Saturday, May 13, 2006

Battle Royale - Round 5 Results - Final Four

1) Darth Vader VS. 4) Gozer the Gozarian

There is almost nothing in the universe that Lord Vader fears. The Sith Lord fears not death, he has suffered far too much for this to concern him. He fears not his children, nor does he fear his master. But Gozer can see into the deepest and darkest corners of the mind. Peeling back the layers of his mind the Gozarian drew upon the one image that plagues the mighty Sith Lord. Darth Vader advanced with purpose on the beast, knowing full well that it was nothing more than a glorified monster. The creature would fall by his hand. However, what emerged from the shadows caused the Sith Lord to stop dead in his tracks. It was no ghastly alien beast. It was the beaten and bloody corpse of his own mother, Shmi that stood before him. Vader stared upon the ghostly form in shock and in that split second Gozer struck. It raised out it's arms in a form of loving embrace only to cast forth a surge of powerful paranormal energy. The deadly bolts surged through Vader's armor, magnifying the charge and blowing out the cyborgs circuitry. Vader's life-support systems instantly failed and he fell to the ground. Gozer continued to plow more energy through the fallen jedi until his very eye sockets burned with the stench of death. WINNER: Gozer the Gozarian



1) Master Li Mu Bai VS. 2) Evil Willow Rosenburg

While Master Li Mu Bai is known as a stoic and focused warrior he can also be very "chatty" when it suits his purpose. He taunted Buffy in order to uncover her weakness of doubt and he had every intention of doing the same to her friend Willow. He engaged the dark witch in a verbal duel, attempting to learn what weakness he could exploit. Evil Willow was uninterested in the verbal sparing but she revealed enough for the Wudan master to make a quick decision. Li Mu Bai now understood that Evil Willow was nothing more than little girl consumed by sadness and loss. She was an empty shell of her former self fueled by dark magic that dictated her every thought. The Wudan master took a terrible risk by reaching out in a gesture of love. Li Mu Bai told Willow that people cared for her no matter what her actions. He appealed to the Willow inside. The shell of the human that remained, trapped by the despair of dark magic. And in a moment of clarity, the innocent girl was brought back from the brink, just as her dear friend Xander had done. Willow voluntarily forfeit the battle. WINNER: Li Mu Bai

4 comments:

Nate said...

Oh man! Vader's greatest fear is his mother? Now there are some issues tha need to explored on a therapists couch.

There is no way the Gozarian does not go...alll..the..way

Q said...

I don't know my greatest fear involves my mother. It also involves me doing what any normal person does when they are in a segregated room alone with pornography dirty dirty pornography, and being interupted. I wonder how Gozer would turn into that? "Oh Jeffrey!"(said with disgust and sadness by my mother). Go ahead Gozer give me your worst.

Nate said...

You mean burning it right? That's what I do with all such bad books. "No, really mom, these were going straight into the furnace."

I've decided that if I faced Gozer, he'd appear as the Shmoo.

Dagromm said...

I'd "face" Gozer any day of the week. All up in that nasty bitches face!!!! Oh yeah!!!! Naughty Gozerian!!! You like that!!!