It's the economy, stupid!

These last few months have had me thinking... thinking really hard. Because I'm a democrat, ya know? I've been one my entire life but I just can't wrap my mind around this whole stimulus package. I understand how building a super highway from Los Angeles to Las Vegas can create jobs and thereby stimulate the economy and I'm in complete support of a universal health care plan, but I couldn't help but agree with John McCain on Meet the Press last Sunday. In fact, I've been saying it for months. It's the small business that is going to save this economy, not government jobs. No don't worry, sports fans. I'm not jumping ship. I still think we can blame the Bush Administration for the lack of regulation that led to robber barons running the banks into the ground. I still blame the republican party for allowing the types of huge tax breaks that lead to larger and larger conglomerates gobbling up small businesses by offering loss-leader price cuts that didn't allow the little guy to compete. I mean I'm Best Buy's biggest fan, but whose the competition anymore? Who does Wal-Mart compete with? Who do Compass, Chase, and Bank of America compete against? Who does Geico and Progressive compete with? What the hell has happened to the mom and pop shop that took care of you? I've spent hours on the phone with Verizon the last 4 months trying like hell to get them to take my debit card and charge me for Internet service. And every month they apologise and say their system will take my debit card this month. Too bad they will not let me pay by check, because I would have done that a long time ago. Only to now have a claims agents send me a FUCKING legal action letter for not paying my bill. So I should stop my Verizon service, right? It's not like Time Warner was any better, or fucking AT&T was any better than that. In fact the best Internet service I had was a dial-up modem telephone line in 1998. They were called Internet Texoma. But you don't find the small mom and pop business anymore. Too bad because if this country is to come back stronger than before, we damn well better make it possible for small privately owned businesses to compete. Damn, it there are days I just want to sell everything and move to a bungalow in the Bahamas!

The Politics Shuffle

I don't know why I care so much this time around. It's not like the Democrats have a chance of taking the 34 electoral votes in Texas. And yet I find myself drawn to the Presidential election now more than ever. Perhaps eight years and two Presidential elections with a man you know to be the wrong person for the job is enough to get anyone interested. But do you know that despite Barack Obama's current comfortable lead in the national polls I find myself still worried?

For years now the Republican Party has been so adept at tapping into the visceral psyche of the American people - coining terms such as "pro-life" and "liberal-commie". It is a vocabulary that appealed to two very large segments of U.S. citizens: Religious fundamentalists and Down-Home-Country-Patriots... to put it kindly. The Republican doctrine spread through the mid-west and deep south like a teenage frenzy at a Jonas Brothers concert. But why? I can understand why the lifestyles of the rich and famous gravitate toward Republican politics. It's in their best interest. In that sense I don't blame them one bit. But why would any middle and lower income families cast their lot in with a party that cares nothing for their well being? I have come to the distinct realization that unfortunately we cannot all be rocket scientists and the Republicans shrewdly capitalized on the common thread that ran between their two newly harvested demographics: A lack of intellect.

I have to admit that up until this race I was a fan of McCain. He has traditionally been a politician who (in his own words) "reaches across the isle" in the face of his own party's agenda. But like any poster-boy for the Republican party, temptation got the better of him. Most notably with his pick of Sarah The Barracuda Palin.

This woman is no more fit to be Vice-President than I am fit to be America's Next Top Model. Once again the GOP insults our intelligence by waltzing out what basically amounts to George W. Bush in heels as the Veep nominee. A candidate that doesn't even understand what the "Bush Doctrine" means. A candidate that is unable to provide a single Judicial ruling other than Roe vs. Wade. A candidate that is currently under investigation for abuse of power in her position as Governor of Alaska. But don't worry, America! She looks great with her hair all done up! Ironically, the move that sickened me the most may well be McCain's undoing - as he gave Palin just enough rope to hang herself in front of Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.

