Battle Royale - Round 1 Results

Robots and Cyborgs

Darth Vader VS. Johnny 5

Was there ever really a question as to who would emerge victorious? Lord Vader made short work of Johnny. The Sith Lord effortlessly cleaved the lovable robot into tiny pieces before Johnny had a chance to even say hello. WINNER: Darth Vader



Data VS. Seven of Nine

Data and Seven moved to strike simultaneously. Each one matched the other with strength, speed, and ingenuity. Had Seven been willing to inject nano-probes into the android she might have won the battle. But she chose to fight clean. While the cyborg tired the android remained fresh. He went for the kill the second Seven let down her guard due to fatigue, Data snapped her neck like a twig. WINNER: Data

Terminator VS. Maximilion

Even without weapons the Terminator is a formidable foe. Too bad he brought an entire arsenal into the battle. Maximilion was obliterated in a hail of gunfire before he could even activate his spinning claw. WINNER: Terminator



Pris VS. Steve Austin

Pris is best used to seduce and destroy the human male. She got lucky facing off against the most human cyborg in this entire bracket. Steve, like most action heroes from the 70's, was a sucker for the ladies. Pris moved in seductively before The Six Million Dollar Man even knew what hit him. WINNER: Pris

Agent Smith VS. Cylon

The Cylon, being forced to fight inside the Matrix, made this an almost impossible battle. It took down 10 different versions of Agent Smith before the Smith program was able to reach the robot. But once this had happened it was all over. The Cylon became part of the Matrix. Winner: Agent Smith



Luc Deveraux VS. K-9

Luc Deveraux is a formidable warrior but more reactive than proactive. K-9 used strategy against Luc by examining his bodily structure, and learning his weakness. Using his nose-blaster as a shield the tiny robot dog played defense until Luc started to overheat. K-9 finished him off. Nose Ray set for KILL! Winner: K-9

Robocop VS. Sonny

Strength versus Dexterity. Sonny had a chance but he had to get in close in order to do any damage. Robocop was just tough enough to withstand Sonny's first few attacks. All Robo needed to do was catch Sonny. And that he did. WINNER: Robocop



Borg Queen VS. HAL 9000

HAL lost the battle the minute his program was downloaded into the Borg Queen's lair. Instantly assimilated, HAL's uniqueness was added to the Queen. WINNER: Borg Queen

Monsters

The Lord of Darkness VS. The Beast

While Vincent has an impressive mane of flowing locks, The Lord of Darkness wields powerful black magic. He cast The Beast into a deep magical despair, emotionally crippling the creature until he was nothing more than a husk of his former self. WINNER: The Lord of Darkness



Sill VS. Edgar

Sill needs the element of surprise that comes with using her feminine wiles. Edgar cares not for these things. The massive bug seized Sill by the head and feet and broke her like a wish-bone. WINNER: Edgar

The Indescribable Monster VS. Shelob

While Shelob did not fear the great beast, she did not appreciate the raw power of the creature. One shot of his eyeball-lightning obliterated her. WINNER: The Indescribable Monster



Gozer VS. The Fly

The Fly, a mindless creature that only knows fear and desire was not capable of preventing it's worst nightmare from entering its mind. Gozer emerged as the form of Gina Davis (but not the sexy siren from The Fly). No, this was the Gina Davis from Commander In Chief... with lightning bolt powers. WINNER: Gozer the Gozarian

The Mummy VS. Captain Barbossa

This battle waged for hours as these two undead beasts hacked, stabbed, and clawed each other, only to reform and press on. But the mighty magic of the Mummy won out. Learning that brute strength would not stop Barbossa, the Mummy called upon ancient magic to decimate the Captain, causing his body to burst into millions of tiny particles that spread across the continent. It would take weeks for the Captain to reform but by that time the tournament would be over. WINNER: The Mummy



Dracula VS. Medusa

Perhaps the most elegant victory in the first round. Dracula, gaining home-court advantage chooses a chamber of mirrors for his battle-ground. He knows that despite his vast power, even he is subject to the Medusa's horrific gaze. But the mirrored chamber allows him unlimited visual access to the she-beast and is the perfect camouflaged for The Count. He surprises and destroys her with great ease, draining her body of all blood. WINNER: Dracula

The Predator VS. Michael Corvin

Corvin is a powerful foe but an inexperienced fighter. The Predator is a masterful hunter, using his superior technology and other abilities to great advantage. The battle raged for some time but eventually The Predator always gets his pre. WINNER: The Predator



