I was chatting with Q on the phone the other day and he revealed to me that he has a full length mirror on his bathroom door. This in and of itself is not a problem and I thought little of it. But then Q went on to confess that his biggest regret in life was strategically placing the mirror so that he can view himself in all his glory while doing the most unholy of acts on the crapper. This disturbed me greatly and I did not believe him at first.
Why in the name of all that is sweet and clean on this precious earth would anyone want to watch themselves in that most disgusting state? Q admitted that it was an innocent mistake and one he didn't realize he was making at the time. However there is still that lingering question in my mind as to why he never rectified the situation.
Picture this:
You finish a tasty meal of Beef Wellington and frito-chili-pie and decide that a delicious meal like this isn't complete until you've really made room for it in your lower intestines. You push away from the chair and head down the hall towards the "throne-room." As you prepare for the "slow burn" you grab a copy of the latest Texas Monthly and flip to the classifieds for a little light reading. At first you're engrossed in the delicate writing of Don Gaylord's article on Bluebonnets but inevitably nature demands your undivided attention. Your face turns serious and your toes curl as you grip the towel rack and marshal all you energy towards the singular event that occupies your every thought.
And it's in that moment of clenched anguish that you look up and lock eyes with your own reflection in the most gruesome, jaw-dropping, and horror-filled sight you have ever had the displeasure of seeing your own body performing.
That would quite literally shock the shit out of me. Perhaps that is the real reason why Q has never taken down that offense of a mirror.
*shudder*
10 comments:
Somebody come get me when we're no longer talking about this.
Best post you have made in weeks. Maybe months!
Maybe ever. Now that's good writing.
um...thanks?
fringes, we'll call you in a few days.
Q, thanks.
Dags, double-thanks!
G, you're most welcome.
Dude, you need more fiber in your diet.
This post does answer a question that has always troubled me about the state of your living quarters throughout the years. No one ever explained that it is a "throne room" and not a "thrown room." Those smelly brown walls make a little sense to me now.
If it doesn't have pepperoni on it I don't eat it.
Regarding my spelling... 'tis true. It is one of my super-hero weaknesses!
Chillax that was too funny...
is it wrong for a 37 year old, hick-town, next to the graveyard livin, cracker white, mommy of 1 to say ~snap!~? damn, that was a good one chillax. let me buy you a drink. lmao
i forgot what i was gonna say.....oh yeah. i had an apartment with brat years ago and the previous tennent had ~glued~ a mirror to the back of the bathroom door. so no matter what, ~someone~ was gonna see you on the toilet. however, being female i saw a solution to this. i installed a curtian rod over the mirror and used curtians and tiebacks so that we could decide ~when~ to look at ourseves. q, the options for you as a guy are either tell fringes what i did and ask her to help pick something out ~or~ nail a beach towel over it and wait for fringes to get sick of looking at it and change it herself. one's gonna get you laid and the other is gonna have you sleepin single. you decide.
heather, Q can do either of those very worthy suggestions or he could... just... take it down. But that might be too simple.
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