And yet I find myself still worrying that our country's witless will once again prevail, despite all conceivable evidence to the contrary. To this day the Democrats have yet to find an answer to the Big-Mac-Sound-Byte-Newspaper-Headline style propaganda that embodies the Republican platform. This lack of a good come-back is in part due to the complexity of political problems in our society and the difficulty it takes to defend your beliefs when you are on the ropes. This is the position the Democrats have been in for the last 20 years. Sure we had those eight glorious years with a gifted statesmen and philanderer. But he's the exception that proves the rule, isn't he? It has taken an economic crisis of gargantuan proportions and a foreign policy that has made us the laughing stock of the rest of the world for our country to be snapped out if its malaise.

Now it looks as if victory is in sight. But as any blind monkey could predict, it is always darkest before the dawn. The latest coverage of the Republican rallies have been sickening. The McCain-Palin ticket have been playing to their base, which now resembles something between a monster truck rally and a white supremacist convention with spectators screaming for Obama's head, calling him a liar, a Muslim, and a dangerous terrorist. But I learned of the most shocking turn of events on the radio this morning. Apparently McCain was recently "boo-ed" at one of his own rallies. The man who I had respected up until recently finally allowed his ethical standards to get the better of him. As I understand it, he stopped a women from calling Senator Obama a Muslim and terrorist. He corrected her, calling him a family man whom McCain respects. They just differ in their political beliefs. And for this, the right-wing-base of the GOP boo-ed and jeered their candidate for President.

For me it is both a high point and low point in this race. A high point because McCain demonstrated he has the ability to stand up for truth and fairness even in the face of an angry mob. A low point because it saddens me that the convictions of these angry mobs have been allowed to pass as good-old-fashioned-American-patriotism.

And so I wait with eager anticipation, to proudly cast my vote in Texas for Barak Obama, knowing full well that my electoral voters will be giving their votes to McCain on election day. But I do it out of principle. I do it because at the end of the day, it is our single most important right. I do it in support of all those battleground states whose voters will turn the tide of American history.

Pissed Off - Grab Bag

I was standing over the sink last night washing dishes. You know... doing my little part to help out around the house. After a long hard day of bringing home the bacon I also try to clean that same bacon grease out of the pan that night. Anyway, I'm standing over the sink and I get to the part I hate the most. And when I say hate - I really can't understate how vile this is to me. Revulsion is not too strong a word. Loath is actually pretty spot on! I LOATH WOODEN F-ING SPOONS! The shit that get's caked onto those things is like a bond created at an atomic level! I know why you ladies like the wooden spoons for cooking... they don't scratch the pan; they don't conduct heat, blah - blah - blah! But trying to scrub dried egg, dried soup, or any other food filth off of those bloody things is an exercise in futility. I have to resort to using my own damn finger nails and - if I may peel back the curtain just a bit on my own inner psychosis - touching the food stained remains of dirty dishes is the essence of repulsive to me!


How about those stupid ass travel industry counter attendants? Perhaps it’s because I travel so much for my work but I've run across my fair share of these sons a bitches. In fact I had one a few weeks ago down in SoTex. When I travel I keep a tight schedule so I have very little patience for the out of ordinary delay! Anyway, I'm turning in a rental car. It's the end of a VERY long day and my frazzled wife and kids are waiting outside. I hand over the keys for the lady to provide me a receipt for the rental. She starts to tap on her counter key-board. Clickity, clack, clack, clackity, click, click. She pauses for a moment and then goes at it again for about five freakin’ minutes. More Clickity, clack, clack and Clackity, click, click. She stops and frowns before continuing for another impressive sonata. Mind you, she doesn't say a damn thing to me, but I can tell there’s a problem. So I wait and wonder when she's going to admit it. It goes on, and on, and on... until another five minutes go by and I have to say something.

Me: "Is there a problem?"

Lady: "Well I'm having trouble getting our rental out of the hold status."

Me: "How can it be in a hold status, I just rented it?"

Lady: "Well I upgraded you yesterday and I meant to take it off of hold but I couldn't."

