The Few - The Proud - The Furry!

Hello, Blog-Country. It's been too long since our last visit. I promise to try harder in the future. Life and work have just conspired against our desire to be together! Oh well... at least we can enjoy the occasional blog-post.

This one is certainly worth dropping everything and sharing. As a father of two little boys who still enjoy sleeping with their favorite stuffed animal, this touched me, as both a parent, and an avid sci-fantasy aficionado. Perhaps my son's favorite stuffed pet, Buster, bravely guards his bed every night from the rabid beasts that lurk in the dark shadows.

Regardless of what really goes on while we blissfully slumber, it is this peace of mind that all children should have when they sleep soundly in their beds. If Buster provides that for my son, he most assuredly deserves knighthood for protecting my family!

I love my TV

I love my new TV. I still love it even though I had to send it in for repairs recently. It's one of the more expensive pieces of property I own in my home. It requires tender loving care and no small amount of respect. Because Lord knows, she returns that show of love and respect in kind with hours of sweet delicious high-definition goodness.

But I am beginning to fear that I may be losing perspective. Last night I was sitting in my living room basking in her warm glow when my wife came over and sat down next to me.

"What's on TV?" she asked me.

My response was, "Dust."

I was lucky to get out with only one black eye.

They grow up so fast...

The Cyber Clan was sitting around the dinner table last night and I asked my 4 year old son what he did at school the other day. The following conversation ensued.

Lil' Magnum: I made animal noises at a girl today, Daddy.

Me: What did you do?

Lil' Magnum: Growl, Squawk, Neigh, Quack! Like that.

Me: What's her name?

Lil' Magnum: I don't know her name. She has a pink bow on her head.

Me: Is she in your class?

Lil' Magnum: No, I saw her in the lunch room.

Me: Is she pretty?

Lil' Magnum: No! (he says in a defensive tone)

Me: You should introduce yourself.

Lil' Magnum: What!?!

Me: Yes - Next time you see her just go up and say, "Hello, my name is Lil' Magnum. What's your name?"

Lil' Magnum: Baaah!! I can't do that!

Me: Why not?

Lil' Magnum: She thinks I'm a monster. She runs away.

Me: That's because you're not talking to her. Try talking instead of making animal noises.

Lil' Magnum: Nah...

Me: Oh... I see. So what do you plan to do the next time you see her?

(My son sits and ponders his options for a few seconds before responding)

Lil' Magnum: I'll show her my trick (He then stands up on his chair and sucks his belly in so deep that you can count each of his ribs individually)

Me: That's my boy.

Indiana Dad

You never know what to expect from children. I was up early this morning with Lil' Higgins and we were watching one of the morning shows on TV. Then, in the middle of his bottle, he sat up and yelled "Pup-pup!" and pointed at the television. I scanned the entertainment center. Perhaps my wife left one of his stuffed puppy-dogs on top of it. No, and there was no puppy on the program. So I carried Lil' Higgins over to where he was pointing. He was pointing at the program and he wasn't saying "Pup-pup". He was saying "Papa" - the term of endearment the kids use for my dad... their granddad.


It happened to be a case of mistaken identity because Diane Sawyer was interviewing none other than Harrison Ford.


That's awesome! So if my dad is Harrison Ford from Indiana Jones, I guess that makes me... Shia Leboeuf... damn it! Wait a minute... I guess I didn't think that out completely.

The Benefit of Cigarettes

Perhaps the Marlboro Man didn't necessarily enjoy "tasting the adventure". Perhaps he only tolerated "Flavor Country". I'm guessing Mr. Marlboro simply had a severe allergic reaction to bees and wasps.

Yesterday evening the family was playing in the back yard together. While we were outside Lil' Higgins got stung by a bee. You could tell because he started screaming bloody murder out of the blue. We scooped him up and scanned for stingers. We found one on the tip of his finger and it was beginning to swell up and turn bright red. While Mrs. Cyber was in the kitchen getting ice I ran to the first aid kit and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.