Alien Queen VS. Caesar

Another lopsided victory. Caesar never saw it coming. Alien-razor-spine-tail right through the ol' body cavity. WINNER: Alien Queen

Sorcerers & Scientists

The Emperor VS. Quinn Mallory

Quinn maybe a handsome young man with a big brain but The Emperor is the Sith Lord of all Sith Lords. While Force Lightning looks cool, Palpy doesn't even bother. He takes a page from his pupil's book and crushes Quinn's neck with a flick of his fingers. WINNER: The Emperor



Doctor Who VS. The Invisible Man

The Invisible Man may be hard to see but The Doctor has dealt with that trick countless times before. Using his sonic screwdriver, The Doctor creates a refracting time-field that allows him to see objects outside the visible light spectrum. Combine this with a karate chop to the back of the head and "check mate." WINNER: The Doctor

The Master VS. Mr. Spock

The Master could run intellectual circles around the Vulcan. But with the tissue compression eliminator, it wasn't even necessary. The Master takes the shrunken science officer and heads for the latest Trek convention for an autograph from Leonard Nimoy. WINNER: The Master



Saruman VS. Sam Beckett

Poor Sam Becket. Even quantum physics can't save him from the power of Saruman's magic. WINNER: Saruman

Gandalf the White VS. Phoebe

Even the power of "the three" would be hard pressed to stand up against the most imposing wizard in the tournament. Alone Phoebe is nothing more than a pretty face. Gandalf introduces her to Glamdring. WINNER: Gandlaf



Ra VS. Bavmorda

Ra may be an all powerful god to the ancient people of Egypt but he/she is nothing more than a chump alien to the evil witch Bavmorda. She effortlessly deflects the laser-fire from Ra's weaponry before turning him into a pig... Likely the runt of the litter. WINNER: Bavmorda

Scorpius VS. The Goblin King

On paper the Goblin King has the chops to take down Scorpius. But the Goblin King is just a little to dandy and chooses to toy with Scorpy. This costs him the battle, for it gives the Peacekeeper Commander enough time take him down with a well placed plasma blast to the face. WINNER: Scorpius



Evil Willow Rosenburg VS. Willow Ufgood

The battle of the Willows could not have been more anti-climactic. Evil Willow has torn the flesh from a man's bones, burned people alive, and nearly caused the destruction of the human race. Willow Ufgood never had a chance. WINNER: Evil Willow Rosenburg

Warriors

Li Mu Bai VS. Buck Rogers

The great Wudan master does not find Buck's smarmy self confidence (nor his perfect hair) amusing and dispatches the astronaut with ease. WINNER: Li Mu Bai



Boba Fett VS. Hercules

I'd like to think that the cool factor of Boba wins out over the campy Hercules. But we are talking about a Demi-God and the son of Zeus. No amount of Rocket powered projectiles are going to take down a warrior who can carry the entire world on his back! WINNER: Hercules

Buffy VS. Xena

This cat-fight was the crowd favorite of round one. Neither one pulled their punches and while Xena was able to hang in there for the first few blows, she was unable to withstand the raw power of the Chosen One. Boot to the head! WINNER: Buffy




Neo VS. Ash

If any Cinderella had a chance of defeating Neo in the first round it would have been Ash. Hell he cut-off his own hand to prevent being possessed by demons! Even inside the Matrix, Ash was able to withstand many of Neo's attacks. But Neo can stop-time and bullets. WINNER: Neo

Max VS. Aeryn

Two genetic super soldiers highly trained in the art of war. Looks like a close match. But Aeryn's faced down tougher opponents and come out victorious. I'll take the former Peacekeeper over Max any day of the week. On paper its the biggest upset of the first round. We can all thank The Q for the over-inflated seed position of Max as well as Aeryn's easy round one victory. WINNER: Aeryn



The Highlander VS. Korben Dallas

Korben's got guts but he's no match for the Highlander's skills and invulnerability. The Highlander dispatches Korben quickly and cleanly. WINNER: The Highlander

Conan VS. Riddick

Three words: JAMES EARL JONES. If you can defeat that powerhouse than Vin Diesel is a cake walk. Unfortunately seeing in the dark didn't help Riddick this time. Conan faces his opponents head on and in daylight. Conan rips Riddick apart one limb at a time. WINNER: Conan



Luke Skywalker VS. Captain Kirk

Unfortunately for Kirk, Luke has no interest in the Captain's Log. Young Skywalker doesn't even use his lightsaber on this one. WINNER: Luke Skywalker

Next Installment - Round 2 Results