So I just finished watching Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny. I put it off for several months because Q told me it sucked. I hated to hear that because I introduced the marvelous lyrical musings of JB and KG to The Quad a few years ago. The first album will always rock in infamy for us. It will be forever hard to dethrone that monster record. But I have to say The Pick of Destiny really wasn't terrible. And a couple of the new songs are pretty damn good. But here is a little golden nugget of knowledge for those that are open to enlightenment. The director is a man named Liam Lynch who also happens to be the genius behind the one-off hit: My United States of Whatever as well as a very brief but extremely genius TV show.
Back in the fall of 1998, when Dagromm and I were still living in the same small Texas town, we started getting together for a morning jog. You might call it the slim-down challenge that sparked a national trend. Around that same time we had both begun watching a new late-night comedy called Sifl & Olly. The wacky off-beat humor, performed masterfully by a cornucopia of creative and crazy sock puppet characters had us both laughing our asses off all threw our morning jog the next day. It was good times back then but unfortunately stupid-ass TV executives couldn't see genius even if it jumped up and bit them in the wrinkle stick! The show was canceled. Long live Sifl & Olly!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
God bless the U.S.A.
Miss Teen South Carolina proves that beauty pageants are about more than just beauty!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Taking Care of Business - Part 4
I'm here to tell you that there is a super-duper-secret way to making good money and doing absolutely nothing. Actually there are three. So read them all and feel free to pick which one you like best.
1. Be born into old family money. Oh, too late for that?
2. Win the lottery. Oh, not lucky enough for that?
3. Start your own pyramid scheme. Oh, don't want to be vilified by all of humanity?
Then I suppose you'll have to join the rest of us and do a little bit of work. Unfortunately this multi-part series is about maximizing your money and minimizing your work... not eliminating work all together. If that were possible I wouldn't be blogging from my office. I'd be blogging from the Bahamas.
So in the spirit of "nutting up" and accomplishing something Part 4 is called:
- It's not just wallpaper... It's also a meal ticket -
It doesn't really matter what you want to do with your life. I recommend getting a degree, be it high-school, college, or anything in between. Most people don't use their degree but it isn't about how useful American History will be to you when you are driving a cab, or how important College Calculus is when you are the manager of a hotel. It's about maximizing choices. If you want to work less and get paid more you want to be able to have as many choices as possible and for every degree you achieve the more choices (or options) will be at your disposal. The choices could be anything.
Perhaps you want to become a manager. Maybe you want to change careers. Unlike me you may actually want to be something specific when you grow up. A degree is the first step to having these options at your disposal. In this day and age a college degree can feel like a must and in many professional fields it is. Hell, you still don't have to know what you want to do when you grow up. I can't tell you the disparity in college degree disciplines amongst my co-workers and we all do the EXACT same job.
Equally important is the asinine perception that the more degrees you have, the more you are worth... and therefore are compensated accordingly. Of course this is relative to the field in which you work but, by in large, the people with paper on the wall have more paper in their bank account.
Of course it isn't all about money. A degree can give you credibility and some breathing room in your work. Say you slack off a little and only do a half-arsed job on a particular project. Perception is 9/10 of reality and you're going to be given some latitude because the boss is going to assume you know what you are doing. Why? The degree is the preconceived evidence that you know what you're doing.
Finally there is the beauty (or curse) of the EXEMPT job. What am I talking about? I'm talking about being salaried. This little perk doesn't have a clock-in and clock-out time. This is why all the dress-shirt types come in late, take long lunches, and leave early for the golf course? They aren't being paid for the number of hours they put in so why put any more than you have to. Of course the double edge on this sword is that when the job must get done, you have to stay late without compensation. Or you could be like The Q and be a salaried employee with overtime. But that's like the Holy Grail of jobs and those don't come along very often.
So that's it for Part 4. It isn't always fun and games and Lord knows I worked my tail off for my education, but I do feel very strongly that while I don't always USE my education in my work it IS the reason why I am able to do what I am doing today... and some days not doing!
1. Be born into old family money. Oh, too late for that?
2. Win the lottery. Oh, not lucky enough for that?
3. Start your own pyramid scheme. Oh, don't want to be vilified by all of humanity?
Then I suppose you'll have to join the rest of us and do a little bit of work. Unfortunately this multi-part series is about maximizing your money and minimizing your work... not eliminating work all together. If that were possible I wouldn't be blogging from my office. I'd be blogging from the Bahamas.