Me: "So what about today made you think it would magically work?"

Lady: "Well I guess I just have to call regional and have them do it."

Me: "Do I really need to be here for this."

Lady: "Well, I assume you need a receipt."

Me: "Fax it to me... goodbye."


I have one final story for you today, and this is the pièce de résistance, the coup de grâce if you will. Dear heavenly Lord I almost throttled the woman in front of me in line at my local WalMart last week. I did my best to pick the line that might clear the fastest. It was late and I wanted to get home. As luck would have it there was a middle aged lady in a snappy blue blazer with about twenty items, so I jumped in line behind her. Little did I know she would stop the check-out girl for EVERY DAMN ITEM to inform she had a coupon. But wait! It gets better. You see she didn't have a stack of coupons. She had a stack of magazines. She had to flip through each one, page by page, find the coupon, extend her arms over the counter, without relinquishing the damn coupon, have the checker zap it, before placing the magazine back in her stack. She did this EVERY time! I almost had a fucking aneurism right then and there. But WAIT! It gets even better! Finally the checker rang up the total and this smartly dressed lady pulls out her check book. At this point I am scrutinizing ever move she makes so the fact that she writes the stinking check like it's calligraphy for a wedding invitation forces me to curse her under my breath. She deftly hands over the pristinely written check to the checker only to have the WalMart data base DECLINE the method of payment!!! Wonderful! Whip out that credit card and be done with it, right? Oh no... She proceeds to write another check. The checker objects but the woman insists this is a different method of payment... after all... it's a different damn check!!!!! It is taking every ounce of restraint I have to not knock this woman's block off. The checker stupidly accepts the 2nd check only for it to be declined as well. No shit, Sherlock Holmes! So what does the woman do? She leaves her groceries at the counter and tells her that she will return later with payment.

Dear sweet heavenly baby Jesus! Save me from a damn stroke!

News Flash - Dagromm is a Jerk

These are the last four comments Dagromm has made on my blog:

Dagromm: I don't get this post. Please redo. (commenting on Slogan)

Dagromm: That picture is the second gayest picture that I've ever seen of you. (commenting on Big Fat Super Tuesday)

Dagromm: I saw this like forever ago. I thought about posting it then decided that it was lame just to post video clips. Don't get me wrong it's ok for the W.I.S. and everything, but people expect a little more from the H.O.D. (commenting on Simply Amazing)

Dagromm: I'm not into kids shows that teach them about animals. We live in the F'ing city. My kids aren't growing up to be zoo keepers shoveling elephant crap. I wish there were more shows for kids teaching them how to recognize a zone blitz or how to break down a cover 2. (commenting on Children's Television Potpourii)

Dags and I have known each other for some time so I don't know why I should expect anything different. In fact, his brand of comments are pretty typical for him, I guess it just stands out since he posts so infrequently now but MAN, I'd like to sneak up behind him and give him an atomic wedgie!

Happy and Healthy... It's So EASY!!!

My wife and I are like many other couples in their mid thirties with multiple children. We're strapped for time, money, energy, and sleep. It shouldn't be a surprise that the stresses of life, work, and parenting can take it's toll on the body. We see the aging process occurring live and in living color and nobody likes that. The glorification of youth has never been more present in our culture and I'm not immune to the desire to lose weight, look younger, and remain relevant in a constantly changing society.

So like many others, we occasionally try to turn over a new leaf, be it diet, exercise, or any other multitude of things. But what really sets me off are these articles on the news and talk shows that try to tell you how easy it is to add years to your life, lose fifty pounds, and have limitless energy. It's always just three simple steps isn't it? That's because they teach you in presentations 101 that an audience can't follow anything longer than three steps. The fact of the matter is, it's never that easy!

