NBA eyes the Cyber Family

I am filled with pride as I address the media, blog country, and all NBA fans. Mrs. Cyber and I have weighed all the options and we are excited to announce that our son, Lil' Higgins will become NBA draft eligible this year. This of course will clear the way for him to become the number 1 pick overall in the draft. It was a difficult decision but you have to take these opportunities when they are in front of you. Of course we all know about him as a player. The great ball handling skills, knowledge of the game, and overall athleticism. But do you know about Lil' Higgins the toddler? He has a great courtside presence, and his leadership skills are unquestioned. He'll be a great addition to any team and will likely be the cornerstone around the franchise. My son will not be taking questions at this time as he only knows how to say the words "Apple" "Mommy" and "Dog". But I can tell you as his father, manager, and publicist, he is excited about the challenge. Finally, you can all anticipate a follow-up press conference as I finalize negotiations for endorsement contracts with Adidas, Gatorade, and Pampers. That will be all, thank you and goodnight.

Long Time No See

In the fall of 1992 I was a young lad venturing forth into the great unknown. I was headed off to college and the only other person I had even spoken with was Gyuss. We were to be freshmen roommates so we had called each other to talk about color patterns for linens and the appropriate scent of potpourri as well as our preference for antiques versus modern furniture. But other than that, I knew not a single soul on campus. Shortly after our arrival on campus Gyuss and I began to make friends.

College is such a great time for friendship - with almost no limitations. I don't think I ever pondered how many people I would be able to keep up with in the long run. You lived in the moment. Looking back there have been some that I wonder about and regret not keeping in better touch. You know those people in your life, don't you? Let's see... like the girl next door that ended up becoming an exotic dancer, the crazy nerd that ended up inventing the ipod, or the whacky dude that always cracked you up with his bizarre yet side-splitting sense of humor.

It just so happens that I've run into that "funny guy" again and he has his own blog... 4 blogs in fact! So go check out Robert's stuff at Too Much Time On My Hands. I don't want to oversell his comedic genius but reading his work was an instant reminder of his off-beat funn-ac-ity... is that a word?

Book Review: Webster's Way With Words

Last night The Wheel in Space hosted it's Cyber-Book-Club. We've all been reading a really compelling piece of work by Merriam Webster called The Dictionary. Today I'm happy to share with Blog-Country my review of this ground breaking work.

I have to say it is a dauntingly dense read, while at the same time rich with layered subtext. Webster demonstrates his powerful mastery of the English language by weaving into his story an elaborate vocabulary the likes of which I have rarely seen in other work. Webster also impresses with a fine grasp of structured story telling. Each of its 36 chapters are neatly organized, creating a natural flow to the overall work.

Admittedly, the attention to detail is, at times, tedious. While some have blamed Tolkien for taking a paragraph to describe a blade of grass. Webster actually takes paragraphs to describe the words blade, grass, and even the word of!

Still, the precision, creative use of language, and the near perfect specificity make it a gripping tale worthy of any personal library. In fact, more than 35 million people agree with me if the sales numbers have anything to say about it. In short, I highly recommend you go out and purchase a copy of The Dictionary. It is a real page-turner!

Next Month, the Cyber-Club is going to tackle another one of Merriam's great works. The Thesaurus.

Have a Big Dirty Valentine

So Valentines has come and gone once again. The roses have started to wilt and the chocolates have now turned to those unwanted extra pounds on your body. Like most, I love Valentines Day. So much so I was too busy getting busy with my woman to post about it on the actual day. But this morning I had a very troubling experience. You know who I'm talking about... that's right... Big Dirty.

This morning I was taking my garbage out the alley when I notice Big Dirty curled up on my back porch shivering in his sleep... or maybe it was a drunken stooper. He was wearing only a blue blazer, a pair of tighty-whities, and some pink bunny slippers.

I attempted to quietly step over him, hoping I could dump my trash and get back inside before he woke up. Unfortunately Big Dirty has the acute senses of a bald eagle and he stirred almost instantly. The following conversation followed.

Big Dirty: Of course I love you baby! (turns head from side to side groggy) Oh hey, CyberD.

Me: Oh, hey. I was just taking out my trash.

Big Dirty: That's cool... Sometimes you got to kick the chicks to the curb.