So in the spirit of "nutting up" and accomplishing something Part 4 is called:
- It's not just wallpaper... It's also a meal ticket -
It doesn't really matter what you want to do with your life. I recommend getting a degree, be it high-school, college, or anything in between. Most people don't use their degree but it isn't about how useful American History will be to you when you are driving a cab, or how important College Calculus is when you are the manager of a hotel. It's about maximizing choices. If you want to work less and get paid more you want to be able to have as many choices as possible and for every degree you achieve the more choices (or options) will be at your disposal. The choices could be anything.
Perhaps you want to become a manager. Maybe you want to change careers. Unlike me you may actually want to be something specific when you grow up. A degree is the first step to having these options at your disposal. In this day and age a college degree can feel like a must and in many professional fields it is. Hell, you still don't have to know what you want to do when you grow up. I can't tell you the disparity in college degree disciplines amongst my co-workers and we all do the EXACT same job.
Equally important is the asinine perception that the more degrees you have, the more you are worth... and therefore are compensated accordingly. Of course this is relative to the field in which you work but, by in large, the people with paper on the wall have more paper in their bank account.
Of course it isn't all about money. A degree can give you credibility and some breathing room in your work. Say you slack off a little and only do a half-arsed job on a particular project. Perception is 9/10 of reality and you're going to be given some latitude because the boss is going to assume you know what you are doing. Why? The degree is the preconceived evidence that you know what you're doing.
Finally there is the beauty (or curse) of the EXEMPT job. What am I talking about? I'm talking about being salaried. This little perk doesn't have a clock-in and clock-out time. This is why all the dress-shirt types come in late, take long lunches, and leave early for the golf course? They aren't being paid for the number of hours they put in so why put any more than you have to. Of course the double edge on this sword is that when the job must get done, you have to stay late without compensation. Or you could be like The Q and be a salaried employee with overtime. But that's like the Holy Grail of jobs and those don't come along very often.
So that's it for Part 4. It isn't always fun and games and Lord knows I worked my tail off for my education, but I do feel very strongly that while I don't always USE my education in my work it IS the reason why I am able to do what I am doing today... and some days not doing!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Football time in the city!
Well the 4th annual MOBFL draft is over and I must say that the Sports Donkey Lollipop Buffet has once again crafted a team worthy of pig skin glory! I'm proud to say that the Q and I still reign supreme on draft day. Unfortunately The Tasty Q couldn't make it to the MOBFL draft this year. When I asked him why, he refused to give me a straight answer and only muttered something about an archeologist and a billionaire. Anyway, here is the round by round results of the hard work put forth by our team hence forth referred to as the SDLB.
Round 1 - This was a no brainer. We had the second pick in the draft and while we toyed with the idea of trading up for the number one pick, we decided to not sacrifice anything that wasn't necessary. As part owner and Q's proxy, I drafted Steven Jackson, Running Back extraordinaire. He will put up some monster numbers and with points per reception now being added to the scoring system, we have the secret weapon that others will envy.
Round 2 - Twenty picks had gone by and all of the stud Running Backs were gone. The top flight Quarterback was taken early in Round 1 and the run on QBs had begun. But the choice wasn't easy. After this next pick, a single owner would have the benefit of picking twice before I could pick again in Round 3. Should I draft the next best QB on the board or should I grab the best RB still available? I decided that value at RB was beginning to get murky but there was still a clear choice on the best QB available. I drafted Drew Brees feeling that he was next in line to those that went before him, such as Palmer, Manning, and Brady.
Round 3 - My choice was the correct one as the before mentioned owner drafted the touchdown machine: Marion Barber as well as Donovan McNabb. Barber's a nice pick but others can perform equally. On the other hand, the QB tier drops after Brees and McNabb is no Brees. I feel that had I waited on Brees he would not have been there. Now I look for the best clear RB starter available and it is Brandon Jacobs of the NYG.
Round 4 - Copious amounts of top flight wide outs go in this round and I am not surprised that few are left. There is still one undeniable stud and I take Javon Walker and pray that his QB doesn't meltdown.