"Do you really think that will help?" she asked me. She had heard the tale from my youth. I was stung by several bees during a summer job. One of my coworkers was a chain smoker and he said, "Just slap some nicotine on it. It'll suck that poison right out!" After I paused for a second to take in the absurdity of that comment he had already whipped out a cigarette, broken it in half, slapped it on my arm and covered it with a band-aid. What followed was the most bizarre feeling. I could literally feel the poison being drawn out of my body. It was as if the nicotine was a super sponge. Within a few minutes it was as if I hadn't been stung at all.

My response to my wife was, "Of course it will work!" I quickly followed the instructions I had been given seventeen years ago. I then sat and waited and hoped that my memory hadn't played tricks on me. I am happy to say that this home remedy works like a charm! Within half an hour Lil' Higgins was right as rain. I'm proud to say we keep a pack of Marlboro regulars in our home!

NBA eyes the Cyber Family

I am filled with pride as I address the media, blog country, and all NBA fans. Mrs. Cyber and I have weighed all the options and we are excited to announce that our son, Lil' Higgins will become NBA draft eligible this year. This of course will clear the way for him to become the number 1 pick overall in the draft. It was a difficult decision but you have to take these opportunities when they are in front of you. Of course we all know about him as a player. The great ball handling skills, knowledge of the game, and overall athleticism. But do you know about Lil' Higgins the toddler? He has a great courtside presence, and his leadership skills are unquestioned. He'll be a great addition to any team and will likely be the cornerstone around the franchise. My son will not be taking questions at this time as he only knows how to say the words "Apple" "Mommy" and "Dog". But I can tell you as his father, manager, and publicist, he is excited about the challenge. Finally, you can all anticipate a follow-up press conference as I finalize negotiations for endorsement contracts with Adidas, Gatorade, and Pampers. That will be all, thank you and goodnight.

Meandering Conversation

Have you ever had one of those circuitous conversations with a family member? It can be truely bizarre where those discussions can take you. This is a conversation I had with my sister while sitting at my desk during my lunch hour.

Ring Ring Ring

Me: Hello

Sis: Hey, Brother. How are you?

Me: Good, I'm just sitting here havig some lunch and surfing the net.

Sis: Really, what are you surfing?

Me: First off, never ask a man what he's surfing. Second, I'm checking out my old Yahoo Music radio station. I hadn't logged-on in over a year.

Sis: Point taken.

Me: Did you know that you can now watch music videos on Yahoo music?

Sis: No.

Me: Yeah, it's pretty cool. You learn something new everyday. Like take for example that Fergie song, Girls Don't Cry. I had no idea that the star of Heroes plays her boyfriend in the video. That's weird casting isn't it?

Sis: Who's Fergie?

Me: Come on, don't tell me you don't know Fergie. Being a new mom really does isolate you! Do I have to teach you everything?

Sis: Seriously. I don't know.

Me: You know... she used to be a part of the band The Black Eyed Peas. Now she's gone out on her own.

Sis: Oh yeah, she was on Oprah the other day. Actually, I think I may have known about Fergie longer than you.

Me: What do you mean?

Sis: I'll send you a link to YouTube so you can see for yourself.



Me: *Long Pause* Dear Lord... I had no idea...

Children's Television Potpourri

All parents know the familiar love-hate relationship you have with television programming for kids. On one hand it can be a useful educational tool, teaching your children about sharing, caring, and other important life lessons. On the other hand it is more often then not a vacuous, empty, repository, for meaningless junk that will rot your child's brain all the while teaching your children that they will die without the latest toy, gizmo, or junk food snack. And even though the later is more often the case than the former, we as parents find ourselves allowing the impressionable minds of our dear children to be influenced by everything from the sublime to the ridiculous. The main reason being that despite its drawbacks, the respite that we parents need to do other things around the house would be impossible without the help of the electric glow of television. With both my boys being sick this last week we had an extra dose of TV-time and this is what I learned about my son's viewing habits.