Let's take last night for example. Mrs. Cyber and I had finally got the kids down for the night around 9pm. We look around at the house and it is a complete wreck. Dishes piling up, toys strewn about everywhere, laundry needing to be done, etc. etc. You get the idea. As we are cleaning we have a popular talk show running on the television in the background. Once again, the host and her guest is tells us about three simple steps that will give us a happy and healthier life. This includes avoiding high fat and high sugar foods. It also includes just thirty minutes of exercise every day. Finally the most important thing is to get more sleep.

You have got to be fucking kidding me!

So you mean to tell me that between the sleepless nights we suffer with our infant, we have to find away to make all our meals at home (to avoid fast food) that then requires us to keep back the avalanche of dirty dishes that comes with eating at home every meal. If that isn't enough we also are expected to fit in thirty minutes of exercise. That requires getting up earlier than usual in order to exercise before the kids awake (or I leave for work) because once the kids are up and at it, it's all about their busy schedule. Finally, and MOST importantly, go to bed early to get more sleep. Screw me sideways! How is all of this possible? You either have to have super-speed or an army of servants to do all the dirty work in your home.

I give up! I'm going to McDonald's!

It is well and truly ON!

It should be known that nobody questions the geek-cred of CyberD at The Wheel. One can scurry off to a dark stinky cave and pretend to know the difference between a Tavloid and a Tavlek, but here at The Wheel we know the score!

When it comes to debating the merits of Star Wars vs. Star Trek, the plot fallacy of a time paradox, or the life-long acting contribution of Warwick Davis, I am here to say that I can pop, drop, and lock it with the best of them!

If the realm of science fiction and fantasy entertainment was a runway than I am a coked up, anorexic, slightly bi-curious supermodel ready to strut her stuff!

Talent or Doo-Doo Pants?

I was talking to Gyuss on the phone the other day and we were commenting on the greatness of the movie Fandango. You can go to The Cave of Gyuss to see a few clips from this masterpiece. On a related note we were speculating if Kevin Costner had even five movies to his credit that would fall into the category of greatness. Even more specifically does he have even one good movie to his credit where he is the singular hero (and not simply a single piece of a larger ensemble cast).


So I now submit to you facts:


The top 5 Costner movies that are considered good but Costner's still crap

5. Tin Cup - There are a few guys that like this movie because they think it's about golf. They could not be more wrong. What it's really about is Kevin's terrible hair-piece and how many times he can say "golly-shucks" with his eyes to Rene Russo.

4. Waterworld - Arguably the only sci-fi credit to his name. This had lots of action, explosions, and Denis Hopper. Well... two out of three ain't bad I suppose, but this dud's worldwide gross barely covered production costs.

3. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - Two words: Accent Coach! Could the man not even try to have an English accent? By this time Costner was in his prime and really mailing it in. What a douche! The only reason this movie has any legs at all is because of the greatness of Alan Rickman.

2. The Bodyguard - Talk about a meteoric rise of one of the greatest singers in pop-music history. At the height of Whitney's popularity this movie burst onto the scene grossing more than $400 million world wide. I think we can all agree that Witney is the first, last, and only reason this movie is half-way good.

1. Dances with Wolves - Winner of 7 Oscars, one being best picture. Costner plays the single solitary lead about an epic tale of write and wrong in the American west. What is there not to love? How about that glaring error in the film when three birds flying over head are identified as geese when in reality there were cranes? What a continuity disaster!


The REAL top 5 Costner movies


5. Bull Durham - Perhaps one of the best baseball movies ever made. While Coster's role is arguably the lead, he still plays more of an ensemble character to the larger story. Great film but not just because of him.

4. The Untouchables - Perhaps one of the best mafia/cop movies ever made. Coster's role is sound but again, he's just one piece of an ensemble cast that includes Sean freakin' Connery.

3. Silverado - Perhaps one of the best cowboy movies ever made. Coster's role is great but he plays the smallest part of a very formidable ensemble cast.

2. Fandango - Perhaps one of the best college buddy movies ever made. Coster's role is one of the best in his career but still only an ensemble role.

1. Field of Dreams - Perhaps THE best baseball movie ever made. And Coster stands alone as the show's focal point and hero. Way to go, Kev!