Round 5 - Running Backs are looking terrible now so I draft another unequivocal starter and am thankful that what may be left are all teams that run RB's by committee. I take Caddilac and don't look back.
Round 6 - With only one wide out on my team it's clear where I need to go next and due to my dedication in picking quality RBs I'm getting nervous. Time to look for a #1 WR on a winning team. Darrell Jackson was already taken but he's now in San Fran. His Seattle replacement is available and I take Deion Branch.
Round 7 - We had some piss poor running last year and I'm determined to pull out all the stops. With some really great RB's secured I feel it is still not enough. I see one unequivocal starter still available and while he plays for the crappy Oakland Raiders, he's showed brilliance in the past. I draft LaMont Jordan and hope for a little "return to glory" action.
Round 8 - I can't believe a kicker hasn't been drafted yet. Most people discount their value but someone always beats me to the best one. Not this year. I break the kicker seal and draft Adam Vinatieri.
Round 9 - With my RB core filled out and a good stable of WR locked up I return my attention to QB. Brees is a young stud who should play well but a sold back-up is always good. Better yet, how about another super-power young QB. I draft Jake Delhomme and am surprised he is still available.
Round 10 - I'm making a run on WR's now and I see another go-to guy in Jacksonville. I draft Matt Jones
Round 11 - Things are still looking bleak in Wide Receiver territory and the RB situation is even worse. So I snag a possible emerging star and tandem wide out to my Drew Brees in Devery Henderson, the #2 WR in New Orleans.
Round 12 - I look back and I am pleased with my work. The last time I felt such calm and lack of hurriedness was when I took my team to the fantasy Superbowl. Could this year see more of the same? With a back-up kicker like Olindo Mare, I can't imagine any other outcome.
Round 13 - I never draft a defense this early but things feel pretty good amongst my other positions and a solid Defense is still available. I draft the Jags.
Round 14 - With arguably one of the best RB cores in this draft, I have flexibility to take a risk. I draft A. Peterson from Chicago as a back-up RB with a chance at greatness.
Round 15 - Is usually garbage time. But there is actually still a go-to WR for his team available. Granted, it's the Raiders (and I never thought I would draft two Raiders) but he's a number one and I'm not sacrificing much value taking him as my last pick. Welcome to the SDLB, Jerry Porter.
That's it. You read it here first. Now only fortune and glory remain to be achieved!
P.S. I don't want to hear shit about the spelling of names. I don't give a hairy rats ass.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Stepping up to the plate
I took my eldest to the water park this weekend. He still hasn't learned to swim yet but we are working on it. He loves the water, so after getting tired of the kiddie pool I (like the great dad that I am) carry my son on my hip through the deep water, down the "lazy river", over to the giant floating buoy, and generally all over the damn place. There are countless kids at a similar skill level being carted around by a parent. Occasionally you see a child with a parent that decided a life-jacket is a sufficient parenting tool, allowing them to sit in the shade near the cabana.
I used to be a lifeguard in high school so I can speak from experience when I say that it is shocking how little care some parents show for their children when they know the child is unable to swim. I also know how hard it is to keep a vigilant eye on all the craziness that goes on in the water when you are one of only a handful of guards on duty.
It was a blistering hot Sunday afternoon, which means you find many more parents keeping to the shade and trusting their children with more responsibility then they can usually handle. I had just exited the "lazy river" with my son in tow. I noticed that there was a verbal altercation between some young boys in the deep water. The lifeguard was distracted by this scene and that's when you can get yourself into trouble. Just as I was being reminded of the good old days at the city pool I notice a small boy (no older than my own son) drift between two crowds of kids. He had a life-jacket on but it was too loose and his head was bobbing in and out of the water. He was screaming but he couldn't make any sound because of all the water he was swallowing.
I was a few feet away and it was clear that nobody noticed what was going on. In retrospect, I probably should have called the attention of the guard on duty but instincts kicked in the likes of which I hadn't felt in years. I took two large strides and reached out, snatching the boy up in my arms, and pulling his body out of the water. Luckily he was still very lucid and he was more thankful for the rescue than afraid of being grabbed by a stranger. With my son in one arm and the young boy in the other, I asked him where his parents were and he pointed in the direction of the kiddie pool area. A few seconds later we found his grandmother. I doubt she even realized how much danger her child was in. The boy was surprisingly grateful for his age... probably a testament to how terrified he was at the time.