Zaboomafoo



I learned that a kids show about animals can kick-ass. This is actually a decent program. Every episode children learn about different animals, where they live, what they eat, and a multitude of other interesting facts. The Kratt Brothers host the program along side their adorable leaping lemur pal, Zaboomafoo. The brothers aren't to terribly annoying and Zaboo is actually a tolerable puppet character. All in all I give this show two thumbs way up!

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperfoce Go



I learned that programing for kids ages 6-12 years old is going to rock. My son isn't old enough to appreciate these types of shows yet but I can hardly wait. I mean who wouldn't love a show that has the word Hyperforce in the title... and the word Monkey... and Robot... and Super... and Go! I watched just a few minutes of this show late one afternoon while the boys were taking there naps. Good stuff.

LazyTown



Finally, I learned that for every good wholesome piece of programming there is it's antithesis - its ying to the other's yang. I don't know where my son first noticed the show LazyTown. I think it was on the Nick Jr. website. All I can think to say is... what the F-ing hell? I'm not sure how to describe this show. Weird beyond measure... like Captain Kangaroo on acid and steroids... like... like... well, just see for yourself.

The Reason for the Season

It's been a busy holiday season. My office conducts more business in the months of November and December than the entire rest of the year combined, so you can imagine every minute counts. Consequently, the blog has suffered. But we always have to remind ourselves why we do what we do. Why do I put in long hours of travel with nights away from family? Why do I work so hard that even the blog goes without attention? When I look at some of my all time favorite family pictures, I am reminded. Because at the end of the day, nothing is more important than knowing that I have worked my hardest to provide the ones I love with everything they deserve.

Me and Lil' Magnum Playing Superman


Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Magnum at the Halloween Carnival 2006


A Quiet Moment Between Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins


Me, Lil' Higgins, and Lil' Magnum at Home


Me and Lil' Higgins


Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Higgins at Disneyland


Lil' Higgins in his Turkey Day Outfit



MERRY CHRISTMAS BLOG COUNTRY!

Thanksgiving Report Card

Well, it was one hell of a Thanksgiving. We got off to a rockin' start, making it to the airport with ten whole minutes to spare before our plane boarded. I actually had time to take Lil' Magnum to tinkle before leaving, the only problem is that he ran out of the bathroom without holding my hand and almost got his clock cleaned by one of those lazy person shuttles that drive around the terminal. Damn lazy people! Magnum got a stern talking to for that one.

The flight went rather well with only a few minor outbursts by Lil' Higgins, who (being only 8 months old) didn't understand how to handle the ear pain that comes with pressure changes. After landing, we waiting in baggage claim for an inordinately long amount of time but that was off-set by the fact that I spotted the minor celebrity, Shannon Elizabeth. All in all I give the airport and flight experience an A-.



After arriving at my cousin's pad I began to feel like real donkey crap. Low energy, aches, pains, etc. etc. Up to this point we believed our kids had minor colds but if they gave me something, it was much worse because I came down with a massive fever and spent the next 14 hours in bed trying to rest up for the planned day trip to Disneyland. All in all I give the afternoon of being sick a C+. Sleeping for 14 hours rocked but I felt terrible.

Luckily my illness was either massive dehydration, body fatigue, or a 24 hour flu, because I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and ready for Disney. We took our boys to the park and my oldest had a blast. We had a few hick-ups along the way but overall it was great fun. We didn't get to ride as many rides as we would have liked due to the fact that moving around with a stroller and two little ones just takes time. I give Disneyland a B-.



Thanksgiving Day was a complete beat-down. To be honest the Dallas and Green Bay games were the best part about the day. Had I known about the Indy game I might have given Thursday a better grade, but I missed that game. The food was okay, but the kids were in rare form. They must have been overly tired (from the day before) because Mrs. Cyber and I didn't really get to enjoy much turkey or stuffing. We dealt with bratty behavior all day. Overall I give Turkey Day a D-.

