It's not every day that you can have lunch with a local legend. Unfortunately for me it wasn't planned. I was going to have lunch with an old college friend yesterday. I went to the local Bar-B-Q and reserved a table for two. I waited patiently and watched as patrons filed into booths and waitresses rushed around busily working hard for the money.
It was just then that I caught the eye of none other than Big Dirty! I quickly turned my gaze to avert making eye-contact but it was too late. His long years of scanning bars for hot babes came in handy that day and my knowing look caught his attention. He kicked his head back, (a typical Big Dirty sign for hello) and flipped his Razor phone off as he strode over to my table. The following conversation ensued:
Me: I'm expecting someone.
Big Dirty: No prob, CyberD. I'll keep you company until they arrive.
Me: Well, errrrrr, okay.
Big Dirty: So, have you checked out these waitresses, man? They're totally hot!
Me: Not really, I come for the food.
Big Dirty: Gotcha, (he over-winks at me) the food. So what do you recommend? The chicken BREAST or THIGH!
(He cracks himself up and catches the attention of the waitress)
Waitress: I see your friend arrived, what can I get you gentlemen?
Me: Actually, he's not...
Big Dirty: (whispers to me) watch this...
Big Dirty: (to waitress) Hello there... (ogles her strategically placed name-tag) Mandi. Tell me, how good is your... pulled pork?
Mandi the Waitress: It's the chef's favorite and a very popular menu item.
Big Dirty: I bet it is! (he gives me the over-wink again)
Mandi: ummmmmm (looking at Big Dirty unsure of what to say)
Big Dirty: So tell me, I'm in the mood for some... smoked sausage. How are you at... smoking sausage?
Waitress: That's my personal favorite.
Big Dirty: I love it! You naughty thing!
Me: Dude, the girl is trying to work.
Big Dirty: She can work it all she wants as long as its for me.
Me: I'll have a water. Thanks, Mandi.
Big Dirty: How's your... Rubbed Chub?
Mandi: Don't you mean baked spud?
(Big Dirty is now cracking himself up and his shoulders heave up and down as he attempts to contain his uproarious laughter)
Big Dirty: No!
Me: I can't take this anymore.
Big Dirty: "That's what she said!"
I've never been kicked out of a restaurant before but there is a first time for everything.
8 comments:
Cyber D - Did you scream at her, "I'm really not a prick" like you did at the waitress that was bringing us our water last time we went to lunch together? Big Dirty would have loved that.
Your Big Dirty stories are funny.
Dags, That's a standard greeting. You know that.
Fringes, thanks.
Big Dirty is coming up for a visit to Gyuss town. I can't wait to show him the sights.
This is your best blog post since May 2nd. You need to take a close look at both of these posts and find that magic formula.
Gyuss, can't wait to hear about it.
Dags, I'll look into it right away but I have an idea.
CyberD in Big Dirty's defense, I never said 'rubbed chub', that was totally you right before you alerted the waitress to the fact that you really weren't a prick...
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