Perhaps the Marlboro Man didn't necessarily enjoy "tasting the adventure". Perhaps he only tolerated "Flavor Country". I'm guessing Mr. Marlboro simply had a severe allergic reaction to bees and wasps.
Yesterday evening the family was playing in the back yard together. While we were outside Lil' Higgins got stung by a bee. You could tell because he started screaming bloody murder out of the blue. We scooped him up and scanned for stingers. We found one on the tip of his finger and it was beginning to swell up and turn bright red. While Mrs. Cyber was in the kitchen getting ice I ran to the first aid kit and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.
"Do you really think that will help?" she asked me. She had heard the tale from my youth. I was stung by several bees during a summer job. One of my coworkers was a chain smoker and he said, "Just slap some nicotine on it. It'll suck that poison right out!" After I paused for a second to take in the absurdity of that comment he had already whipped out a cigarette, broken it in half, slapped it on my arm and covered it with a band-aid. What followed was the most bizarre feeling. I could literally feel the poison being drawn out of my body. It was as if the nicotine was a super sponge. Within a few minutes it was as if I hadn't been stung at all.
My response to my wife was, "Of course it will work!" I quickly followed the instructions I had been given seventeen years ago. I then sat and waited and hoped that my memory hadn't played tricks on me. I am happy to say that this home remedy works like a charm! Within half an hour Lil' Higgins was right as rain. I'm proud to say we keep a pack of Marlboro regulars in our home!
7 comments:
this is sooo what i need to hear this week!
an excuse to keep marbs in the house even though j and i just quit. (again)
does it work with yellowjackets do you think? our house seems to have been built on some sort of sacred yellow jacket breeding ground.
although now that i think about it, i seem to remember someone doing this tobacco trick with me when i was living in florida.
Please let the next entry be about the magical healing properties of alcohol.
I always heard something about mustard on burns. I've never tried it out but supposedly it takes the heat out or something..
Man, those of us who knew you in college know that you are big on "herbal" healing solutions.
I attest to the validity of this story! Not that I was there, but I've been told of this remedy as well. My brain is telling me that someone, probably my mom's boyfriend using her Marlboros, did this with me once and it worked. But all I can actively remember is the stank of spit mixed with the tobacco on my skin and the blocking out the rest of the trauma.
Wow, never heard of that one! It would be good to know if it worked for yellowjackets too, since climbing areas always have some.
Would be funny if you pulled it out when some other kid and his parents were around, and you shoved on in your mouth and when they asked if it would work, you'd say that it'd sure make you feel better!
Hell yeah that shit works...we've used that remedy for years!!! Although given the price of a pack of cigarettes now, you might want to just buy first aid for stings at the pharmacy!!
Whew! I'm glad I don't smoke!!! Wait, what was I saying?...
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