I'm very proud of my son too, because he took it all in stride and actually said "Yeah, Daddy!" when it was all over.
I must admit though, that above all other things I did manage to get one mystery answered. You see, I quit life guarding before Baywatch hit cable. I always wondered if (following that show) lifeguards would hear that theme song playing in their heads as they save lives. You know what? We do!
I used to be a lifeguard in high school so I can speak from experience when I say that it is shocking how little care some parents show for their children when they know the child is unable to swim. I also know how hard it is to keep a vigilant eye on all the craziness that goes on in the water when you are one of only a handful of guards on duty.
It was a blistering hot Sunday afternoon, which means you find many more parents keeping to the shade and trusting their children with more responsibility then they can usually handle. I had just exited the "lazy river" with my son in tow. I noticed that there was a verbal altercation between some young boys in the deep water. The lifeguard was distracted by this scene and that's when you can get yourself into trouble. Just as I was being reminded of the good old days at the city pool I notice a small boy (no older than my own son) drift between two crowds of kids. He had a life-jacket on but it was too loose and his head was bobbing in and out of the water. He was screaming but he couldn't make any sound because of all the water he was swallowing.
I was a few feet away and it was clear that nobody noticed what was going on. In retrospect, I probably should have called the attention of the guard on duty but instincts kicked in the likes of which I hadn't felt in years. I took two large strides and reached out, snatching the boy up in my arms, and pulling his body out of the water. Luckily he was still very lucid and he was more thankful for the rescue than afraid of being grabbed by a stranger. With my son in one arm and the young boy in the other, I asked him where his parents were and he pointed in the direction of the kiddie pool area. A few seconds later we found his grandmother. I doubt she even realized how much danger her child was in. The boy was surprisingly grateful for his age... probably a testament to how terrified he was at the time.
I'm very proud of my son too, because he took it all in stride and actually said "Yeah, Daddy!" when it was all over.
I must admit though, that above all other things I did manage to get one mystery answered. You see, I quit life guarding before Baywatch hit cable. I always wondered if (following that show) lifeguards would hear that theme song playing in their heads as they save lives. You know what? We do!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I think I'm in love!
We met on my last trip to SoTex. The first thing I noticed was her soft and sexy voice, but that is just the beginning. She's really great. She expresses genuine concern for my well-being and always encourages me to buckle-up when I'm behind the wheel. She's great with directions and when we go out I can always count on her picking a really good restaurant! What's really nice is she doesn't ask me tedious questions about how my work day went or anything like that. Okay, she can be a little cold at times and she doesn't like to talk about anything other than food, hotels, and shopping centers so it looks like she may be a little materialistic, but I think it's a small price to pay for the perfect partner!
The thing is, I don't think I can keep this relationship from my family. In fact I'm so enthralled I think I'm going to introduce her to the wife and kids when we go to California for the Thanksgiving holiday. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself but I'll let you be the judge. Here is a picture. What do you think?
Global Positioning System
The thing is, I don't think I can keep this relationship from my family. In fact I'm so enthralled I think I'm going to introduce her to the wife and kids when we go to California for the Thanksgiving holiday. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself but I'll let you be the judge. Here is a picture. What do you think?
Global Positioning System
Monday, August 06, 2007
Dream a Little Dream
I awoke this morning foggy headed and disoriented, not because of the fifth of Jack I drank last night while watching re-runs of Hawaii Five-O, but of the bizarre dream I had after falling asleep.
The dream started with an all too familiar opening sequence: Two members of The Crotch Wizards fighting over who gets shot-gun. In this case Dagromm was driving and The Q and I were arguing over who called it first. Gyuss was content with chuckling over the argument and chiming in a few inflammatory remarks here and there. The first thing that tipped me off that I was dreaming was that Dags wasn't driving his 1986 Ford Escort but a tricked out Cadillac Escalade.
We eventually headed for a black-tie dinner celebrating excellence in video game play. Apparently Q was being recognized for a lifetime achievement award. The funny thing was that none of us were wearing tuxedos. As might be expected, I was the best dressed in a burgundy coat with brown corduroy pants and paisley tie. Dags was wearing a Fila jersey, Gyuss was wearing a pair of mechanic's overalls, and the man of the hour was dressed like Thelma from Scooby Do.