There you have it, folks. If the measure of greatness is a single piece of work than Coster is up there with the greats, plus he has a few decent films where he plays a critical ensemble role. But time would indicate that this actor does not get better with age... in fact he may be spoiling over time.

Cyber D's Bottom Line: Costner is a Doo-Doo Pants actor.

Please bring your seat to an upright position.

Last year I talked about The Stupid, Crazy, and Selfish. Today I'd like to share one such story about the before mentioned "Selfish".

It was a sunny Thursday afternoon and that meant I was leaving SoTex to head back for my home in NoTex on the lovely Southwest Airlines. I had my work notes in hand and was conscientiously reading them in my lap, as I have learned that the pilot is unable to get the plane off of the tarmac if my tray table is down. Now other members of The Quad poke a little fun at ol' Cyber for being "Mr. Corporate Guy". If that is the case than the gentleman sitting to my right made me look like a Casual Friday All-Star. This guy was the whole package: gold cuff-links, Armani suit, and slicked-back-hair. Of course he had his seat leaned back, his tray table down and his wireless laptop burning up the information super-highway!

It's one thing if you're stupid. I can almost abide the stupid. They don't know how they are supposed to play their part in preparing the plane for departure. But this jerk would actually fold down his laptop screen every time an attendant walked by in an attempt to avoid turning it off.

What an A-hole!

Eventually the hard working young air-hostess was forced to confront the man several times. Eventually he did place his seat in the upright position as well as fold up his tray table. But the guy never turned off his damn computer. Can you imagine the nerve? Everyone could tell that the poor girl was getting really annoyed as she kept walking by to gain his compliance. Eventually the pilot had to stop just short of the runway as the crew confronted the big time businessman as a group.

I'm sure the conversation was a heated one and I wish I had been able to hear, but my ipod volume was up pretty loud. Oh well, at least they finally were able to get that selfish pig to turn off all electronic devices.

You Might Feel A Little Pressure

I did my job. I made my contribution to society. I repopulated the earth with little cyber-tots and now it's time to look towards my own future. A wise man once said that one should never eat steak with cling-wrap around your tongue and I agree with him whole heartedly. But my marriage, my mental-health, and my mutual funds can NOT handle any more cyber-offspring... at least not any that I will acknowledge without DNA testing!

So the time is rapidly approaching where I will make that long slow march to the doctor's office so that he can... disengage the electronic fuel injection... so to speak. We haven't settled on a date yet but it's only a matter of time now. I've made my peace with it. I've consulted others who took the plunge. They didn't claim to have a problem with it. Nevertheless, nothing tightens the sphincter more than the concept of someone assaulting your naughty-bits with a scalpel. You go your whole life avoiding damage to your "commander-in-chief" and now you're expected to just flop it out onto some cold, harsh, linoleum table for some quack doctor to hack it off with a skill saw!!

Holy Christ on a crutch!!! What the hell is wrong with you people? Talk about crushing a man's will to live!!!!

I need a drink.

Somebody needs to be pistol whipped!

I've had it with the local "meteorologist." As if that title gives them some form of additional credentials. I'm sick and tired of tuning into these talking-heads only to see that their predictions are no more accurate than my uncle predicting the outcome of his high school basketball play-offs. Don't you just love it when the morning weather report tells you that there is a 75% chance of precipitation and when you go outside it's already raining? You want to call up Channel 5 and tell the weatherman to open a damn window because you should raise the percentage to 100!

But this isn't the worst of it. More annoying than the bogus weather report is the overly excited EMERGENCY weather report. It turns my stomach to see these yahoos get up and dance around the news-studio barely being able to contain their glee that some poor community is about to get shellacked with a hurricane or tornado or something. They are so excited that they have a reason to be on the air that they forget that peoples lives are in danger. Please contain your misplaced enthusiasm for five freaking minutes. Oh but wait! It doesn't take five minutes to warn people of these weather conditions. I mean how much time do these idiots need to tell you the weather?