(He proceeds to cough uncontrollably as he stands up and dusts off his blazer, covered in all manner of unidentifiable grime).

Me: So what are you doing here?

Big Dirty: Me? Oh... you know, just hangin' out. You want to go do something?

Me: I'm kinda busy. Gotta go to work.

Big Dirty: That's cool, I'll just hang here until you're done. We can go grab an Old Milwaukie later.

Me: I thought you were spending time with your lady friend this weekend.

Big Dirty: Oh yeah, we totally partied last night, but I decided that she was gettin' too clingy, man. Big Dirty's got to roll free and unfettered, ya know.

Me: So you broke it off?

Big Dirty: Well not so much me as... er... um...

Me: Oh! Dude. Sorry man.

Big Dirty: Nah... that's okay. I got to keep it real and all.

Me: So what happened to your clothes?

Big Dirty: I had no idea how conniving high school girls can be.

Me: What?

Big Dirty: Well, I decided to hit the Valentines Dance down at the high school. Ya know how it is. So one minute I'm rockin' out with some hot babes and the next minute I'm tied to a tree with no pants.

Me: You know high school girls are underage right?

Big Dirty: And fucking thieves too!

Me: Well, okay... so I guess I'll talk to you later.

Big Dirty: Totally, man. Call me when you're ready to get that beer!

Shameless Plug

Does anyone need a refresher on how big a geek I am? No? Okay... So in addition to being a huge fan of things like Doctor Who, Farscape, Star Wars, and yada yada yada, I'm also a monstro-fan of this late 90's Disney cartoon called Gargoyles. It came out while I was in college and a group of my friends made it a point to sit down every afternoon at 3pm to catch the latest episode. UrbanCowboy and Gyuss had the foresight to record episodes on VHS and I was lucky enough to make copies of their collection. So every so often I pull out the old VHS tapes and watch a few episodes of this fantastic story. For those of you who have never watched Gargoyles, I highly recommend it.

Essentially the story is about a group of Gargoyles from medieval times who are frozen in stone by a magic spell for a thousand years. They wake up after the spell is broken and find themselves living in Manhattan. They befriend a New York City cop and together attempt to resume life as protectors of the innocent. The writing is superb, the artwork is (at times) fantastic and the over-arching mythology is a growing tapestry of intrigue that will keep you entertained episode after episode. A few years ago the first season of Gargoyles came out on DVD. I snatched it up in a heartbeat and anxiously awaited season 2. Thankfully DVD sales were good so Disney released the first half of season 2. Unfortunately since that time it appears that DVD sales for the latest release were not as expected and there is a risk that season 2 - part 2 may not happen.

So if you are a fan of great storytelling, exquisite artwork, and edge of your seat adventure I encourage you to try out the Gargoyles series on DVD. Rent it, buy it, borrow it, but if you like it, consider adding it to your DVD library.

News Flash - Dagromm is a Jerk

These are the last four comments Dagromm has made on my blog:

Dagromm: I don't get this post. Please redo. (commenting on Slogan)

Dagromm: That picture is the second gayest picture that I've ever seen of you. (commenting on Big Fat Super Tuesday)

Dagromm: I saw this like forever ago. I thought about posting it then decided that it was lame just to post video clips. Don't get me wrong it's ok for the W.I.S. and everything, but people expect a little more from the H.O.D. (commenting on Simply Amazing)

Dagromm: I'm not into kids shows that teach them about animals. We live in the F'ing city. My kids aren't growing up to be zoo keepers shoveling elephant crap. I wish there were more shows for kids teaching them how to recognize a zone blitz or how to break down a cover 2. (commenting on Children's Television Potpourii)

Dags and I have known each other for some time so I don't know why I should expect anything different. In fact, his brand of comments are pretty typical for him, I guess it just stands out since he posts so infrequently now but MAN, I'd like to sneak up behind him and give him an atomic wedgie!

Slogan

So I've been trying out a new slogan for the year.

"Make it Great in 2008!"

But I'm finding that people feel it is a little over the top and somewhat annoying. I mean don't get me wrong, I love it! It has all the right ingrediants. It's positive, descriptive, and exuberant. What's not to love about it? But perhaps it does smack of sarcasim. Perhaps the world is just too jaded for such a slogan. In fact the last time I issued my slogan was to the check-out girl at my local grocery store. I could sware she rolled her eyes. Imagine the nerve!!!! And you wouldn't believe it but I'm pretty sure my neighbor gave me the finger after I told him to "Please rake your leaves and Make it Great in 2008!"