Shortly after entering the main dinning hall for dinner, I found myself being "chatted up" by none other than Maureen McCormick, formerly Marsha from the Brady Bunch. It was obvious that she was diggin' what I was bringgin' so I played along for a little while. Eventually I had to cast her aside because nature called.
After draining the lizard I returned to the dinning room to find that two of my closest high school friends had purchased a table at the event. We visited for some time and I planned to ditch the rest of The Quad but my two old friends were about to leave the party and go to the gym. They told me they had a pretty serious work-out regime and today was the day they were to exercise their glutes.
Feeling a little uncomfortable, I ditched them and looked around to see if Q had received his award yet. Much to my surprise the night had wained and the event was already over. I began to worry that The Crotch Team left without me. They can be a jealous lot and I was afraid they may of spotted me with either Maureen or my old high school friends. I exited the dinning hall and found myself in Time Square. There was some news coverage that Dags, G, and Q had finally been arrested for crimes against humanity and I was watching it all unfold on screen. The funny thing is I worried more about finding a way home than what was to happen to my dear friends behind bars when they met their bunk mates.
Luckily my father showed up and offered me a ride home. He said that my mother had been worried sick about me because it was getting late I hadn't called home. We then decided to stop by the old creek, near my childhood home, to catch a few rainbow trout before heading back for ice cream.
Weird huh?
The dream started with an all too familiar opening sequence: Two members of The Crotch Wizards fighting over who gets shot-gun. In this case Dagromm was driving and The Q and I were arguing over who called it first. Gyuss was content with chuckling over the argument and chiming in a few inflammatory remarks here and there. The first thing that tipped me off that I was dreaming was that Dags wasn't driving his 1986 Ford Escort but a tricked out Cadillac Escalade.
We eventually headed for a black-tie dinner celebrating excellence in video game play. Apparently Q was being recognized for a lifetime achievement award. The funny thing was that none of us were wearing tuxedos. As might be expected, I was the best dressed in a burgundy coat with brown corduroy pants and paisley tie. Dags was wearing a Fila jersey, Gyuss was wearing a pair of mechanic's overalls, and the man of the hour was dressed like Thelma from Scooby Do.
Shortly after entering the main dinning hall for dinner, I found myself being "chatted up" by none other than Maureen McCormick, formerly Marsha from the Brady Bunch. It was obvious that she was diggin' what I was bringgin' so I played along for a little while. Eventually I had to cast her aside because nature called.After draining the lizard I returned to the dinning room to find that two of my closest high school friends had purchased a table at the event. We visited for some time and I planned to ditch the rest of The Quad but my two old friends were about to leave the party and go to the gym. They told me they had a pretty serious work-out regime and today was the day they were to exercise their glutes.
Feeling a little uncomfortable, I ditched them and looked around to see if Q had received his award yet. Much to my surprise the night had wained and the event was already over. I began to worry that The Crotch Team left without me. They can be a jealous lot and I was afraid they may of spotted me with either Maureen or my old high school friends. I exited the dinning hall and found myself in Time Square. There was some news coverage that Dags, G, and Q had finally been arrested for crimes against humanity and I was watching it all unfold on screen. The funny thing is I worried more about finding a way home than what was to happen to my dear friends behind bars when they met their bunk mates.
Luckily my father showed up and offered me a ride home. He said that my mother had been worried sick about me because it was getting late I hadn't called home. We then decided to stop by the old creek, near my childhood home, to catch a few rainbow trout before heading back for ice cream.Weird huh?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
George Lucas, eat your heart out!
When Mrs. Cyber and I had our second child I was commenting to a friend at how similar Lil' Higgins looked as a newborn to Lil' Magnum as a newborn. My friend said that they had a like experience with their two boys but that their second son started to have his own distinct look at about three months old.
Lil Higgins turned five months yesterday and I happened to notice that he still looks shockingly similar to Lil' Magnum's five month old pictures. See attached evidence. I'm beginning to think that my wife and I have the unique ability to simply make clone babies!
Lil' Magnum
Lil' Higgins
Lil Higgins turned five months yesterday and I happened to notice that he still looks shockingly similar to Lil' Magnum's five month old pictures. See attached evidence. I'm beginning to think that my wife and I have the unique ability to simply make clone babies!
Lil' Magnum
Lil' Higgins
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