Friday was extra special because my cousin provided tickets to the Broadway musical Wicked! Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't been to a musical in years sot we jumped at the chance to abandon the boys and go out for an adult evening. The musical rocked, although it wasn't the best I had seen and I only feel a little gay confessing this so I give Wicked and Friday an A-.



Finally the trip back was okay... only that we didn't get home until 9pm on Saturday. The boys were trashed and went to be immediately but Mrs. Cyber had to go out and get the dog that night. Overall the flight home went well except for the liter of ginger ale in my lap. I give the travel day a C.

So my total grad for the trip is a C+. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with kids under the age of 4.

Rock me!

Panic

I woke up this morning with the realization that I am about to board a five hour flight tomorrow from Cybertown, U.S.A. to Los Angeles with my wife, two sons who both have head colds, and my parents.

I myself have recently strained my left wrist for some unknown reason, although my doctor tells me it was from over-use... whatever that means. I'm checking two car seats, a double stroller, and enough bags of clothes, toys, and various miscellaneous items to stock a large department store!

I am insane.

Look Out! It's an Origin Story!!

I know Blog Country has wondered for years now how my off-spring came by their inter-web monikers of Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins. Some may believe it was random choice. Others might assume some secret code for a specific personality trait. I stand before you today to reveal the awful truth. Like the name of CyberD, their web-names were born out of a Quad moment.

It was the spring of 2004 when Dagromm, the illustrious Q, and I gathered for lunch at our favorite little whole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. As usual I ordered enchiladas and a glass of ice (as I always bring my own soda to the table). Q and Dagromm rolled their eyes at my B.Y.O.B policy before ordering fajitas for two and a single milk shake and one curly straw.

As I finished my tasty plate of spicy enchiladas and the Q and Dags teased each other over the last strip of Mexican beef, the conversation turned to the upcoming birth of my fist son. At the time Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't decided on his name so Q and Dags pushed hard for something suitably manly for a Quad off-spring. Dags warned me about naming my son something like Ashley or Leonard, lest he be the object of bully-hatred his entire life. I then jokingly said that not all children can grow up to be bad ass like Tom Sellek. Q than asked if I was referring to Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck or Quigley Down Under Tom Selleck because the Quigley Sellek was a little gay.

Dags immediately chimed in with the bombastic opinion that I name my son Magnum. Specifically Magnum Philonious Ignatius or Magnum P.I. for short. I reminded them that if I insisted on such a name, my wife would likely shoot me in the face while I slept. But they decided that my decision didn't matter. My first born child would always be Lil' Magnum to them. As you can see in the photo, Dags was never more serious. He gave Lil' Mag this shirt the day he was born. My son has now fully embraced the persona and occasionally tests the quality and thickness of his ongoing mustache like in this picture.

The Quad tips our hat to you, Lil' Magnum!

I need a hero!

Okay, so you'll never guess what happened on Tuesday. I walk out of my office on the one year anniversary of my first day at this job and I notice a campus police officer taking a statement from a student who had her car window shattered. Apparently there were some break-ins in the parking lot that my office shares with student parking. Then I notice a strip of metal on the outside of my driver's side door had been pulled out. It was bent and sticking out at an odd angle. It looked as if the hoodlums attempted to break into my car as well.

Luckily they didn't gain entry so I guess I have that going for me, but my deductible on this type of thing is $250 so that sucks. The most shocking thing is that both my car and the student's car had this happen to them in the middle of the afternoon. And this is a very busy parking lot. Lots of students and staff are constantly walking through it to go from one end of campus to the other.

I have to say I kept a surprisingly level head about the whole thing. Maybe it's because I was just thankful to not be the girl with the shattered window. Maybe it's because I hadn't started drinking yet that day. Still, I have to say things like this make you wish for justice. Luckily I came home to find my son ready to spring in to action. After he learned what happened to my vehicle he and the family dog were ready to help. God love 'em.

