The Stupid, Crazy, and Selfish

Walter Cannon first described the "acute stress response" in 1929. The theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system. In layman's terms, an animal has two options when faced with danger. They can either face the threat and "fight" or they can avoid the threat through "flight."

In civilized society it is generally considered acceptable to not return someone's phone-calls rather than punch them in the face if you don't like them. Consequently, (like most people) I have spent my life investing time and energy in people who are good-natured, kind-hearted, and generally enjoyable to be around. Meanwhile, I have spent a relative amount of energy in staying away from those that would be a negative force in my life.

But how does one identify these social predators? How often have we made a friend, acquaintance, or business contact that turns out to be a nightmare relationship? Ideally your radar gets better with age as you learn to identify the tell-tale signs. But first let's meet our three ass-holes that we need to look out for because they are such ass-holes.

The Stupid, The Crazy, and The Selfish. All three are equally destructive yet in very different ways. Let's start with the easiest one to identify.

The Stupid: The stupid are probably the least harmful of the three groups. After all, it's not entirely their fault that they are stupid. Some of it is inherited. If you are friends with a stupid person you are either very unlucky or stupid yourself. Stupid people are the ones that drive slow in the fast-lane, park outside the parking lines in a parking-lot, or attempt to buy 100 items and use the express check-out line. However, stupid behavior of complete strangers is really more of a minor annoyance. When you let stupid people into your life, it can become more hazardous. Like that friend who borrows your favorite book or DVD and then loses it. What about that neighbor who agrees to feed your dog while you are on a two-week vacation, but then decides (while you are gone) to take a weekend trip of their own, leaving your precious pet to fend for itself? But the worst is the co-worker who manages to make rocket science out of the simplest tasks - making your job all the more difficult and taxing. The good news is that The Stupid are the easiest to pick out in a crowd. They are usually the ones with the vacant expression or look of helplessness plastered across their faces. So keep your eyes open for stupid behavior and steer clear of these morons.

The Crazy: The crazy are definitely more dangerous than the stupid. They are also more difficult to spot. Often times crazy people can come in the form of your local PTA leader, your pharmacist, or even your wife's brother's girlfriend. If you are friends with a crazy person... It's not your fault. Many have been duped by the glossy front that a "Crazy" is able to manifest during the early stages of a friendship. Don't worry. The friendship will not last long because the crazy person will either turn on you or drive you so crazy that you turn on them. Either way, this spells TROUBLE for you. Crazy people are the ones that usually have a garage (not a closet) full of skeletons. If theft, vandalism, harassment, or assault is involved it usually includes at least one crazy person. So what are the red-flags with the crazy person you ask? It may take some time for them to surface but drama-queen behavior is a big red-flag. If this person always talks about being in crisis, or complains about some nightmarish disaster, it is possible that they are a lightning rod for such travesty and are probably generating this negative energy themselves. Sworn enemies are also a good sign that you are friends with a crazy person. Typically "The Crazy" has left a path of scorched earth so wide that you can always find someone that they despise or despises them. Finally, watch out for crazy behavior masked as stupidity.

The Selfish: These are the worst. They are the most difficult to spot and can cause you the most grief. To make matters worse, a vast majority of "The Stupid" and "The Crazy" could also fall into this category. Selfishness comes in many forms but almost all selfish behavior is rooted in a lack of empathy. When I describe "The Selfish," I'm talking about the chronically self absorbed person. The person with a complete lack of empathy. Someone who is incapable of conceptualizing the needs of others. Everyone exhibits a little bit of selfish behavior from time to time. This is natural. But we all know someone who is so wrapped up in their own wants and needs that they will knock-down, backstab, betray, cheat, and otherwise abuse anyone in their path. What is the most insulting thing about "The Selfish" is that they consider their behavior to be without fault or malice. They believe that God blessed them and Jesus Christ as the only two perfect people in the history of mankind and they are just having to suffer through their lives surrounded by the insignificant masses. There are many signs that will tip you off to the secretly selfish, but you need only one true measure. "The Selfish" NEVER apologize.

So, now you know... And knowing is half the battle.