And I'm not talking about the major stuff. If you've got a storm coming that's going to go FUBAR on an area than take all the time you need. I'm talking about these little piss-ant storms that may look spooky but ultimately are less harmful to your car than the local drill team washing your SUV for their next fundraiser to Disney World. I can understand if they have to break into the programming of my favorite show for five minutes. I'm also fine with them plastering tickers and Doppler radar all over the screen for the duration of a storm. I can even forgive the big-markets that must warn small towns and city suburbs more than 100 miles from me, even though the sky is so clear where I live that I can see Jupiter with my naked eye. But it doesn't take half-a-damn-hour! Let me demonstrate...

"People of Smallville, Tinytown, and Suburbacon: Run for cover and stay underground for the next three hours. Now back to your regular scheduled programing."

Did I really need to miss all of my show for that? Sweet Holy Baby Jesus Santa! There should be a law against these self-important dil-wads strutting around the screen for God-knows-how-long! Perhaps bodily harm should definitely be an option.

Whewwww! Okay, I'm done. Back to your regular scheduled programing.

Happy VD!

I suppose it is customary to wish everyone you know a happy (insert-holiday). I know I always make it a point to wish practicing Christians a Merry Christmas, and Happy Easter. It's always a safe bet with wishing any American a Happy Thanksgiving, and you can't go wrong wishing all mother's a Happy Mother's Day. Speaking of Mother's Day, this brings up an issue for me and I'll lump Valentine's Day in there as well.

What's the point, other than to sell cards, candy, and flowers? I realize that complaining about the consumerism conspiracy behind such holidays isn't a brand-new hot-sports-opinion but I feel the need to bring it up. Aren't these holidays of appreciation just a business model for Hallmark and Godiva to boost profits? As husbands, fathers, sons, and boy-friends, shouldn't we be appreciating our spouses every day of the year? I know I try to express appreciation to my wife as often as possible. Does one really need mother's day to tell your mom you love her?

I'd say my wife falls in the middle when it comes to the broad spectrum of how women feel about Valentine's Day. She's fairly traditional and sentimental so she always likes to see that I've put out a little thought and effort. Of course every man knows this is the most difficult part. I'm lucky in that she doesn't need, expect, or even want me to demonstrate grand financial gestures, and she is almost always willing to postpone the actual celebration of a special day until later in the month if life gets in the way (that even includes birthdays). Nevertheless, there is something about flowers that always makes her happy.

What is it about spending money on something that one will have nothing to show for in three days? I don't get it. I don't suppose I'm genetically designed to understand why it is important. I guess I just need to know that it IS important.

Car Trouble

Dear Lord in Heaven! My wife is a very smart woman. She started her own business, has a masters degree, raises our child (soon to be children), and reads nothing but non-fiction. Does that not scream intellectual? So what is the deal with the car? We took a road trip to see my parents this weekend and I drove her car for the first time in many months. The car started shaking at high speeds and also shook severely when I hit the brakes. I asked her how long this had been happening and she said, just a couple of months.

A couple of months!?!

A couple of months is a couple of months too long in my book. She said she knew that we should get it fixed but that we were trying to save money and she hoped we could wait until after the holidays.

"That's not going to work," I said. Let's get it checked out. So I took it in today. To top it off, I had to rent a car for the day, skip my early morning Wednesday workout, and the entire process made me three hours late for work. Damn, that was inconvenient.

To add complete insult to injury I got the call from the garage. Brakes and tires for a grand total of $500! Go F-ing figure. I guess what's really eating at me is that my wife and I have exactly three months left of her working before the baby arrives. That's three months to make absolutely as much money as possible so we can pay off as much debt before we have to go into frugal mode. This little trip to the garage just makes that all the more difficult!

The Stupid, Crazy, and Selfish

Walter Cannon first described the "acute stress response" in 1929. The theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system. In layman's terms, an animal has two options when faced with danger. They can either face the threat and "fight" or they can avoid the threat through "flight."

