Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. That's all I keep hearing from my wife, my doctor, my mother... you name it. And it's true. Often times when I feel run-down, lethargic, or just have a simple head-ache, a few bottles of water is all it takes to get me back on the right side of feeling swell. But there is a dark side to hydration. A wicked side with a nasty sense of humor.
How many of you in blog-country have been right on time for a meeting at work, with no wiggle room for a bathroom break? You can already feel it coming on and you hope that the meeting, scheduled for an hour is only going to go thirty minutes because that may be all your bladder can handle. So you sit in the meeting. You take notes, you participate, you listen and you watch as the momentum of said meeting goes well beyond your window of opportunity. Now you're holding on for dear life. You'd prefer not to get up and leave the room, drawing attention to the fact that you are gong to pee-pee and you think that maybe the meeting could wrap up in just a few minutes. The time ticks away and you are no longer able to concentrate on the content of the meeting because the pain in your bladder is blocking out all other sensation.
A few minutes earlier you were chiming in with great ideas and interesting observations. Now every person in the room that says, "Have we discussed this option yet?" becomes your mortal enemy and you curse the day that they were born because you now know that it would one day lead to them setting in this f-ing meeting and forcing you to risk pissing your pants!
You begin to squirm ever so slightly because it is all you can do to hold back the tide of urine that is now dangerously close to spilling forth! You think to yourself, I can't wait any longer! I must excuse myself from the meeting. But you're paranoid now. Worried that someone may have noticed your change in demeanor long ago and will know that for the last thirty minutes you've been thinking of nothing but unzipping your pants!
But then the meeting ends! Thank the Gods! relief at last. You stand up and prepare to file out the door of the conference room. You're home free! The toilet is just a few yards away and you can almost feel that sweet relief. It's the most precious thing in the world at this point and you would trade away your first born child just for the chance to let it fly!
You step one foot out of the conference room and in that very moment your boss stops you and says, "Say, cyberman. Have a seat for a few minutes while I go over this other project with you."
Normally you'd have the right words to explain your situation. You'd say something like, "I'm sorry, boss. I need to run to the restroom really quickly and I'll be right back." Unfortunately all sanity has left you at this point and you only manage to blurt out, "Pampers" because that's what you'll need if you're not careful.
7 comments:
The typos in this post are a testamony to your need to pee. I would recommend depends and a urinal cake that way you don't actually have to go to the bathroom for weeks at a time. You'll smell like a genius!
Thanks for the heads up on both counts, Dags. Apparently after I spell checked I didn't confirm changes.
...I was hoping you might issue that last line... otherwise I would have.
This is why I always bring an empty gatorade bottle into meetings.
CyberD, maybe you should just try to get to your meetings a little early...
Of course, testamony is spelled testimony, but it's all good.
If you develop an aversion to public restrooms, you'll have that staff meeting conundrum licked like a spoon filled with cake batter.
What I do is pull out my cell phone (a Blackberry would be even better), look at it in a concerned way and get up to leave the room exuding an air of importance, take my break, and come back in clipping the phone back on the belt or sliding it back in the pocket. This works especially well in a workplace where you might get crisis calls (like I do), or hot stock tips (like I don't). Or try this - as you leave the room, stare at one person (preferably someone you don't like or want to unnerve) while you pretend-listen, say, "that's right" or "actually I'm not." This'll freak eveyone out, especially the one you played the little trick on.
This mindgame was brought to you by Plug.
fringes-I had to go to the bathroom too.
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