So it is with mixed emotions that I announce a new annual slogan. I've found something more fitting for the pesimistic and selfish times that we live in.

Enjoy:

Meandering Conversation

Have you ever had one of those circuitous conversations with a family member? It can be truely bizarre where those discussions can take you. This is a conversation I had with my sister while sitting at my desk during my lunch hour.

Ring Ring Ring

Me: Hello

Sis: Hey, Brother. How are you?

Me: Good, I'm just sitting here havig some lunch and surfing the net.

Sis: Really, what are you surfing?

Me: First off, never ask a man what he's surfing. Second, I'm checking out my old Yahoo Music radio station. I hadn't logged-on in over a year.

Sis: Point taken.

Me: Did you know that you can now watch music videos on Yahoo music?

Sis: No.

Me: Yeah, it's pretty cool. You learn something new everyday. Like take for example that Fergie song, Girls Don't Cry. I had no idea that the star of Heroes plays her boyfriend in the video. That's weird casting isn't it?

Sis: Who's Fergie?

Me: Come on, don't tell me you don't know Fergie. Being a new mom really does isolate you! Do I have to teach you everything?

Sis: Seriously. I don't know.

Me: You know... she used to be a part of the band The Black Eyed Peas. Now she's gone out on her own.

Sis: Oh yeah, she was on Oprah the other day. Actually, I think I may have known about Fergie longer than you.

Me: What do you mean?

Sis: I'll send you a link to YouTube so you can see for yourself.



Me: *Long Pause* Dear Lord... I had no idea...

Big Fat Super Tuesday

As the rest of the world watches with baited breath the unfolding primary results, The Wheel in Space is gearing up for Mardis Gras. That's right folks. We'll be celebrating in style here at the Wheel and our first shipment of beads has already hit the loading dock. We're firing up the grill, and putting the margarita mix on ice. So come one come all, especially the ladies!!! Let me hear from you if you've got a great Gras Story to share.

Simply Amazing!

The results of this play have not been altered through computer graphics. It's one of the most amazing series of laterals you'll ever see. I can't give kudos to the man who edited this thing together, man must he be an annoying douche bag. But it's worth watching!

Children's Television Potpourri

All parents know the familiar love-hate relationship you have with television programming for kids. On one hand it can be a useful educational tool, teaching your children about sharing, caring, and other important life lessons. On the other hand it is more often then not a vacuous, empty, repository, for meaningless junk that will rot your child's brain all the while teaching your children that they will die without the latest toy, gizmo, or junk food snack. And even though the later is more often the case than the former, we as parents find ourselves allowing the impressionable minds of our dear children to be influenced by everything from the sublime to the ridiculous. The main reason being that despite its drawbacks, the respite that we parents need to do other things around the house would be impossible without the help of the electric glow of television. With both my boys being sick this last week we had an extra dose of TV-time and this is what I learned about my son's viewing habits.

Zaboomafoo



I learned that a kids show about animals can kick-ass. This is actually a decent program. Every episode children learn about different animals, where they live, what they eat, and a multitude of other interesting facts. The Kratt Brothers host the program along side their adorable leaping lemur pal, Zaboomafoo. The brothers aren't to terribly annoying and Zaboo is actually a tolerable puppet character. All in all I give this show two thumbs way up!

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperfoce Go



I learned that programing for kids ages 6-12 years old is going to rock. My son isn't old enough to appreciate these types of shows yet but I can hardly wait. I mean who wouldn't love a show that has the word Hyperforce in the title... and the word Monkey... and Robot... and Super... and Go! I watched just a few minutes of this show late one afternoon while the boys were taking there naps. Good stuff.

LazyTown



Finally, I learned that for every good wholesome piece of programming there is it's antithesis - its ying to the other's yang. I don't know where my son first noticed the show LazyTown. I think it was on the Nick Jr. website. All I can think to say is... what the F-ing hell? I'm not sure how to describe this show. Weird beyond measure... like Captain Kangaroo on acid and steroids... like... like... well, just see for yourself.