In civilized society it is generally considered acceptable to not return someone's phone-calls rather than punch them in the face if you don't like them. Consequently, (like most people) I have spent my life investing time and energy in people who are good-natured, kind-hearted, and generally enjoyable to be around. Meanwhile, I have spent a relative amount of energy in staying away from those that would be a negative force in my life.

But how does one identify these social predators? How often have we made a friend, acquaintance, or business contact that turns out to be a nightmare relationship? Ideally your radar gets better with age as you learn to identify the tell-tale signs. But first let's meet our three ass-holes that we need to look out for because they are such ass-holes.

The Stupid, The Crazy, and The Selfish. All three are equally destructive yet in very different ways. Let's start with the easiest one to identify.

The Stupid: The stupid are probably the least harmful of the three groups. After all, it's not entirely their fault that they are stupid. Some of it is inherited. If you are friends with a stupid person you are either very unlucky or stupid yourself. Stupid people are the ones that drive slow in the fast-lane, park outside the parking lines in a parking-lot, or attempt to buy 100 items and use the express check-out line. However, stupid behavior of complete strangers is really more of a minor annoyance. When you let stupid people into your life, it can become more hazardous. Like that friend who borrows your favorite book or DVD and then loses it. What about that neighbor who agrees to feed your dog while you are on a two-week vacation, but then decides (while you are gone) to take a weekend trip of their own, leaving your precious pet to fend for itself? But the worst is the co-worker who manages to make rocket science out of the simplest tasks - making your job all the more difficult and taxing. The good news is that The Stupid are the easiest to pick out in a crowd. They are usually the ones with the vacant expression or look of helplessness plastered across their faces. So keep your eyes open for stupid behavior and steer clear of these morons.

The Crazy: The crazy are definitely more dangerous than the stupid. They are also more difficult to spot. Often times crazy people can come in the form of your local PTA leader, your pharmacist, or even your wife's brother's girlfriend. If you are friends with a crazy person... It's not your fault. Many have been duped by the glossy front that a "Crazy" is able to manifest during the early stages of a friendship. Don't worry. The friendship will not last long because the crazy person will either turn on you or drive you so crazy that you turn on them. Either way, this spells TROUBLE for you. Crazy people are the ones that usually have a garage (not a closet) full of skeletons. If theft, vandalism, harassment, or assault is involved it usually includes at least one crazy person. So what are the red-flags with the crazy person you ask? It may take some time for them to surface but drama-queen behavior is a big red-flag. If this person always talks about being in crisis, or complains about some nightmarish disaster, it is possible that they are a lightning rod for such travesty and are probably generating this negative energy themselves. Sworn enemies are also a good sign that you are friends with a crazy person. Typically "The Crazy" has left a path of scorched earth so wide that you can always find someone that they despise or despises them. Finally, watch out for crazy behavior masked as stupidity.

The Selfish: These are the worst. They are the most difficult to spot and can cause you the most grief. To make matters worse, a vast majority of "The Stupid" and "The Crazy" could also fall into this category. Selfishness comes in many forms but almost all selfish behavior is rooted in a lack of empathy. When I describe "The Selfish," I'm talking about the chronically self absorbed person. The person with a complete lack of empathy. Someone who is incapable of conceptualizing the needs of others. Everyone exhibits a little bit of selfish behavior from time to time. This is natural. But we all know someone who is so wrapped up in their own wants and needs that they will knock-down, backstab, betray, cheat, and otherwise abuse anyone in their path. What is the most insulting thing about "The Selfish" is that they consider their behavior to be without fault or malice. They believe that God blessed them and Jesus Christ as the only two perfect people in the history of mankind and they are just having to suffer through their lives surrounded by the insignificant masses. There are many signs that will tip you off to the secretly selfish, but you need only one true measure. "The Selfish" NEVER apologize.

So, now you know... And knowing is half the battle.