica Alba meet up with Jerry Ryan in the finals...in banana pudding.

Nate said...

I find that image degrading to women, mainly because I hate banana pudding.

A whipped cream/choclolate pudding swimming pool on the other hand has been well recognized through the centuries as a truly honorable arena for self-confident women to wage combat.

Preferrably in a venue where malted beverages are served.

Q said...

You gentlemen sicken me! Women are to be placed upon pedistals or chained to walls and admired not put in some pool of semi-gelatinous goo for your pleasure. Now a pillow fight wearing sheer pj's that is something that Martha Burk would endorse.