Playoffs!?!?!

It was a rough weekend of football. I was so excited going into it because I was determined to watch all four playoff games... and I did! From that standpoint it was glorious by any measure. But the results were less then desirable. Things started off well with the Sea-Bags losing to The Pack on the literal "Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field!!!" The best part about this game was watching these professionals fight, scratch, slide, and generally duke it out in a driving blizzard. What a great game. Little did I know that the venerable Favre heading for the NFC championship game would have so much more meaning by weekends end. Unfortunately the other three games didn't go quite as well.


As predicted that unstoppable juggernaut that is the New England Patriots proved once again that if you are the upstart Jaguars and you make stupid mistakes and throw costly interceptions, Bill Belichick will fuck you in the ass like nobodies business. Brady managed to still play with perfect hair and not impregnate any more super-models during the game. Randy Moss managed to play with vomit inducing perfection. And Coach Bill continued to be a real charmer. With this Jacksonville loss it meant that the Sunday game between the Chargers and Colts was all the more important.


In my opinion the Colts are the better matched team to beat the Patriots so I was cheering on the illustrious Peyton Manning and his noble soldiers of fortune. Too bad they played with so little urgency that an injury riddled San Diego had no trouble keeping and holding their second-half lead. Never in my life would I award a game ball to a punter until Sunday. That son of a bitch is a stud. Even when the Colts defense did their job that punter managed to put the Colts offense in bad situations ever time! It is now the whiny ass of LaDanian Tomlinson up against Pretty Boy Brady.


To cap off a really shit-pile weekend of football the Cowboys and Tony Romo coughed up a giant turd of a loss to the underdog Giants. Wade Phillips said to the media in the post game press conference that the better team lost and that we should be happy with a 13-3 season. Hmmmmmm.... I may be a football idiot but doesn't the win define the better team? Doesn't falling short of potential deserve feelings of disappointment? The Cowboys have no excuse and I am now officially putting Wade Phillips on my "you better watch the hell out" list. I think everyone here understands what that means!


So it comes down to these championship games. I'm no too pleased with the teams in the AFC and I'm not impressed with the inconsistent play of the Giants so here's to Green Bay and their salty captain. Go Pack Go!

I'm a Marvel... I'm a DC

Lovingly for Gyuss...

It's All About ME... me!

My First Meme... Thanks, Susan.



1. This is an all time FAMILY classic: Lil' Higgins and The Big Tuna.

2. Keep your FRIENDS close: Vacation Holiday.

3. Is there better subject matter than YOURSELF? I think not: Whack Job.

4. My LOVE has no limits: With EXTRA on top!.

5. THE GRAB BAG: Big Dirty Re-Boot.

Pig Skin Grab-Bag

As the old year winds to a close and the dawn of a new year begins there are so many things one could take time to ponder. Me? I'll ponder the last vestiges of the 2007 season of the National Football League. From a fantasy perspective it's been another bad year. Well, not all bad. The Sports Donkey Lollipop Buffet pulled itself out of complete disaster and made a strong run for a play-off berth. Alas, we came up short. A condition that Q is all too familiar with. I'd like to thank all those that continued to believe in The Buffet and a giant "F-You" to Randy Moss for old times sake.



On the subject of the New England Patriots. It turns out those cheating bastards managed to do what no other team since 1972 has done. I tip my hat to those son's of bitches for not losing a single regular season game. It's funny you know. It's not everyday that you can watch history in the making. You would think that I might cheer on the Patriots, simply to be able to say to my grandchildren that I witnessed perfection at work in 2007. But for some reason I couldn't help but wish for failure upon them. I even stayed up to watch the Giants cough up a turd against them on Saturday night. Perhaps it is the fact that I'm a Colts fan, mind you, not a huge Colts fan but a fan none the less. Perhaps it was because they were caught cheating and I hate cheaters. More likely, it is the fact that Bill Belichick is a complete douche and everyone knows I hate a good douche! Anyway, I've still got three more games of hope to keep me going. That's the beauty of a perfect season. It isn't entirely perfect until you win the Super Bowl. So Go Cowboys!!!!!!!!