Insecure - He Is Not

We're potty training Lil' Magnum right now. He just turned three last month and he's doing a really great job. Actually, I'm pleasantly surprised by how well it's going. The first week was a real struggle because we basically went from diapers to underwear overnight so he had to adjust quickly. But now he's "going potty" on a regular basis and we haven't had an accident in the last ten days.

Of course being in school has helped as well. His teachers are great about helping the kids who are in the middle of potty training. Additionally, the children that are further along in the process are a great influence on those that lag behind. However, I must admit that there is one unexpected side-effect to his being in school with a bunch of other kids who are all in the throws of their own individual potty training.

A few days ago my wife and I took my son to the bathroom because he needed to go "pee-pee". We did the regular routine of lifting the seat and taking off his shorts and underwear. But then the strangest thing happened. He grabbed himself with both hands, aimed for the toilet, let fly, and yelled at the top of his lungs:

"KA-BOOM!"

This completely unnerved my wife but made me laugh out load. His entire future flashed before my eyes and I saw my son standing on a keg in the middle of a college party with a bra on his head yelling those same words before unleashing upon a throng of other students.

I was yanked back to reality by Mrs. Cyber asking me if I had taught him that word. My response was, "No, but I wish I had."

What is wrong with me?

I'm often reminded of my child's innocent nature when he invariably throws down a phrase that makes my inner-junior-high-self chuckle. My son got some new toys for his 3rd birthday this weekend.

He has now reached the stage where he is no longer content to just bang a stick against a wall or roll balls across the floor. He is practicing pretend play so horses have to chase each other around the house and super heroes are always in the business of saving other toys from their troubles.

Yesterday his new Superman and Wonder Woman action figures were bravely swooping down onto the breakfast table and lifting a various assortment of wildlife animals onto their backs, saving them from a deadly fire!

In this particular case my son wanted to make it clear to me which animal belonged to each superhero. The following conversation ensued:

Lil' Magnum: We got to save the animals, Daddy!

Me: Okay, son. Which animals should we save first?

Lil' Magnum: This is Superman's Rhino, Daddy!

Me: Wow, Superman saved a rhinoceros. That's great!

Lil' Magnum: This is Wonder Woman's Beaver!

Me: (Very long pause attempting to hold back my hysteria) That's... great... son. I'm glad Wonder Woman saved her beaver.


I'm a terrible father.

George Lucas, eat your heart out!

When Mrs. Cyber and I had our second child I was commenting to a friend at how similar Lil' Higgins looked as a newborn to Lil' Magnum as a newborn. My friend said that they had a like experience with their two boys but that their second son started to have his own distinct look at about three months old.

Lil Higgins turned five months yesterday and I happened to notice that he still looks shockingly similar to Lil' Magnum's five month old pictures. See attached evidence. I'm beginning to think that my wife and I have the unique ability to simply make clone babies!

Lil' Magnum


Lil' Higgins

Harry Potter Secrets Revealed!

I'm no Dagromm, but I am a Potter fan. I started late and read the books fairly quickly to play catch up because Dags was gracious enough to let me borrow his copies. Since I've caught up I haven't had the luxury or reading them ASAP.

When the Order of the Phoenix was coming out my mother (also a Potter fan) asked me if I was excited about the next release. I told her yes, but that I probably wouldn't read it for a couple of months. Shocked she asked why. Because my friend can't let me borrow it right away. He must read it and then his son wants to read it. As a surprise my mother purchased me a copy from Amazon and has continued to do so with every subsequent purchase, although since she and I haven't discussed the Deathly Hallows in any way shape or form I just assumed that the gesture would not be repeated by simple virtue of the fact that it wouldn't occur to her.

In typical mom fashion, she doesn't forget her past generosity and I find a copy of the latest release in my mailbox on Saturday. I have only had time to read the first few pages but I'm here to tell you that I had no idea that the Death Eaters would meet at the Malfoy estate. I can't wait to see what other surprises await!