Finally, with the play-offs looming, one can't help but think about life without football once again. It happens every year and yet I am still caught unprepared for the long lonely months that lie ahead. The NFL does a decent job of giving you little morsels along the way, but it's really nothing more than a giant tease. The Draft? After round 1 who cares? The NFL pro-bowl? Please! It sucks. The Combine? That's really more for college football lovers and generic sports junkies. No, the best I can hope for is some great off-field antics by some misguided players. Take this last year for example... In some ways, I have Micheal Vick to thank for getting me back into the spirit of football earlier than usual. Don't get me wrong, There's a special place in hell reserved for that bastard, but I have to admit, it was nice to go into the Mr. Gatti's for lunch last summer and already see ESPN analysts talking about the future of the Atlanta Falcons. Good times... good times.



So I guess I'll leave you with these last nuggets of wisdom. Remember it is always better to give than to receive. Gyuss taught me that back in college. Auld Lang Syne is old Scottish for "Old Long Since," and Fuck Randy Moss!

The Reason for the Season

It's been a busy holiday season. My office conducts more business in the months of November and December than the entire rest of the year combined, so you can imagine every minute counts. Consequently, the blog has suffered. But we always have to remind ourselves why we do what we do. Why do I put in long hours of travel with nights away from family? Why do I work so hard that even the blog goes without attention? When I look at some of my all time favorite family pictures, I am reminded. Because at the end of the day, nothing is more important than knowing that I have worked my hardest to provide the ones I love with everything they deserve.

Me and Lil' Magnum Playing Superman


Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Magnum at the Halloween Carnival 2006


A Quiet Moment Between Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins


Me, Lil' Higgins, and Lil' Magnum at Home


Me and Lil' Higgins


Mrs. Cyber and Lil' Higgins at Disneyland


Lil' Higgins in his Turkey Day Outfit



MERRY CHRISTMAS BLOG COUNTRY!

Thanksgiving Report Card

Well, it was one hell of a Thanksgiving. We got off to a rockin' start, making it to the airport with ten whole minutes to spare before our plane boarded. I actually had time to take Lil' Magnum to tinkle before leaving, the only problem is that he ran out of the bathroom without holding my hand and almost got his clock cleaned by one of those lazy person shuttles that drive around the terminal. Damn lazy people! Magnum got a stern talking to for that one.

The flight went rather well with only a few minor outbursts by Lil' Higgins, who (being only 8 months old) didn't understand how to handle the ear pain that comes with pressure changes. After landing, we waiting in baggage claim for an inordinately long amount of time but that was off-set by the fact that I spotted the minor celebrity, Shannon Elizabeth. All in all I give the airport and flight experience an A-.



After arriving at my cousin's pad I began to feel like real donkey crap. Low energy, aches, pains, etc. etc. Up to this point we believed our kids had minor colds but if they gave me something, it was much worse because I came down with a massive fever and spent the next 14 hours in bed trying to rest up for the planned day trip to Disneyland. All in all I give the afternoon of being sick a C+. Sleeping for 14 hours rocked but I felt terrible.

Luckily my illness was either massive dehydration, body fatigue, or a 24 hour flu, because I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and ready for Disney. We took our boys to the park and my oldest had a blast. We had a few hick-ups along the way but overall it was great fun. We didn't get to ride as many rides as we would have liked due to the fact that moving around with a stroller and two little ones just takes time. I give Disneyland a B-.



Thanksgiving Day was a complete beat-down. To be honest the Dallas and Green Bay games were the best part about the day. Had I known about the Indy game I might have given Thursday a better grade, but I missed that game. The food was okay, but the kids were in rare form. They must have been overly tired (from the day before) because Mrs. Cyber and I didn't really get to enjoy much turkey or stuffing. We dealt with bratty behavior all day. Overall I give Turkey Day a D-.

Friday was extra special because my cousin provided tickets to the Broadway musical Wicked! Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't been to a musical in years sot we jumped at the chance to abandon the boys and go out for an adult evening. The musical rocked, although it wasn't the best I had seen and I only feel a little gay confessing this so I give Wicked and Friday an A-.



Finally the trip back was okay... only that we didn't get home until 9pm on Saturday. The boys were trashed and went to be immediately but Mrs. Cyber had to go out and get the dog that night. Overall the flight home went well except for the liter of ginger ale in my lap. I give the travel day a C.

So my total grad for the trip is a C+. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with kids under the age of 4.

Rock me!

Panic

I woke up this morning with the realization that I am about to board a five hour flight tomorrow from Cybertown, U.S.A. to Los Angeles with my wife, two sons who both have head colds, and my parents.

I myself have recently strained my left wrist for some unknown reason, although my doctor tells me it was from over-use... whatever that means. I'm checking two car seats, a double stroller, and enough bags of clothes, toys, and various miscellaneous items to stock a large department store!

I am insane.

Diagnosis: Dumb Ass

I'm sure you're like me. Worried about the magical, mystical, Q. His site has been down for weeks and I fear it may never return. But it has been a busy November and I haven't had a chance to call the man until just the other day. The following conversation occurred...

(Phone ringing)

Q: Hello (in weak voice)

Me: Hey, Q! How you doing?

Q: Not to well, Cyber D.

Me: Really? What's wrong?

Q: Well, I'm bad sick.

Me: That's terrible, did you catch the flu bug that's been going around?

Q: No, I think I caught the AIDS.

(Long pause)

Me: What??? You're kidding.

Q: No, man. I feel terrible. Like I'm about to die.

Me: So how did this happen?

Q: I don't know, you know how easy it is to spread germs.

Me: Well, not really. You have to have had unprotected sex or shared a dirty drug needle to get AIDS. Have you done that?

Q: Hell no!

Me: Well then I don't think you have AIDS.

Q: Did you go to medical school, Cyber D?

Me: No.

Q: I suppose I should start calling you Doctor Cyber D now, eh?

Me: Don't be foolish, Q. You don't have the AIDS.

Q: I told you I feel like I'm about to die.

Me: What are your symptoms?

Q: The usual. Runny nose, sore throat, fever, aches and pains. But I've taken a Tylenol and I'm feeling a little better. Still, there's no stopping the AIDS. I suppose it's only a matter of time.

Me: So I suppose Q's Corner isn't coming back.

Q: Not unless I can blog from the grave.

Me: You're not dying, Q.

Q: I'm making out my will now.

Me: Really? What am I getting?

Q: A deer carcass.

(Long Pause)

Me: I love venison!

Q: I know!

Me: Especially with A-1 steak sauce.

Q: Who doesn't?

Me: You know me so well...

Q: And you - me, Cyber D.

Me: So you'll have your mom call me for the funeral right? I've got to run to the grocery store.

Q: No problem.

Look Out! It's an Origin Story!!

I know Blog Country has wondered for years now how my off-spring came by their inter-web monikers of Lil' Magnum and Lil' Higgins. Some may believe it was random choice. Others might assume some secret code for a specific personality trait. I stand before you today to reveal the awful truth. Like the name of CyberD, their web-names were born out of a Quad moment.

It was the spring of 2004 when Dagromm, the illustrious Q, and I gathered for lunch at our favorite little whole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. As usual I ordered enchiladas and a glass of ice (as I always bring my own soda to the table). Q and Dagromm rolled their eyes at my B.Y.O.B policy before ordering fajitas for two and a single milk shake and one curly straw.

As I finished my tasty plate of spicy enchiladas and the Q and Dags teased each other over the last strip of Mexican beef, the conversation turned to the upcoming birth of my fist son. At the time Mrs. Cyber and I hadn't decided on his name so Q and Dags pushed hard for something suitably manly for a Quad off-spring. Dags warned me about naming my son something like Ashley or Leonard, lest he be the object of bully-hatred his entire life. I then jokingly said that not all children can grow up to be bad ass like Tom Sellek. Q than asked if I was referring to Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck or Quigley Down Under Tom Selleck because the Quigley Sellek was a little gay.

Dags immediately chimed in with the bombastic opinion that I name my son Magnum. Specifically Magnum Philonious Ignatius or Magnum P.I. for short. I reminded them that if I insisted on such a name, my wife would likely shoot me in the face while I slept. But they decided that my decision didn't matter. My first born child would always be Lil' Magnum to them. As you can see in the photo, Dags was never more serious. He gave Lil' Mag this shirt the day he was born. My son has now fully embraced the persona and occasionally tests the quality and thickness of his ongoing mustache like in this picture.

The Quad tips our hat to you, Lil' Magnum!