Weekend Jams

I have to say that a day at home with the boys is getting more and more fun all the time. Mrs. Cyber had to make some deliveries so it was just me and the cast of Magnum P.I. for the first half of our weekend. While mommy is full of educational learning and organized play, I'm all about random chaos! Consequently the house was a complete wreck but you can better believe that you never saw a more fun filled journey that included dinosaurs, Hot Wheels, water guns, and tonka trucks in your entire life!



Later on the family went to our local water park. This would be my oldest son's first time and we had a blast! He ran around the kiddie pool until he was bored out of his mind. Then we hit the spray tower and shot a few teenagers with water rifles. After that we floated around the main pool on a giant raft. To end the day we hit the lazy river that wasn't very lazy. There were points along the way that bottle-necked and made for a very fast moving stream. My son decided that I was a leather-back sea turtle and he was on a Diego adventure! Needless to say we did that about twenty times.



Mrs. Cyber and I ended the weekend with ice cream and a DVD after the kids were in bed. It was nice to have some quiet time with my lady, but we sacrificed sleep and a clean house to do it. All in all I give the weekend two thumbs up!

I'll give you a head start!

My office is pretty competitive. There are seven people that hold positions like mine and we all do basically the same thing, making it fairly easy to compare, contrast, and "race" each other in our progress towards our individual goals. We are also all new, making it all the more easy to gauge each other equally in terms of progress.

So I was thinking about this little fact as I was driving into work this morning. You see I had an especially challenging weekend, as my wife is getting her home business up and running again, having taken a hiatus for the birth of Lil' Higgins. This was my second weekend where I have basically been on my own with "the boys." Let me tell you, when they are about six and eight years old, it's going to be great to take them to football games, movies, camping, etc. etc. But a two year old and a newborn are hard-ass work. That's not to say that older kids are easier but at least my back will not be breaking in half from carting Lil' Higgins in my arms all morning and giving horse-back rides to Lil' Magnum all afternoon.

I digress... (I do that allot)

Long story - short: I felt like the walking dead last night and I feel just terrible this morning. I'm thinking about this driving into work because most of my co-workers don't have children and none of them have children under the age of four. I couldn't help but be a little envious of all the rest they must have had this weekend, the feeling of being refreshed heading into the office, of getting their week started with a bang - like a race horse right out of the gate! Meanwhile, I'm still getting my saddle on and my jockey is busy puking in the bathroom, attempting to make the weight limit.

God help me I'm tired.

Is there a shrink in the house?

I had an unfortunate dream last night about Lil' Magnum and a school bully. The weird thing... well there are many weird things, but let me start from the top. First off, Lil' Magnum isn't old enough to go to school and has never been the target of a bully to my knowledge.

I think the source of this dream was when Mrs Cyber told me about her outing yesterday with Lil' Magnum. They went to toddler gymnastics and Lil' M was hit in the face with a hula-hoop by accident. She told me this story right before I went to bed so I guess it got me thinking about all the various encounters my children will be forced to have without me there to protect them.

Back to the dream. In this dream Lil' M is in school but he is still only two and half years old. All the kids are running around having a good time and I'm there talking to his teacher about something. I notice Lil' M running by when this big kid that looked about thirteen years old comes up behind him and whacks him on the back with a baseball bat. Lil' M starts to cry and I run to calm him down. The teacher comes to help and I run over and grab the kid. I start chewing him out like nobodies business, and I come as close to threatening the kid within an inch of his life without actually saying anything that would get me thrown in jail. I then ask the kid how old he is and he says,

"I'm four years old."

It is so startling that I wake up. So what the hell was that about? The only time I ever did something remotely similar was when I caught a teenager trying to kick my wife's cat. He nearly crapped his pants after I got finished with him, but that's a story for another time. I have to say, this dream makes me wonder what I am capable of and if I have it in me to just snap if I believed my child's well-being was in danger.

Not a fun dream all the way around.